NPD BM and Covid-19

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Evening everyone!

We've now been put in lockdown here in the UK, and our wonderful BM is isolated, bored, petty and has way too much time on her hands! I know a lot of you here are from the States, but our lockdown rules stipulate going outside once a day for exercise, essential shopping and getting to-from essential work. The government has also advised that any court orders for seperated families be adhered to where possible.

Our BM live 15 minutes away, so the CO isn't a problem, however...she has decided that I, the SM, am not allowed to drive my SS2. She mentioned it to my SO last September, when the CO was put in place (the request isn't in the CO, infact, I'm not mentioned in the CO at all) and he said "No worries". Didn't necessarily agree/ disagree with her, but I told him at the time that not saying no, would come back and bite him in the ass!

We turned up on Thursday to collect SS and she asked SO who was driving. He told her I was and she closed the door in his face. He started to walk back to the car and she opened the door again, asking if she was going to take the kid. SO went back, collected SS and buckled him into his carseat. She then approached the car and started a coversation with me. This is the 1st time we had met, she was in her pyjamas at 17.00...she was everything I imagined and more!!

Apparently me driving is a safety issue. Me and SO were together previously and when we weren't togther, he told her that my driving was bad...it's not. He was hungover and was sick...nothing to do with my driving, but you say what you say when you've broken up, don't you!?

She went on and on and on about me being a safety issue, I kept my cool, told her that she can't dictate to me if and when I drive my own car, oh yeah, it's my car, not my SO's....she lost her rag and physically removed SS and took him back to the her home.

We informed the police and SO instructed his solicitor to send her a letter, which he did on Friday. She is now saying that she wont withold contact as long as her "reasonable requests" are adhered to. If I drive, then she will refuse contact at our home, but will make SS "available" at her's so that SS doesn't miss out on anymore valuable time with his Father. SO is adamant on getting enforcement on the order, but with the current situation, that's going to take much longer than usual.

She also hasn't been taking him outside for any exercise and lives in a very small flat, she's pushed the boundaries of the CO so many times since September, so far 11 pages worth of examples since September...we've been keeping track!

My question...do I continue to drive and risk not getting to see SS or do we give in? My partner drives, there are no problems that would prevent him from doing this, but then it looks like we're bowing down to her and her nonsense! We would love to spend time with SS and he is our main priority, but we don't want to be dictated to! I've suggested that my SO collect him and then I drop him off...on my own...

Well, this is a tough issue -

Well, this is a tough issue - on the one hand, you don't want to be giving in to BM's demands. On the other hand, you don't have any responsibility for pick-ups and drop-offs and your SO created this situation by badmouthing you to BM.

So I would tell him to get his own car (if he doesn't have one) and pick up his son on his own because I don't intend to deal with the crazy woman he knocked up.

Hey tog

So does have his own car but we have a parking space issue at our complex...there's only one! I don't mind him using my car and I quite frequently go to drop off/ pick up as we're always coming and going from some place to another. I also don't have a huge problem building a relationship with BM. It might make things a little easier and nicer for SS in the long run....however it opens me up for manipulation!

Also, she is a grown up...she has chosen to listen to the bad mouthing...So has bad mouthed her too, I take most of it with a pinch of salt, everybody bad mouths their ex!

Yeah, if you truly think she

Yeah, if you truly think she's NPD, don't bother trying to build a relationship with her. I've said about 10 words to BM in my 10 years with DH. It's not worth the drama.

Just let him take the car and pick him up himself. It really is best to keep yourself in the background and not right in the middle of things.

Let SO do all things skid-related

During this time, and keep yourself out of the crazy. He made this particular bed and he needs to deal with the repercussions.

PLUS, its in the kids best interest to for now do things HER way. She will more than likely relax over time, and get over herself.

Thanks all. You're right, its

Thanks all. You're right, its really not worth fighting over, but whether we back down or not, the next episode is always around the corner. SO is adamant about getting an enforement on the CO. Has anybody here ever gone through that before?

What does that mean? Because

What does that mean? Because she won't let the kid go if you are driving?

Is that really worth so much money? It really doesn't pay to get in a power struggle with BM, it's what she wants - to disrupt his life and get a reaction out of him. Why is it such a big deal that you be allowed to drive for pick-ups?

Also - are you not even the slightest bit mad at him for badmouthing you to his ex?

Yeah, it shouldn't be an

Yeah, it shouldn't be an issue who is driving, and he doesn't want to be more dictated to by her than he is already...neither do I!

SO and I were together before, broke up, SS appeared, SO and I got back together. The badmouthing happened when him and his ex were together, so no, I really don't care what was said!

He really should pick his

He really should pick his battles, unless he wants to spend a small fortune in court. This isn't one I'd pick. And one good reason to stay in the background is that it doesn't make BM even more jealous than she probably already is.

Pick your battles!

Like others have said, I don't think this is a hill to die on. Others in the future may indeed be, but this particular one, no. Like you, I have always referred to the BM in my life as NPD BM - she is an absolute nightmare and a bully - DH has stuck to his guns a few times but we used to let small things go by, more for the sake of a quiet life for ourselves than anything else. I think when the pandemic is passed, no more lockdown etc (I am also in the UK), then it will be a lot easier to slug it out with BM on occasions when you deem it necessary. But probably not this time.