If it's DH's birthday and you celebrate milestone birthdays still, it's the right thing to do.  They may not come if they hate you but it's likely they will want to be there for dad.

Ask your DH if he wants them there and remind him of what they did the other time before he makes his decision. 

Personally, I wouldn't ask them, but then I am 62 and way past the point of caring what people think.  If I was going to sit dreading  between now and the party that the awful SKIDs were going to kick off, it would just be a trial.  

My own solution would be to invite a few of DH's close friends to an intimate dinner at a restaurant - if family want to do something separate for him that is their prerogative - but I imagine they'd be less likely to act out if it was something they'd organised themselves. 

I might just get tickets to a sporting event and go with just the two of you.  If you know he would want his kids at a dinner, just doing it with friends is not what he wants and it is his birtthday

This is the difficult part of disengagement.   Kes is totally correct here!

What I have done, what I will continue to do:  First, I do NO holidays, or family dinners for my grown Stepkids or their families.  I began disengagement 8 years ago.  I cut all social interaction 4 years ago. 

I have had DH bbq's, etc. for his birthdays in the past.  I do not invite his kids, that is his job.  I have my family anytime I wish, which isn't often, because I am too old to do large scale entertaining any longer.  I always have open house events, pot luck, the door is open.  I began this "open house," thing to avoid exactly what you are asking here.

Open house is a success.  It is casual, I don't have to do all the work, nobody is left out, our home is open to all, to enjoy.  Best thing....Stepkids have never attended in 4 years, because they know I'm finished playing the game of invitations.

I don't know your situation, but you can come up with a generic invitation to all.

Hugs...I get It! 

They should make a party for there father. Or it that just too much trouble?  Don't invite them.  If DH asks about it just tell him. You are sure kids are doing there own party 

I wouldn't invite them either.  Every year, my DH's adult kids will say "Let's do something for your birthday", but they never follow through.  This coming year, I booked a long weekend away for his birthday.

If it’s friends only, I would not invite them. However if it’s family as well, I think I’d feel obliged to. Asking your DH is not a bad idea

You know already how they are. They will ruin it. TRUST ME LOL Just been through this in a very similar situation.

By all means throw a party for just friends and be specific to your DH its for friends. If the Royal First Crew want to throw dadddee a family party then let them at it. 

"Toxic people use special events to mark their territory" and this holds true in step hell.

To me that is your only "out" because your husband will want them there, the rest of the family that comes will think you were rude and will discuss you with the kids who will have further reason to trash you. Have a party for friends only and if your DH wants to get together with family they can do something another night and you can call in sick.

If you invite other family, I think you have to invite them. So, make it a friends only party.

and organise a little overseas or interstate getaway? Then you can make it open invitation to all who can pay for THEMSELVES. That would work in my world because the skids wouldn't be able to foot the bill themselves, but our friends would Problem solved. 

SK's have disengaged years ago, and for obvious reasons. Do not open all of that back up. You've worked diligently TO GET HERE. Don't give up you power or position.

I do not think they need to be invited, as it will be nothing but misery for all involved. Parties are supposed to BE FUN. I will say typically, for DH's bdays, we invite his closest friends he's known for a lifetime and their wives, and we usually host by cooking a great meal, and visiting. He is always very happy with that. I have also disengaged w his adult offspring, and gee, it's funny that THEY HAVE NEVER OFFERED TO TREAT DAD on his special day, Father's Day, or ANY OTHER DAY. 

When everyone is an "adult" (even if only in the sense of the word, and not emotionally) there are obligations, spouse's and kids involved. One date will not suit everyone, so I say do something special for your DH and include the close friends you know he will enjoy and have a small intimate gathering. If he's not into group get togethers, then give him a little party for two. Most men would be very happy with that. Do whatever you know he likes. If he enjoys going out of town, hiking, dining out, DO IT.

You've got this!

Unconditional access to the love and support of family is naive  and does not extend to toxic POS people.

So, no invite for the toxic StepSpawn to Daddy's mileston B-day.

Keep it simple.  Apply  behavioral conditions to participation and things cease to be complex.  

Keep it simple.

They are no longer welcome where they have created a bad situation for you, in your own home. You do not have to open your home and life to misery and toxic people.  Every invite usually needs up in just another occassion to show you who they are again.  Enjoy your toxic free bday party!

I would suggest you ask your dh what he would like to do to celebrate his birthday.  If he does want to have a party, he should have input on who is invited, even if it's his own kids. This milestone bd may not mean as much to him as it does to you. I agree that an intimate dinner with friends might be the best option. If any family members want to honor his birthday, they are certainly able to plan their own event for him that would also include you. *blush*

There is no way I would invite them.   Absolutely not!

I was in a similar situation a few months back and I did not invite SS32.   I only invited the the stepkids that I had a relationship with.

Why would you want to spend your money and have them ruin the evening with their bad energy that they bring along with them.    When SS32 found out I was having a surprise party for my husband, he sent me a text, saying that he had not received the email and perhaps it had got lost in the post.   I replied, confirming that it had not got lost in the post, but that he and his girlfriend had not been invited.   

Explain to your DH why they are not invited and suggest to him, it might be an idea for him to take his kids out to dinner so they call celebrate his birthday.

If you already know they have hidden agendas, then it will continue at any party you have worked hard to create for your husband. YOU do not have to be the the presence of toxic, self absorbed people and if that is the way you see them (I see mine that way), do not extend this invitiation; you will have more crazy drame if you do.

I made the mistake of feeling obligated out of marriage to keep inviting these nasty, undercorrected pieces of work to parties thinking it would make husband happy. It only ruined the entire party every single time; given they remain undercorrected and will always be that way. A party does not change people and it does not change parental skills, for certain. If anything goes with your husband now, like most of ours here; expect the drama to continue--- if they show up....

I would not invite them. As others have said keep it small and just friends. If DH family would be upset that you didn't invite the skids that is reason enough to just make You, DH and a few close friends that accept you as DH's wife. My SD tried to pull crap on my DH milestone Birthday. She was going to throw DH a party invite all his extended family. But not his wife. I insisted that DH shut that down. 
like others have said parties don't change nasty people. Why put yourself in another situation that will end up being nothing more than another drama fest. 
it is sad how these narcissistic "kids" are allowed to ruin all holidays and events. Again just another result of lack of parenting. You DH can't have a Normal family birthday not because of you but because of his raising of disfunctional human beings. Not your fault. 

At OSD's urging, I threw a 5-0 birthday party for my DH. Actually, she first suggested I book a Carribean cruise for the whole family, or at least rent a venue and throw a catered Casino Night because she's a money-sucking exploitative narcissist. I knew DH wouldn't want that, and decided to throw a catered bbq at our home. I even let OSD pick the date, since she 's a busy GUMOTY and I wanted the gskids there. Since she had shared custody with her ex, OSD pulled out her planner, checked to be sure nothing was scheduled, and chose a date. This was four months out.

She didn't come. Didn't even swing by late, or bring a gift, or even have the gskids call to wish Grandpa a Happy Birthday. Because she's a horrid person.

OP, celebrate your DH in a way you know he'll appreciate. And do not invite skids, or anyone else who isn't a friend to your marriage. Good food and congenial company are what make a good party, not emotionally stunted jerks who can't see further than their own selfish agenda. If you don't invite the bad actors, you won't have to waste a moment worrying or wondering, and can focus on the happiness of the day.

No to inviting them for good reason; however, I would advise them of the "friends only" gathering and invite them to send a gift in their stead.