SD's lack of intelligence is in my favor...
SD20 backed out of any "help" from DH or I. Basically said we were doing this (guiding her thru car buying process) only because DH wants to control her....
What?
I spent time on Monday contacting our credit union to find out what their 1st time buyer car program was about. I spent time on Monday speaking with a car salesman who we've dealt with in the past..I spent time yesterday speaking with a friend who is selling his mother's car and negotiating a deal for her..,checking on insurance..and so on.
Only for DH to receive a long text from SD that she doesn't want our help. Uh Hello? SHE ASKED US FOR HELP! So that was a complete waste of time for all parties involved. So now DH is pissed, GMA is pissed and Me, I don't give a shit. She's tiresome.
I told DH to let her go. Let her figure it out. She thinks she can do all this on her own, well then let her. Supposedly she's got her eye on a flashy red piece of crap at the Buy Here Pay Here lot...let her spend an incredibly huge amount of money (again) on another car that lasts 6 months. Buh-Bye.
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It's because you wouldn't
It's because you wouldn't just give her the money outright. Spawn would do sh*t like this. Good on your for being willing to help, hopefully DH realizes his kid will continue to do this and he should get used to disappointment.
Absolutely! She is currently
Absolutely! She is currently borrowing a truck from Roommates brother. She "THOUGHT" she purchased the truck from him in exchange for a video game system and some money...she later found out the exchange was just to borrow it. This is her mentality with things...she is clueless.
When I bought cars for my BD
When I bought cars for my BD (and for myself when she was a teen), I had her shadow me every step of the way. She saw me walk out on sales guys who were jerks. She listened while I negotiated a price. She sat with me when we did the loans and insurance. When she was old enough to buy her own car, she didn't need my help.
We've had several car buying adventures that still have us laughing to the point of tears. One of my favorites was buying a used car for her. I taught her to drive a standard transmission car, and that's what she wanted. A point of pride for her. We found a car she was interested in. The sales guy tried every which way to steer us to other cars. Turns out he didn't want to drive the car up to the building because he couldn't drive a stick. So my 17-year-old 5'2" girl got the keys and plate, went out to the car on the lot, and drove to the building to pick me up. We didn't buy the car, but it sure was fun.
Anyway. Sounds like you were trying to provide good guidance about a process that can be complicated (and expensive). Maybe your SD will learn the hard way. Maybe she'll whine a lot, but I'd be out too.
Exactly! Thats all we were
Exactly! Thats all we were attempting to do. No different than my own Bios...she just doesn't get it. It is a complicated process. She's on her own.
What you don’t get is
SD wants you to buy and pay for her car. Not getting a loan for her. OMG she may have to actually work to pay it off.
Once it was clear than no major money was coming her way. You are controlling Back to BM for help.
Disengage from her, no matter what you do. Or if you don't let her control everything, or your money you are wrong.
She sounds very irresponsible
She sounds very irresponsible. DH should not get involved at all. She sounds like my SD25 who is greedy but lazy - wants the things and the money but not the work to get them.
The time suck
I'm trying to calculate all the phone calls, research, meetings, questions, negotiating, etc I've done over the years for the SKs for things that did not pan out due to their lack of interest. DH was a good one to push for this, wanted the best for his kids, I get it. But, like you said, we should have let them figure it out for themselves.
And my parents did it for me
And my parents did it for me as his did it for him. It can be a VERY costly mistake without guidance and thats all we were trying to do. We want her to succeed, we want her to be in a good financial position. She works and gets a pretty decent paycheck for her age and no high school diploma. She can be on the right course given her situation but for whatever reason she just digs her heels in anytime that "help" is offered. The ONLY reason we got involved was because she asked for help.
I know
You just want to beat your head against the wall watching them make mistakes! I have gone thru it with my own, too, not just the SKs. It's so hard to watch them make mistakes we already made earlier and warned them about. Sigh, I guess thats the parent's role.
Figure it out SD
That will be my mantra now. SD14 wants to nit pick and argue with me lately.
"Ok figure it out because Im out!"
Eternal Teenager pulled this
Eternal Teenager pulled this crap with DH before I was around. Her truck broke down and it needed a new engine or something equally pricey. DH, being a dumba$$ at the time since she was remarried, tried to help her out. Looked at the price to replace whatever was broke. Looked at pick-and-pull places. Eventually settled that it would be cheaper and better to just buy something new.
Him and FIL were going to buy it for her and set up a payment plan so she didn't have to take out a loan, but it had to be on a "new" car. There was no fixing the truck.
Her response?
"F**k YOU! I'm not getting rid of my truck!" *hang up*
Yep. It wasn't exactly what she wanted, so she decided to throw the baby out with the bath water.
Oh, and she was nearly 30 at the time.
With skids
no good deed goes unpunished.
She wanted a freebie; she probably also wants you to pay for her Auto Insurance.
This is runaway we're talking about, yes?