Moving out of bed for sick SS
Hi,
I'm new to this site and am really hoping you can all help me. Apologies if I don't get the abbreviations right!
My partner and I live apart but we stay at each other's houses. Partner has 3 children every other weekend.
The other month SS was poorly and partner has only just told me they were angry that I didn't offer to get out of bed and make way for the sick SS so that they could keep an eye on them (SS has had a fit in the past but not for over a year). I'm left feeling a bit bewildered. Should I have offered to sleep elsewhere so that my partner could keep an eye on SS? I understand he needed to be looked over in case of a fit. I'm not angry at all but left with this feeling of not knowing what to do for the best when one of the kids is ill again.
I want to do what's best but I don't know what that is!
Thank you.
Your partner can bunk in with
Your partner can bunk in with his child in the child's room if there is that big of a concern.. and if it is such an issue.. he should be prepared to do so.. an air mattress should be purchased for this purpose. NO WAY do you vacate your bed.
That's what happened but
That's what happened but apparently this caused resentment I've only just found out about. I'm interested in others views as this is uncharted territory for me.
If his child being sick is a
If his child being sick is a high risk situation due to his history of epilepsy.. then your BF needs to open his big mouth and tell you that he needs for you to sleep at your own home when his child is ill.
You aren't clairvoyant right? no reading of minds on your resume? how are you to know what he wants unless he tells you?
One of my SD's has epilepsy.. I don't believe that anyone ever slept in her room (except maybe her sister).. and I don't believe illness. unless it came iwth a high fever made her any more susceptible to having an event.
If the child is on medication then a cold or whatever shouldn't be high risk.
but.. if daddy wants to sleep in his room... or have you leave that night.. he needs to tell you.. then you can make the choice to stay at your own home when the boy is ill.
Your partner is the parent,
Your partner is the parent, not you. If they felt like sleeping arrangements should have changed for the kid, they should have spoken up. You shouldn't be expected to read their mind. In the future, I would stay at my own place if the kid is sick, just so you aren't exposed.
This would be an indicator to me
That I needed to just leave the relationship.
Thank you all for your advice
Thank you all for your advice. It's certainly given me something to think about!
Your BF is the parent
He needs to do what he needs to do for his child. Not blame you for his poor choice. You are the GF, it's up to you to decide if you want to live this way.
Whatever you do, hold off
Whatever you do, hold off from marrying this man. There are just too many red flags. What was your response to his months-delayed rant at you? To me it would be less disruptive to leave the child in his bed and for BF to sleep on an air mattress. But you know now that BF's logic is YOU should have been the one to make all of the sacrifices, including taking the blame for his guilt at not really knowing what to do for his son. No, he doesn't want to inconvenience himself for you. It sounds as if someone else, possibly BM got on his butt about it and he's already throwing you under the bus. And you're not even married to him.
Communication and respect play a very big role in building and maintaining a relationship. Your BF is failing in this terribly. He wanted YOU to get out of the bed to accommodate his son and himself which demonstrates where you are in his lineup of priorities. You deserve better than this.
Don't worry, marriage is
Don't worry, marriage is nowhere on the horizon! I wish I could blame the BM but not this time I'm afraid.
Response
What was your response? Lots of times when someone is so outrageous, it takes one by surprise. I usually don't come up with a good response until it's too late. LOL
I didn't say much. I wasn't
I didn't say much. I wasn't sure how to respond to be honest hence my post on here.
Yeah, why couldn't he just
Yeah, why couldn't he just say - hey, my son has seizures so when gets sick, I let him sleep in my bed. So can you stay at your place tonight? Thanks for understanding.
This is a giant red flag, I agree.
Yes, that would have been
Yes, that would have been better but to be fair this is new territory for both of us. We don't live that near to each other and the illness came on quite quickly.
Well, then he needed to talk
Well, then he needed to talk it over with you. Do you sleep on the couch, or does he sleep in SS's room? Not just expect you to read his mind and then harbor a grudge for weeks when it turns out you don't have that power. That's the alarming part.
Your point
Tog, The 'alarming part; IS that that he harbored a grudge for weeks, THEN came out with the accusations. This is typical of grudge holders. You don't find out you've even done anything 'wrong' until WAY after the 'offense' so the delayed confrontation takes you by surprise. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201612/7-ways-deal-gru...
The thing that stuck out in this article is; 'The problem is that both a grudge and the anger that accompanies it are often disproportionate to the “wrong.” Psychologically, someone holding a grudge may be punishing you not only for something you actually did in the here and now, but also for a wrong or series of wrongs done to them in the past.'
What a pathetic idiot your
What a pathetic idiot your partner is. No, you do not vacate the adult bed and bedroom for a sick kid. Sick or not, they have their own room.
smh