How Do We Handle This!?
Feeling a little stressed for when the baby comes. I have a 10 year old step daughter who is with us 50/50 week by week and her mom isn’t as strict on covid precautions as we are. Like she still travels with her and they go eat at places and her little cousin is in daycare and she’s around her a lot. I’m worried that when the baby comes it’s not going to be a safe environment. We also aren’t told about things sometimes and end up finding out from my step daughter after the fact and it’s just scary. I’m not really sure what we can do. We’ve tried talking about how we try to be extra careful because I have asthma and my boyfriends dad is old but she doesn’t really seem to get it. My boyfriend was saying we could just keep her with us when the baby comes for like a month or two but I don’t think her mom will go for that and it will be a lot of pressure on me with a new baby to have to watch her and care for her too all on my own. He works all day and I will be a first time mom. It’s not an option for us to not see her for that long either so I’ve been trying to think of a plan or any ideas of how we can make things safer or easier. This is so hard and so scary. I don’t know what to do. I’m having so much anxiety.
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Ok no!!! You’re not keeping sd for a month or 2 because bio mum
Can’t give a stuff about quarrantining at home and social distancing etc.
when you have a newborn, you are recovering from the birth, lack of sleep and it takes a few months before bubs is in a rhythym and you don’t need a sd dumped on you as more unnecessary work!!
i guarantee you, your husband/partner certainly won’t be caring for his daughter... you will be busy feeding your newborn and putting her to sleep and catching up on your own sleep.... you don’t need to prioritize sd over your own mental health and that of your baby!!
newborns immune systems aren’t strong and its selfish to have bubs health compromised or to have a sd dumped on you when your main focus is on yourself and your baby..
All of this. Seriously.
All of this. Seriously.
Why is it not an option for
Why is it not an option for you not to see her for that long? SD needs to stay with her mother for a couple months, not with you two. Your DH can do socially distant visits during that time (ie, have BM drop SD off to visit him in a park for a couple hours or something).
And let's not forget Zoom,
And let's not forget Zoom, Skype, etc.
Right. Depending where they
Right. Depending where they are, outside stuff may be fine. We have a less than 1% Covid rate here, so I'm very comfortable socializing outside.
I am going to give different
I am going to give different opinion on this as I have DS soon to 12 (use to be SS). I am pregnant and will be having the baby in a couple of months. Have I thought about what to do with the baby and how to handle all the germs he will likely be brining home from school and what not. Sure I absolutely have. I also have done some extensive research on it as well. From what I read a new born will be just ask likely to get the flu as the covid. Guess what both are not great for a new born to have.
There is very little information out there on new borns and covid and you want to probably guess why? Because not that many are getting it. I get you are worried and you want what is best for your baby but read articles and any research you can to really educate yourself before you jump to no visitation. That can also cause some resentment with SD and her starting to think that the new baby matters more to DH than she does.
Have you thought about visitors like your parents or his parents seeing the baby? Do you plan on staying at home or is the baby going into child care? How do you know with complete accuracy that the person who is handling your child during the birth is not infected and just not symptomatic? Is your husband still leaving the house everyday for work and around people?
This one sounds scary but also read the part where it is rare.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/coronavirus/in-depth/coro....
https://www.news-medical.net/news/20200709/Manifestations-of-COVID-19-in...
Most people with newborns
Most people with newborns right now are keeping them in very tight pandemic bubbles. I certainly would.
I know most are but sometimes
I know most are but sometimes that is not reality. I work full time and so does my DH and guess what we need both incomes abotu 6 to 8 weeks after I have this baby guess what they will be in Day Care. I do not really have many other options. I am not keeping my son out of school and going fully cyber with him if I am not requried to. He is the type of kid that needs that in person learning if not he will struggle.
That is great on what you would do and maybe you would have that ability but some do not. You can only keep the bubble so small. All I am saying is besides keeping baby protected there also needs to be consideration on what it will do the SD to all the sudden be asked to stay away. Before all this covid stuff SD still could bring home germs and other things that could infect the baby.
OP and her boyfriend can take measure when SD comes over like making sure she washes her hands, and when around the baby or holding baby wears a mask. When you have a blended family you have to think about everyone and everything and what effect it will have. Just saying.
