Need to vent!!!
Hey everyone
So hubby and I have been married almost 3 years...we have 6 kids total...3 of them live with us. His 22yr old son, his almost 18 yr son (only a Jr in high school) and my 10 yr old son!!
We have had many issues with this scenario. Not as much with my son, b/c of his age, but the other two. Mind you my husband is pretty strict with my son on being respectful to me and my son can be a handful at times and he does straighten that out. But, as I said, it's the other two!!! Seriously not one smidge of common sense!! Both are very large, lazy young men. If I were to break it down, it's the 22 yr old that is the worst!!!!
The 22 yr old has a full time good job, he works second shift and so he is gone from like 3pm-12am. He gets home and there is a prepared meal ( what we had that night) in the fridge. He eats it in his room and then just leaves his stuff in the sink, he has been told NUMEROUS times to take care if it...always an excuse and then I get to deal with it the next morning. Once he's done he will sit and play online video games till like 3 am and then sleep till like an hour before he has to leave again. He does not ONE thing to help in this house. ONLY if you ASK!!!! He pays rent of $400 a month where he has a house, laundry facilities, his dinners prepared for him, a maid and a cook. He doesn't mow or shovel snow or put stuff away. Last night he was here for dinner...came out from his room, sat and fed his face, put his plate on the counter and went back to his room.
I have tried so many times to talk to my husband about either raising rent or he needs to leave - he says that I am just complaining and I should stop. He says I make a big deal about his laziness, etc. He doesn't even know when he has a headache what he should take, he has to ask!!! Are you fricken kidding me. I would LOVE to tell him what's up, as I would if my grown children were in front of me, but husband says let me talk to them. He's then all quite and talks slow and says "man we just need you to step up". Never happens!!!
Other stepson is following in the same footsteps...17 almost 18...no hobby, no friends, no job, no drivers license and no ambition to do any of it. He lives with us cause his mom can't afford to take care of him....he just sits and eats and lies about it and then when you get on him he pulls his depression card and whines to his mom.
I love my husband so much, but I am blowing up inside and when I try to talk to him he gets mad and tells me I am complaining and then it's quite!!!!
Advise please!!!!!
Thank you!!!!!!
Oh boy
You have a husband problem, not a SS problem. They are a product of what he's allowed. That 22 year old needs to GO. I dont care if he does pay rent, adult children living at home DOES NOT WORK. Don't ask how I know this! Seriously, he needs to launch and at his age his failure to launch is due to your husband's lack of proper parenting.
Stop cooking for anyone but
Stop cooking for anyone but you and your 10-year-old. And stop picking up after your SS's or DH. And please tell me you aren't doing your SS's laundry?
Your DH and the SSes both have it good, you take care of everything and they get to sit on their asses doing nothing. So stop taking care of everything. (Though I personally would reevaluate whether I'd made a terrible mistake marrying this guy- he clearly doesn't care about your feelings).
Tog for the win again. All of
Tog for the win again. All of this OP.
Time for DH to get a swift
Time for DH to get a swift kick in the ass over his leech of a 22yo waste of skin kid. $400 for rent, a chef, and housekeeper is far from reality. Immediately inform SS-22 that his rent goes up to $5K a month for his all inclusive life style or give him his chore list where as a mostly free loading adult he does all dishes, all house cleaning, all yard work and his own laundry. It will take 25 hours a week of services from him to keep his key and keep paying $400/mo.
If he refuses or fails even a single time to do his service to the home call a locksmith to re-key the locks.
If daddy issues even a peep. Don't give him a new key either.
You are not the live in chef, concierge, maid and beck and call girl for your SS-22. Or for anyone else for that matter.
Time for a burning platform to get this slug to launch.
He goes or you and 10yo go.
He goes or you and 10yo go. Why would you stay?
Read your other posts
OK, so this has been an ongoing issue for you - lazy step sons, mooching Skids, including your SD (whatever happened to HER????)
Why are you their caretaker at all? Why continue to be their maid and chef, etc? Cut them ALL off!!!!!!
Ask more $$ for rent. And then have a super harsh talk with your H. He needs to either step up and read these kids the riot act, or YOU will!
Why does SS22 get to eat your food? Put a lock on it.
Why does SS22 get to use your dishes and then leave on counter? Put a lock on it.
Why does SS22 not have to do chores or any other contribution to the household? Change the locks.
One thing I have noticed
One thing I have noticed about step parenting and it is the common theme of if you have an issue with the stepkids, the partner defends them all the time. You always feel second best...
Wow this sounds familiar
My stepson is younger at almost 18 but still old enought to pick up after himself. He doesnt help with anything around the house at all. I have to ask him to take trash out or clean up the back yard after his dog and then he will leave after he fumbles around tryingto get out of it then tell me he forgot! I dont know how many times he will sit on his ass and watch his mom take the garbage out, or put dishes away and not lift a finger to help her.
I tell him all the time to save his money because june 2021 he will be moving out on his own and will not be living under my roof. I know it is bothering him because he is always bringing it up that he will have to find a place after graduation. I really dont know how he will make it on his own. If he gets a blister he will wake his mom up from a deep sleep to ask her if he will be ok and ask her to put a bandaid on it or he will have a sore shoulder and ask if hes having a heart attack...i am not exaggerating at all!!! He cant do anything or think for himself and hes supposedly becoming an adult?
I have had a few people tell me to be prepared for him to be living at home for a long time, but i have told him in front of his mom that he better be thinking getting a job and working through his senior year because he will need the money to get his own place or live in his car. I know it pisses his mom off but she knows what an asshole i can be and when i make up my mind i dont change it.
It has really put a huge strain on our relationship and i know that i make her feel bad about herself because i have no romantic interest whatsoever because of this kid. I got to a point where i am just so angry and the sight of him pisses me off and i want to be along and hang out with my dogs and not be bothered. I have tried telling her and having a calm talk about the issues i have but it turns into the im sorry im such a horrible parent bullshit. All i ask is discipline and respect my home but i get neither.
you are not the only one dealing with these types of issued. I hope you find a solution. Good luck to you!