I have a really complex and interesting dynamic. The gist: im a SM to 8 great kids. 2 currently under 18.  The relationship I have with my older SK is woven in a lot of years of ups and downs that have bonded us each of very different ways. And in some ways, divided us the same. But nevertheless, we each have a good relationship with one another and i have no doubt where we stand with one another. 

The younger SK, both girls, have had me in their life since they were both pretty young and do not really remember a dynamic that doesn’t include me. Seven years. We love one another.  We have a good relationship and we are navigating the preteen years a lot better then I expected us to. It’s all still new and we’re all three learning together our parts but I know it’s  the start of a really good, open and trusting path. 

My problem is my relationship with DH. I want to walk away. I love him. I always have and probably always will. But I am no longer happy in the life we have build and I do not see myself wanting to be here for the future. He favors on of the girls over the other because they have a lot more in common and it breaks my heart. I’ve tried multiple times and ways to talk to him. One of his older daughters has tried too. But it’s like he has no interest in her whatsoever. 

Her health is something we need to be paying attention to and helping her with, but DH acts like he’s loosing out and inconvenienced beyond words we might have to change how we cook certain meals and make healthier choices for our shared meals. (Ie wheat vs white bread, thin crust pizza, more veggies, less starch… nothing crazy or extreme) 

SD struggles in school and always has. It’s something she is very self conscious about. DH says she’ll be fine, he was. She doesn’t have to be smart, that’s ok too. Never mind how it makes her feel and how much she tries and WANTS to do better and feel like she understands more. 

SD birthday coming up, has done nothing to plan anything or get her anything or even so much as ask what she may want to do. Yes, I’ve planned it and will make sure she has a wonderful time. I pretend DH was a part of everything I do for her. She has openly talked to me about how she feels he treats her differently and I try to cover it up so much when I can. 

I can’t make DH care or want to be there. We fought a nearly two year battle just to be able to finally have a CO to see the girls on a standard basis and so they remained in the state after BM tried to move. I feel like some days I was wrong in fighting because it feels like he just wanted to to make sure he had his “rights” but doesn’t actually want the responsibility that comes with it. 

DH sucks as a dad. It’s that simple. Unless it’s of interest to him, (read, sports) he doesn’t care and doesn’t want to be a part of it. I can’t keep sitting here and watching that be ok, never the less enable him every step of the way. 

I’m so frustrated by it all… and defeated...