Opinions /thoughts WHY BM does this with SS’s Psychiatrist???
BM is a CLASSIC Helicopter parent who babies and does everything for SS13. This is one of the main reasons SS13 is the way he is (Spoiled,entitled, lazy brat) SS13 sees a Psychiatrist for Medicine management due to mood issues once every two months. Both DH and BM go with SS13.
Now for my question....At the beginning of the appointment just BM and DH go in and talk to the Psychiatrist without SS13. BM will complain about how SS13 plays to many video games, how SS does NOT like going outside to play, how SS never does anything with his friends, how SS refuses to play a team sport etc. Now all these issues are true BUT to me they are more of a parenting issue. I mean if SS plays to many video games, which he does, take away his phone.. simple right? So WHY does BM ALWAYS bring up things like this during the Psychiatrist visit? What does she think the Psychiatrist who only sees SS13 once every two months do about these things? SS is already on Medicine so can't be BM pushing to drug him up.
I know we can't get into BM's head but thought I would put it out there to see what Everyone's opinion or thought was on this?
A lot of parents these days
A lot of parents these days seem to think their child has a psychiatric condition, and needs medicating, whereas in reality the child's behaviour is more due to poor parenting than anything else. Not denying the existence of serious psychiatric conditions, of course, but a lot aren't.
Next time they go in your DH
Next time they go in your DH needs to say: I have a proposal to fix these issues. Take away the power cord after 2 hours of gaming daily. That way he can't "sneak" more time.
Sign him up for a sport. If he won't pick one, pick for him- then actually parent and make him go. (I get that this can be hard. MY BS hates team sports. He had to try one for spring and one for fall every year- finally he found bowling. I would have never thought it was the thing for him, but he genuinely loves it! He is 14 yrs old and only playing for the past year.)
If you want him to get together with friends- tell him to call his friends and invite them over- if he refuses give him chores to do instead- I bet he will call a friend!
If your DH plays captain obvious with the therapist there- what is she going to say? No, that's too much work. I can't be a good mom and parent.
I mean, hopefully she does! That would be fun in court.
IMO you are not far off from what BM is trying
What I mean is BM is lazy. The reason BM Brought SS to the Psychiatrist in the first place. She wants him drugged up. NOW the reason BM is complaining to the Psychiatrist about SS is I think BM wants DH to fix it. Like I said I put a stop to Communication between BM and DH as she was dictating how she wanted DH to do things. So now the only chance she gets to talk to DH is during these meetings. So by BM "complaining" SS does not play any sports its her way of hoping the therapist will back her and put the idea in DH head SS should be doing sports. BM would take SS to practice BUT hoping DH will Encourage SS by playing Soccer in the back yard or signing up as a coach. Now these things BM would NOT do. Same thing as the video games and friends. BM is more of a supporting role but likes DH to Take initiative and do most of the heavy lifting.
As far as using this in "court" forget it. Last time in court DH had a huge list of everything DH taught SS from potty training to ridding a bike. Court could care less as long as someone Taught him that's all that matters
That is why your DH needs to
That is why your DH needs to put it back on her and call her out in front of the therapist for her piss poor parenting. He can't fix things are her house and she can't control things at his. But if she is going to whine because her kid is a lazy recluse, he can call her out on how SHE should fix it and walk away.
Because she doesn't see them
Because she doesn't see them as parenting issues and she wants the doctor to fix them. The real question is - why doesn't the doctor tell her these are parenting issues?
You will have to make sure he
You will have to make sure he doesn’t have the money to buy a new power cord online....unless you know absolutely for sure he wouldn’t do something like that.
BM probably wants two things.
To have DH in a room with her for her own relevance and attention. And for the psych to be able to wave a magic wand (likely with more and more meds) which will remove any need for her to actually parent SS.
Our BM is a severe hypochindriac, more aptly a chronic malingerer. She sees every doctor and therapist she can for herself and comes up with all kinds of conditions which render her "disabled". I say this in parenthese as her disabilities are ones of convenience. She has them when she wants disability welfare, but they suddenly disappear when she wants to do something fun, like go skiing. Unfortunately the skids have been brought up the same way. SD sees a psych, family doctor, gyno, endocrinologist, chiropractor, physio, naturopath foe years, and any others BM can find who will see her for whatever the ailment of the day is.
It's for attention, and also excuses as to why the skid can't just be a normal kid and needs to constantly have reasons (which we find are made up with forged doctors notes) to get out of school activities or whatever they don't feel like doing.
Your DH should try to speak to the therapist alone and find out what they consider the issue may be, and if they have any thoughts on why BM is continually bringing up things that really aren't treatable by a therapist, being they are a parenting issue. My DH did this, and the psych told DH that SD is likely a sociopath, but her main issue is that BM is toxic.
Because in true Golden Uterus
Because in true Golden Uterus BM fashion, bm thinks there is something wrong with the child (probably blames DH and or his genetics) and thinks the DR can actually fix it. It's easier to have a dr say it's the kid than bm to admit she's the problem for her child's behavior.
That is when your DH needs to
That is when your DH needs to speak up and say "Well at our house we have screen time limits." "If it's not raining, we make SK play outside." Etc. etc. etc.
If your DH is lacking in the parenting department, I'm sure BM is just trying to place blame on him on why SK behaves like this. Sounds like she is just as guilty for not parenting... just wanting to point fingers.
P.S. - I would reconsider this therapist if this is always the same format. Each parent needs to be brought in individually to get all sides. I even went with my DH to an appt once, so she could see the whole picture. I'd be concerned that your therapist is having the wool pulled over her eyes.
Think you are dead on...
DH is maybe not so lacking in parenting BUT does not agree with everything BM wants in how to run our home regarding SS. This is the reason I made him cut almost all contact with BM. Now the ONLY contact BM has with DH is with SS's therapist. I KNOW BM is purposing bringing things up to the therapist in front on DH in hopes the therapist sides with her and basically bully DH into doing what BM wants.
Regarding separate meetings with the therapist it's not allowed. DH tried and BOTH the therapist and BM refused to allow it.