If your SS's mom was involved
If your SS's mom was involved and had majority custody, you may feel differently about the situation. You don't have the option to send him to his mom. The OP does. As you say, everyone has to do what works best for them. It could be done in a way that spares the SD's feelings.
Not all SMs in a blended family have to think about everyone and everything because these kids already have parents. That mental load belongs to them, not SM.
OP's only responsibly and concern is to her newborn.
Surely at her age, SD can
Surely at her age, SD can understand why. Frankly, the SM doesn't need her around after she gives birth even without Covid. She's the primary caregiver and shouldn't be expected to do that until she heals (really never, but in this case she has agreed to it).
You don't really have options. The OP does.
The issue here is not solely covid.
Its that selfish bio mum wants to have sd come to the house as usual, the dad isn’t caring for her and the op here has every right to have alone time with the newborn to focus on breastfeeding etc..,
also just with any flu or virus, some babies are way more susceptible to getting a bad reaction. My son has multiple times needed to go to the clinic or hospital for an oxygen mask because of severe trouble breathing and this is just from flu/bronchitis since he was several months old to 3 yrs old.
op doesn’t need to cave in here and put her and her babys health aside. Also research out there states that mums who just gave birth can take upto 6 months to gain their immunity back as their body is depleted of nutrients etc..
in australia we are seeing multiple cases of newborns born with covid and straight to icu on ventilator....
the op partner is just as responsible and needs to be considerate of op and the fact she is giving birth soon so its not all about sd feelings. Skids need to stop being coddled all the bloody time like their feelings are the #1 priority... it isn’t
so if bio mum needs to sort out daycare for sd if she works, she needs to sort that out and the dad contributes to it for the times sd would normally be with him
I would ask your DH if they
I would ask your DH if they would consider switching custody every two weeks instead of one. That way if she tests positive, it will less likely transfer homes. I would also consider taking my newborn and staying with my parents or brother while SD stayed with her dad.
I don't know how your home is set up, but would it be possible to separate the kids on different floors? I world ask that SD (and anyone else) wears a mask if she wants to get within 6 feet of the baby.
I think you have every right to insist on any and as many rules as you can think of to help ease your anxiety right now. My anxiety was through the roof when I brought my baby home, and that was pre-COVID.
Sadly it is virtually
Sadly it is virtually impossible to eliminate all risks of catching Covid. All we can do is try to minimize the big risks and then decide which small and medium risks we are willing to take and what reasonable steps we can take to shrink the risk of those further.
In my mind, the longer we can put off catching covid, the better the medical response will be. Doctor's knoweldge of the disease is advancing all the time. And maybe we will be lucky enough not to catch it long enough to get an effective vacination.
As for the op's situation, I would not bother with trying to have sd full time when the baby arrives for all the reasons above, plus BM is unlikely to agree to it (why should she) so there is little point in trying.
Avoiding sd coming to your home for a couple of months could work, with dad doing outside visits - though he and sd are likely to slip up and will probably hug and get closer than 6ft, so it will not eliminate the risk - but could help minimize it. Sd could also do zoom visits with her new sibling so that she can "meet" the baby. Personally I feel that this arrangement would be less detrimental to sd's sense of well being than the baby being kept away from sd in dad's house, as long as sd understands that it is temporary and due to covid, and not her.
Ultimately though the OP and her husband will have to work out what they are comfortable with and balance that with practicality. As Ash pointed out above if as a unit you and your husband cannot or do not isolate with the baby for those couple of months then the baby is going to be potentially exposed from sources other than sd anyway. In that case is it fair to disrupt sd's visits?
These times are throwing up tough choices with no easy answers. It feels like all we can do is try our best and then cross our fingers.
My kids SM is actually 5 days
My kids SM is actually 5 days over due right now. My 2 kids are out there for the summer with her (she wanted it that way- I offered to have them come back early this year) and they live in CA, we are in VA. The hospital requires a strict 3 week quarantine before your due date so the whole house is on lock down out there- they can't even go get groceries they have to have them delivered.
They are also not planning on leaving the house for the first 4 weeks after the baby comes with the exception of my exH taking our kids to the airport to send them home.
I would not have kids in and out. I would do what she is and either SD stays there or SD can come visit the baby after she has a covid test and it comes back clean as well as quarantining for the 3 days while she waits for results.
I would not risk my baby. I would tell BM for the 3 weeks prior and _____ after that you aren't comfortable having SD there since they are not taking things seriously.