I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE
I've read soooo many forums here before I decided to join. It's so weird how we all have these very unique situations, but yet and still... it's like we have identical problems. It's so heartbreaking for me to say this, but I think my relationship has no hope. I've tried talking to my SO about his ineffective parenting, but he's parenting out of guilt. Every time his son is over, it's like a party... no rules, no structure, no cleaning, no punishment, no inside voice. It's do what you want, when you want. He refuses to sleep alone at 6. He refuses to be alone, if even for a minute. He refuses to use the bathroom alone, shower alone, or do anything alone. His father must be with him every second of EVERY day. He's the most entitled, spoiled, selfish, rude, and mean lil you know what. He's violent, destructive, annoying, weird, gross, abusive. His father has allowed this crappy behavior to become the norm. He wants so badly for this kid to want to be here, that this kid has become a nightmare. He's also developed some sociopathic behavior. He enjoys hurting animals and people. He loves killing small things to watch them die. We can't have pets because when alone, he does disgusting, abusive things to them. He would try to stick things in my dog's backside. I had shared custody of him on the same weekends, but now my mom has him all the time. I'm just not happy. My 2 bio daughters hate him. He's repeatedly put his hands on them, or hit them with objects. Hell, he's hit his dad.... even degraded him. I just wanna be happy, and life without this little p**p is so great that I wish he weren't a part of this man's life. He can't parent to save hisself. His son is a terror, and so is my life any time he's around. Talking to my SO about this gets me nowhere. He thinks all is well, and maybe he should just be with the mom... possibly even someone without kids/underage kids. IDK. I can't imagine anyone wanting to spend time with this kid. Even my SO seems unhappy around him. He's utterly exhausting. He's soooo damn annoying. I thought this was a unique situation until I found this forum, and I've realized there's probably no hope for my relationship. It's truly heartbreaking.
If your partner can't see....
If your partner can't see that this child needs professional help, then yes, I'd say it's an impossible situation. If he is torturing small animals at 6, he will become a danger to you and your daughters. I'm sorry for you having to go through this situation. Good luck.
I think you're doing your
I think you're doing your bios a big disservice by forcing them to live (at least part of the time) with this kid who sounds sociopathic. Get them, and yourself, out of this situation before this kid gets larger and moves on from hurting animals to hurting your children. There is no hope for your relationship if your partner hasn't already seen his child's problems and addressed them. No point wasting more of your time on what seems like a dead end, not to mention subjecting your kids to this for one minute longer than necessary.
For the sake of your daughters,
For the sake of your daughters, you need to move out, or have DH move out, now. You don't say how old your daughters are, but if they are young, SS is a clear danger to them. You need to protect your daughters - if he hurt animals like that, he is going to try the same thing with your daughters. Since you said, "He's repeatedly put his hands on them, or hit them with objects" - I can't figure out why you are still letting him around your girls.
I came to say this.
I came to say this.
Welcome to the site!
I certainly couldn't be in the same house as him. I suppose if you really want the relationship with your SO you could move into your own place and just see him when mini psycho is not there.
Around here we say bio
Around here we say bio parents have "rose-tinted glasses on" when we mean they can't see their children as they truly are. I think you might be wearing a pair of your own when it comes to your partner. Whether you like it or not this child is a direct result of his parenting and I know a lot of us blame a bad BM for it, but kids have TWO parent and your DH is the issue here in a big way. How are you still attracted to someone who allows his child to kill/hurt small animals, other children, other adults, even himself? What kind of man is that? What is this guy giving you that you can't get from someone else that doesn't have a behaviorally challenged child-or even better without a child all together. What does he say when you tell him his son has harmed someone/thing? Or is just being foul in general. Guys like this hardly ever EVER realize their kids are absolute nightmares before it's just the two of them stuck together because the kid has run off all dads partners and the BMs can't deal with their terrible offspring anymore.
You've got to go...or not, stay and suffer but please send your own daughters to live somewhere else and do your own visitation with them out of that house. You are pretty much lining them lambs up for slaughter because even if it's little hits now, it's escalating and it's escalating even faster than normal disturbed behavior because his dad is enabling it.
Yes, this. Your SO is
Yes, this. Your SO is destroying his own kid. No way could I even look at him, much less think everything was great other than the kid. And then for him to say everything is just fine - ugh.
Don't make your kids live like this, OP. If it's too bad a situation for your dog to live in, surely it's no good for children either.
Kid is on his way to be a serial killer
Really time to RUN as fast as you can. This kid needs professional help. Your SO can not see that, Red Flag number two. This is not going to end well. You pitting you're Bio kids through this is going to screw them up for life.
Please for the sake of your bio kids. Leave ASAP.
Oh no my dear cut your losses
Oh no my dear cut your losses. You can't do more than the biological parents to fix situations. What if you two get pregnant and have an us kid? Leaving would be even more difficult bc your biological child would get left to hang out with his step brother. YIKES!!!
Love isn't enough sometimes.