SD sleeping arrangement nightmare!!
hello
im new to this so not really familiar with abbreviations etc so please bare with me.
im looking for advice regarding sleeping arrangements with my step daughter.
i live with my partner, my son from a previous marriage (9) and our daughter (1).
my step daughter (7) comes to stay with us every other weekend. My daughter is currently still in a cot in my room and my son has his own room. My step daughter sleeps on a pull out bed in my sons room.
we only have a 2 bedroom house and I’d really like my son to have some privacy so I’ve purchased a partition wall to go in his bedroom so when I move my daughter into his room with him he will have his own section of the bedroom and she will have her own. He’s been very understanding about having to give up half of his room for his sister and had done a brilliant job sorting through all his things and making room on one side of the room for his sisters stuff to go.
the agreement we’ve made with all 3 children is that my step daughter will sleep in my daughters room with her when she comes to stay. The problem I have is that my partner is insisting we get a permenant bed for my step daughter for when she stays. I’ve explained that we do not have the room for another bed to go in permanently and he point blank refuses that his daughter will be sleeping on a camp bed any longer. I have expressed that I’m happy to pay for a proper fold out bed, not just a camp bed but he’s having none of it. When I put my foot down and told him we didn’t have the room, he got very angry with me and told me that when he has his daughter he will just go and stay at his mothers.
Obviously if my step daughter lived with us permanently it would be a different story, we would have to move house and get another bedroom. The fact we have made 1 bedroom into 2 means that they are both on the tiny side and another bed just isn’t possible unless my daughter is left with minimal space in her room. I’m not happy with the idea of bunk beds as the only place a bed will go is across a window so the bunk would block it. The room in tiny so I plan on leaving her in her cot for as long as possible and when she’s old enough I plan to purchase a mid sleeper so that her toys/furniture can go underneath. I’ve got some beautiful duvet covers and matching covers along with a personalised Beatrix potter picture with her name on it to put up in her room which my partner has kicked off about as it doesn’t have my step daughters name on it. Ive tried explaining that it’s still my daughters room and he’s having none of it. Saying that my step daughter is allowed to decorate it how she chooses as my daughter is too young to understand. But like I say, his daughter stays once a fortnitte and is barely ever in the room. My daughter has to live in that room. I’m just so cross and fed up with the situation and don’t know what to do. My sons toy box also now doesn’t fit in his room so I suggested putting it in my daughters room as she also plays with the toys in it and my son is more than happy to share them. But my partner has again, refused saying it and not fair on my step daughter(who also is more than welcome to play with, and does play with the toys). Please someone give me some good advice. I’m tempted to just let my 1 year old stay in my bedroom for the foreseeable jet to avoid this loosing battle.
Sorry for the long long post and thank you for reading. Any advice would be greatly appreciated :)
Get one bed, and your
Get one bed, and your daughter can sleep in your room when SD is there.
No chance of moving to a bigger place?
DH is being a drama queen. SD
DH is being a drama queen. SD does not get any priority when it comes to rooms. Sure your daughter is still just a baby, but she will grow, and fast. Stay firm, you are being reasonable. Considering you've already had to cut a room in half for your two kids who actually reside in the home, you need to make your DH knock it off. He's an asshole aswell for even considering leaving his wife and baby to go away with his prior kid, simply because she can't have "personalized" shit.
Of course, I also reccomend you try to find a bigger place. Not entirely for the benefit of the visiting SD, but for you and your littles. It will get more difficult to be crammed into tiny rooms as they grow.
Thank you for the advice,
Thank you for the advice,
id like the idea of a trundle bed and have also suggested this to him but he’s said no. Unfortunately we can’t afford to get a bigger house. We’re currently renting and can’t afford higher rent payments or a mortgage as my partner is in a lot of debt and has bad credit. When we decided to have my daughter my partner wasn’t having his daughter over night at my house. He was in the middle of a court battle and only saw his daughter at his mums so would stay there with her. I love being a mum more than anything and unfortunately don’t earn a massive wage. Didn’t want money to stop me expanding my family. Maybe I will put one bed in there and have my daughter in with me when she stays. Thank you for all your advice everyone
It sounds like a trundle bed
It sounds like a trundle bed makes sense. If DH has an issue with it he is being unreasonable.
If he refuses to compromise,
If he refuses to compromise, let him take his kid to his mom's every other weekend. It will probably save you from having all the other fights he will start because of his guilty daddy crap. The bedroom is only the beginning. He will repeatedly try to force you and your kids to sacrifice for his kid, something he isn't even willing to do if he hasn't sorted out his finances yet.
" he got very angry with me
" he got very angry with me and told me that when he has his daughter he will just go and stay at his mothers"
And you didn't jump at the opportunity? Girl, you may not get a second chance! To paraphrase Elsa, "Let 'im go, let 'im gooooooo..."
When your SO can afford a bigger apartment/ house
His DD. Can have her own room her own bed ect. Until then. No bed for SD.
This is getting way more
This is getting way more dramatic than it needs to be. The reality is that there is no space so you need to come up with space saving solutions. Like others have mentioned, a trundle bed is perfect. Your DH is just getting pissy for nothing. Intact families deal with this stuff all the time.
I would get a trundle bed or
I would get a trundle bed or bunk bed. Make sure your husband knows what a trundle bed is and that it will have a good matress on it. Maybe he thinks it isn't a proper bed?
I would let the sd have a say in decorating the girl's side of the room and make sure she has nice bedcovers too. Realisticly your daughter isn't going to care about how her room is decorated for a few years yet and you are decorating it nicely for you, not her. If you all continue to live in this appartment then at some point the two girls will need to work together to find something they both like. SD should feel like she has some attachment and say over the room, even if she has to compromise. You might not be able to get your daughter the bed that you want for her when she gets bigger, that is just something that space may not allow.
For some reason far too many
For some reason far too many prior relationship breeders have a problem with logic when it comes to visiting kids in an established blended family home.
Resident kids get priority on bedrooms and space in general. Visiting Skids/BKs are accommodated as comfortably as possible in the home but should not indispose resident kids. In the situation you describe, if moving to a bigger place is not immanent, then I would suggest a Trundle bed. Your DD can sleep on the permanent bed and SD can sleep on the pull out/ pop up trundle. My brother and I slept on a trundle bed for years while we shared a room. Both beds were up constantly and once my parents bought bunk beds the trundle went into the office/guest room where the trundle would be pulled out to accommodate guests as needed. My DW and I did the same in our guest room/office when SS was a toddler. It was configured as a day bed and we pulled out the trundle for guests when necessary. It can be SD's room but.. she shares it with her sister. At some point down the road when you have a bigger home maybe each kid will have their own room.
Until then... DH needs to extricate his head from his ass and realize that a kid that is in the home only two days every two weeks does not get to displace full time resident kids.
Good luck with this one.