I'm not on a marriage visa. I had a B1 tourist visa which then became a K1 fiancé visa. After we married we were supposed to adjust status but DH never had his half of the filing fee, which at the time he promised he had. He kept putting things off until I realised he didn't make enough money to be my sponsor, and despite making around 75k a year I cannot sponsor myself. We had to find another family member of his who would sponsor. When we submitted that the government went into shut down. After that, my visa stayed as 'pending'. I'm due for biometrics in February. Instead, I'm going with VAWA. I have no green card and no SSN yet. No driving permit, No health insurance either. None of those are things are available to me as an immigrant without SSN. 
It's amazing people believe immigrants have it easy. We don't. 

Thank you so much for the suggestion! I'll ask my attorney when I see him at my next meeting if this would be viable. I'm not sure if I could legally remove my DH before there is any physical violence, but it's worth knowing more about just in case! Really, thank you so much. Everything is going *so* right for me in my work life, but my home life is such a mess in comparison. I really feel the best way forward is without him. I just have to be smart about the way I proceed and make sure my ducks are in a row before I make a move. Thank you for your kindness 

Thank you so much It should all work out. The marriage was in more than good faith and I have all the evidence I need to prove that DH was reliant on me much more than I am on him, and that severe mental abuse has been happening. He even had me under surveillance for a while in the house. Every week I was finding new mini WiFi cctv cameras pointing at my desk from behind books and ornaments. It's so unhealthy. I can't wait to be rid of this. 

I flagged your comments because this isn't an immigration forum. As you can see from the above posts I'm happy to discuss things when people are being courteous. But your posts went far beyond sharing opinion. You were being extremely rude and also belittling. 

You are entitled to your opinion on me, but neither I or my situation is a vessel for your political anger. 

I'm here. I was admitted into the country. I've been thousands in fees and married in the best of faith. I am still here. I employ freelance Americans for my business and I try to do harm to none. I'm thriving in my work life and I love to lift others up - not tear them down. 

Rest assured if I AM found to be ineligible for a different visa then USCIS will issue me with orders to leave the country. But that's not your job. It's not for anyone here to judge or decide. 

And I'm quite honestly shocked at how nasty some people here have been. I've shared my story and I've just begun working out my next steps to remove myself from an unhealthy situation. There is no discrepancy in my prior posts because that's what people do when they become doormats. That's what happens when empathetic people involve themselves with narcissistic people. You end up chipping away at yourself, lying to yourself that your situation isn't so bad, and when the whole world (who can't see behind closed doors) tells you and reinforces that you're *so* lucky to have your DH, and that together you're *such* a power couple and *such* relationship goals who are changing the world, you become flattered, further blinded and try to protect them at all costs. 

When you cross an ocean, spend everything you have on your DH and have to miss 3 grandparents funerals, your little brothers graduation and the birth of your first niece, you don't just flush the relationship you've invested EVERYTHING into. And when you have NO family, no friends nearby to run to, no car, no public transport and you rely on your DH for your daily company, transportation, affection and conversation, you don't feel able to just leave. It's isolating and maddening at times. Ive felt powerless and underplayed that with humor and telling everyone I'm fine - until things were NOT fine. 

If you can't/don't want to believe that, that's your prerogative. I dont expect to change your mind and I have no desire to. But I'd like you to remember group rules: 

"People come to Step Talk to vent, yes.  However, no one wants to be treated poorly, insulted or demoralized.That doesn't mean you can't disagree.  Just treat each other with respect and don't become confrontational."

And your comments were left deliberately to try and catch me out and cut me down. I don’t understand why you would do that to someone who comes to an anonymous forum to share their story of where being a step mother led them to. 

Just really think about your motives when you comment. Words matter. Words hold weight and if I were still as fragile as I was a few months ago I might shut the door to reaching out and sharing, worried that I’m not going to be taken seriously. That happens a lot, and I’m just grateful that the positive people always outweigh the negative. 

Consider others in the future. Everyone is fighting battles you can’t imagine.

That's ok. I'm sure there are many who also won't believe this. In a way it's sad because that's precisely why so many victims of abuse stay quiet. But, I'm also grateful you don't have abuse as a point of reference to refer to. Dealing with a narcissist is no joke. Anyway. I wish you well and you're entitled to your opinion. 

Aww, thank you so much!

Its really nice to hear some encouragement from strangers. Really, really nice Especially because you've been in a similar position.

I am so, so sorry you had to go through that.. It really takes a low sort of person to physically attack another. You must have been so frightened. Did you 'switch off' and check out mentally for a bit before seeking help? That's an issue I sometimes struggle with. I am so shocked by behavior that sometimes I keep calm and carry on for a day or two before I realise how unacceptable something is. If any of my girlfriends went through what you or I went/are going through, I'd tell them not to wait and just to leave - but it's not that simple at all. I got give a great booklet by the local police which I read every week. It's called 'Why doesn't she just leave?'. Really insightful because I find myself nodding profisely!

Im so glad you've been able to pull yourself away from that abuse and have found someone who treats you with love and kindness - and who is financially responsible. You absolutely deserve that! 
 

And thank you for the support again. It really does help to hear kindness from strangers. I still don't say my whole truth to family and friends because I know they're all so loving that they'd come right to me on the next plane to pull me out of the house, but I have to ensure my legal stability first and get my ducks in a line so that when I do finally run for it, the bandaid is pulled off quickly and cleanly. Once I'm gone I don't want to have to see him again. 

I appreciate the questions
Thank for asking courteously. 
 

I could own property here if I wanted to. Its actually quite a common thing for foreigners to own US property. 
I just held off because I never really wanted to purchase in NJ and I wanted to wait for DH to be able to contribute to a down payment. 
He never did, so I chose to leave my money in the UK for a property there for myself if things went wrong. 
Im glad I didn't buy. He'd be entitled to half of a house that I bought if I had. *Shudder*
 

As for my marriage, yes it's definitely recognized. It was a legal marriage in good faith, witnessed by family members and following several years of documented long distance love (about 4 years I think before I moved here) and 7 years of plutonic friendship before that. Again, all documented. I'm sure there are a ton of sham marriages out there, and sadly shows like 90 day fiancé don't do much for those of us who do things by the book (expensively) and who love our spouses very much. 
Despite the horrible things going on here at home recently I do still love my DH. But I'm beginning to look at him like a much loved, broken ornament that I can't fix. 
It's very sad. In my heart I know he's not *evil* but he is manipulative and emotionally abusive. That's why I've taken the precautions of filing a VAWA. My VAWA attourney is so wonderful and is working closely with the local police dept to make sure I don't feel in any danger. If I do, there are safe places I can go. The VAWA is a lifesaver for people like me. You don't have to be physically abused to be eligible. Emotional is frightening and damaging too, and with sufficient evidence you can be taken just as seriously as someone who has been hit. Thankfully I'm not there. I don't know what I'd do if he physically struck me. So far he's just broken my work equipment in his rages.