Am I expecting too much?
Can I please receive some insight on what you all think are age appropriate responsibilities around the house for a 6 and 9 year old? For the past couple years, we’ve got them in a place that when they wake up, they will make their beds (not to adult standards, but it’s the effort that matters to me), turn their night lights off, and get dressed without being asked. But beyond that, these two would lay in bed in front of any screen or monitor available to them without even opening their curtains to the light of day if we allowed them. Beyond the progress mentioned above, they are lazy, lack common sense, and lack interest in life beyond watching and having conversations about YouTube and TikTok. They can’t use a broom to sweep leaves off of their trampoline, they can’t pick up sticks in the yard, they can’t pick up dog poop in the yard. And for whatever reason, nothing sticks with them. Every other thing we would expect them to do automatically (wipe around the sink with a towel after you soak it, turn off a light when you’re done in a room, flush the toilet, don’t change clothes three times a day, don’t run and stomp through and scream in common areas of the house, put your socks in the hamper instead of leaving them all over the house) has to be reminded EVERY SINGLE TIME when they are here. I understand that expectations can differ from one house to the next unfortunately, especially when they’re back and forth between two homes, but do you think it’s “normal” to have to CONSTANTLY remind these little (yet annoying) things? Shouldn’t this stuff become habit and stick after a certain number of years? I know this may seem petty in comparison to many of the more challenging and serious issues presented here, but I feel like three days a week I’m constantly playing the repeater game. Is this normal or are my expectations out of wack? I guess it’s possible that this is normal and my expectations are also out of wack… Lol. I’d just like to stop feeling like I’m banging my head against a wall.
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Yes
If you're expecting anything from children who are not legally yours, you are expecting too much. It's a battle you will never win. My advice is separate living spaces so you never have to see their crap or messes. Remove it from your life and enjoy stress free living.
Saying that it's because
Saying that it's because things are done differently at s house is not an excuse. Kids are able to go to school.and know that schools have a set of rules so understanding a house has certain rules should be no different.
Have you tried consequences
Have you tried consequences for failing to do the basic things that are expected? I swear words go in one ear and out the other with some kids, but take away a tablet or TV time and you get their attention.
Where is your husband in all
Where is your husband in all this, or is this just your battle?
Honestly, I'm not a super neat person, I didn't care about any of that. My SS left his room as he pleased and I shut the door. He was good about not leaving a mess in the bathroom, I'll give him that. He mowed the lawn, and that was about it.
My DH can't even hit the hamper with his socks, frankly.
Since I'm not overly concerned about cleanliness, I always think efforts like this are pointless and too stressful with skids, especially if your DH isn't backing you up. Who cares if they have leaves on their trampoline or their beds are made?
If you want them to do a chore, DH should tell them to get out there and pick up sticks or poop, of course they are capable of that. I'm all for kids doing chores, but expecting them to just want to do them, or remember to clean up, isn't really realistic, in my mind. And if they aren't your own kids, you are fighting a losing battle.
You may be expecting too many things at once
I'm guessing the kids do the morning stuff out of habit, not some innate sense of responsibility. Your household may have expected too many things from them at once. Pick one or maybe two (related) things. Focus on getting them to do that. Have a reward and penalty system. Once you see that it's a habit, move on to the next one.
For example: you want them to take their plates to the counter and rinse them after meals. They could get a piece of LEGO that's part of something that would be a whole thing in a week or two. And there is no reminding during the time they should do the thing. If they do it, praise them and make it a show of putting the piece in a jar for them. (Clear jar so they can see) If the don't do it then you call them out on it and take a piece back out (or point out you cannot even put in the first piece). Find what they like (even cash, like dimes) that they can accumulate or lose in pieces. At the end of the time, they get what's in the jar. If they don't have much, well, they didn't do enough.