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Discipline?

Nbk0rj5's picture

Submitted by Nbk0rj5 on Sat, 04/18/2020 - 5:48pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. A year ago we got temporary custody of his son. He is 2 years old. He is not talking and throw tantrums like you wouldn't believe. He kicks, he bites, he screams in your face and pulls hair. I discipline him not harshly. I take things away he isn't supposed to have, I put him in time out, and I do not let him screm at me. My boyfriend told me today he son hates me. Of course he does im the MEAN one as he says. My boyfriend let's him do all this stuff and barley does anything about it. He immediately comforts him when he cries because he bit him . How do I proceed? Do I just stop trying to parent him let him do what he wants because he is not my son? I'm sick of fighting about it. Anyone have any advice? 

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

Submitted by Survivingstephell on Sat, 04/18/2020 - 11:16pm

How about giving your man an ultimatum about parenting his kid so he won't drive you away?  If he refuses to learn how to parent, (books, classes, therapy) then you have your answer that he was only looking for caregiver for his son.  Aren't you worth more than that???

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Sun, 04/19/2020 - 1:45am

If you stay with this man it is going to be an uphill struggle - and I would advise against it.  If you are determined to, then he needs to go to parenting classes at the very least.  You could go together to show solidarity if you feel it's appropriate.  But sadly, I can't see him agreeing to this as he doesn't appear to think he's not parenting correctly.   Repeating back to you that a 2 yr old "hates you" just shows his lack of understanding of the developmental stage.  He just doesn't get it that toddlers need firm boundaries.  I told you on your last post that this child needs professional help but you seem to not be heeding that advice. 

Thefatherismyfamily's picture

Submitted by Thefatherismyfamily on Sun, 04/19/2020 - 7:57am

If one of the family members hates your guts why would you stay? You don't owe these people anything. 

beebeel's picture

Submitted by beebeel on Sun, 04/19/2020 - 10:01am

Non verbal 2 year olds are a challenge. My guess is you could exercise more patience with this baby and your BF could be more firm with him. The answer is you likely both need to reevaluate how you are approaching this.

Getting the boy some speech therapy would also help cut back on the tantrums. He's frustrated because he can't communicate and punishing him for it is not going to magically get him to talk.

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Sun, 04/19/2020 - 3:40pm

I would be fustrated too if I could not effectively communicate with those who I rely on for most of my care. 

What help is the boy getting from professionals?

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Sun, 04/19/2020 - 6:33pm

I would locate and early intervention program in your area, and request an evaluation.  If SS meets the criteria they will provide services in the home such as speech or they may recommend early headstart.

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Thu, 06/18/2020 - 9:40pm

My 2 yo grandaughter didnt speak and threw tantrums, too.  She was diagnosed with speech apraxia.  Speech therapy helped a lot and the tantrums subsided.  It was very alarming in the early years.  I suppose she was frustrated and tantrums were the only method of expression.  Flash forward, she is 28, has a job, a relationship and never shuts up!  I tell my daughter, remember the good old days when she couldnt talk?  Lol.

If you decide to stay, get him evaluated.  Good luck.