No life skills and no care for education
I worked as a Paraeducator for years and am now pursuing teaching while I stay at home with my LO. My step daughter's mother is also a a Paraeducator and works at her school that she attends. I am getting so frustrated with my boyfriend and my SD's mother for not putting more importance on her education or her knowing basic life skills! She is 8 and in my opinion, severely behind in school. It has been known she was behind since I've known her but now it's more than being a little behind, she is years behind. She is 8, going into 3rd, and unable to read basic words in picture books, unable to read dice numbers without counting the dots then unable to add the numbers without help, unable to draw basic pictures like trees, houses, cars even when I encourage her by describing how to using basic shapes. And no one is doing anything to improve this but me I feel like! I read with her, play board games with her, cook with her, anything I can while we have her. She says she doesn't own books at home and doesn't do any of this at home! And as far as life skills go... can't brush her hair by herself (her hair is long but it's straight and easy to manage), doesn't brush teeth or wash hands without being told, struggles putting on "difficult" clothes by herself, has to have help getting the shower ready like get out her towel, bath mat and turn on water. I made her start buckling herself last year (age 7) and opening her own car door (we have a small short car). I'm just like why are you handicapping you're child?! What do your 8 year olds do independently???
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RUN!!!
Bail now before its too late!! You will be stuck in the eeeevvvvviiiiiillll SM role as you care more than her parents (bad idea). The parents will happily paint you as the ogre and all three will turn against you.
I love my boyfriend and he's
I love my boyfriend and he's a wonderful father to my daughter and I know he will be to our future daughter that I am pregnant with. I just don't think he knows how to truly parent his oldest daughter. He's a pushover, he's just that way with any of his kids, but it does bother me he doesn't provide any structure. I honestly feel bad for him and feel like he maybe doesn't feel like she's really hissssss child and daughter bc he only has her EOW and has such little influence on her over her mother.
Why isn't her Father teaching her any of this?
Why isn't her Father teaching her any of this? If you read around this site, one piece of advice you will see repeated over and over is, "You can't care more than the parents." In the long run, it is only going to bring you heartache. This child has two parents who should be teaching her life and education skills. Does you boyfriend teach anything to his child with you, or are you totally responsible for that child as well?
He does, specially when I
He does, specially when I explain how important this is. He also plays the bird games with us, reads with her (rarely), he didn't grow up with parents who read to him every night like I did, so I feel he doesn't realize that's what normal parents do. But he coddles her and does everythingggg for her and I try to tell him it's not helping it's actually hurting. I'm just wondering if I am being mean and expecting too much? What are your 8 year olds capable of doing themselves?
Again
BF is ONLY TEACHING CHILD AT YOUR REQUEST. If you weren't around, there would be zero teaching, training, discipline. This makes him a poor parent and you an eeeeevvvviiilll SM for "guiding" BF into parenting his child. You also have a mini wife in training (SD , aka daddy's princess)
You are not being mean nor having unreasonable expectations for an eight yr old. Find a nice child free man or at least a man who actually parents his child on his own (rarer than a polka dot unicorn)
Do NOT have a child with this man. All three will soon turn against you. You have been warned.
Too late,
Too late, she already has one with him and another on the way...
oh gawd
So I do already have 1 with
So I do already have 1 with him and am pregnant with our 2nd. I love him very much and am happy with him. However, I do agree that he wouldn't be doing parenting discipline or structure if not for me. And I agree that does make him a lacking parent. It's strange because he has no problem parenting ours (she's only 1 so I mean not a whole lot of structure and discipline thus far) but struggles with his oldest daughter. I feel that because it's EOW he just kind of let's the time pass by and not do any kind of parenting stuff. I tell him that he seems more like an uncle than a father and I think it makes him sad to see that it is that way but not enough that he tries to change it. He's also a pushover and I'm sure he'll be that way with our girls as well.
You are not "being mean".
You are not "being mean". Your bf is by intellectually and emotionally handicapping his kid.
This will make things very difficult for you as time goes on. His daughter will get seriously entitled and angry when you suggest she do things on her own. It will cause major upheaval in your home.
Also, do you think she will launch at a normal age if she is so emotionally and intellectually handicapped? No way a trade school or college will happen, much less a job that she can halfway support herself with. Do you want her living with you when she is 25 and your boyfriend picking up the tab for his adult baby?
Push this HARD, by the time she is 10 it will be difficult, at best, to turn it around. Might I suggest if it isn't turned around by then...just leave.
"Intellectually and mentally
"Intellectually and mentally handicapping" his daughter. Wow perfect way to explain it!!!!!
I worry too about her graduating HS, going onto a trade/college or even just a good enough job to support herself. That's why I find it hard to "disengage" as many suggest. I care for this girl and don't want her to have a difficult adult life. I just wish her parents found it more important as well!
So the only parenting he does is play the "bird" game
So the only parenting he does is play the "bird" game and rarely read to her? Does he interact with her? Does he teach her right from wrong, ask her about her day, brush her hair, take her for walks? In other words, does he do any actual parenting - or do you do it all? That is the point, he should be parenting his child.
Based on your other post - everything you listed are tasks an 8 year old can do on their own. Most everything your niece did at 8, your SD should be able to do. But the point we are trying to make to you is that it is up to your SO, her father, to teach her these things - not you. If you want to help, that is great. But it is not, and should not be, your responsibility.
Sorry I misspelled lol I
Sorry I misspelled lol I meant board games! Future teacher and I find them both entertaining and a learning experience so we have all different ones. My bf is a great father to her but lacks on the pushing education and teaching her basic skills. He finds it easier to just do it for her but I've explained that you do need to let them struggle or they'll never learn to solve problems on their own. We only have her 4x a month and I guess he doesn't feel reciting flash cards to be important lol I agree so I've tried to explain other ways to incorporate learning into daily things. Board games, doing crafts, etc.
After I married DH
Is when the true extent of him waiting on them hand and foot became evident. They were 10 and 8 and had never poured their own cereal or milk. They looked at me like I was insane after they asked for apples and I handed them two apples. They had never eaten a whole apple before. DH and BM cut them up.
This is not gonna get better unless your DH starts parenting not just playing along with you like he's one of the kids.
Lol yea she has never poured
Lol yea she has never poured her own cereal!!!! Or gotten any food or drinks herself! She knows where everything is too! My bf feels it's easier to just do it for them but I try to tell him no it's not! Let them spill the milk, let them make a mess, I get it may take longer to leave the house but let her comb her own hair!!! It's easier to do stuff for your kid, it's quicker and done right but that's lazyyyy parenting in my opinion.