Step Kids Don't want to go back to their mum's
Hi all
First time posting here. I hope I can get some advice.
DH has four kids aged 5-13. They're normally here about 40% of the time. However since lock down we've been having them 50/50, two weeks on and two weeks off. I care about them all very much and we have a great relationship.
Last week when they were due to go back to BM's they all turne around and said they didn't want to go back to their mum's. They didn't give any significant reasons. Things like 'I have my own room' and 'You have a pantry' :/
Tbh neither me nor DH were surprised. She's a terrible.mother and by all accounts just sticks them in front of screens all day. She's never had a job, even before kids, but we both have full time, stressful jobs (me in the emergency services), yet we always do things with them, play games, do homework, talk to them etc. BM has a boyfriend and it seems since then hasn't been as bothered with them at all.
My questions are this:
- Can these really be the reasons they want to stay? They love th Xbox and by all accounts that's all they do at BM's so it just doesn't add up.
- We're over three weeks having them now. As I said, we have a lovely relationship and I don't mind, but I'm also getting resentful that she gets to sit on her ass with no kids and no job whilst we have both. The kids are very intense and high maintenance. I think I need a break, but also don't want them going back somewhere they don't want to be - what if there's bigger reasons they're not telling us?
My DH is amazing and always tells me to take a break, I'm just not very good at it!
Any advice will be so gratefully received.
Kids don't decide their own
Kids don't decide their own schedule - and they need time with both parents. Send them back as scheduled!
Completely agree!!!!!
Completely agree!!!!!
Dad is required to follow the
Dad is required to follow the court order as it stands.
He can request a modification for a more fair and balanced time share via court.
IF the kids were in immediate danger, authorities would have to be a part of the removal from moms. Does not sound as though the kids are in danger, correct?
Just cant keep the kids...
Do not get involved.
You cannot get involved in this, because it may suit their mother right now, but the day it doesnt and she decided to be a mother again you will be the N#1 enemy. Youll be accused of brainwashing the kids, making them hate her. it will all be your fault that they dont want to return.
You cannot adjust your life around his X's sex life, You need your time and there is a plan in place. Sorry Kiddies, your mother loves you very much - see ya in 2 weeks. It cant be negotiable. You are not responsible for their deadbeat BM. If she begins to neglect them, report her until then. Sorry it isnt an option.
Too big an age range for a conspiracy
"DH has four kids aged 5-13..... they all turne around and said they didn't want to go back to their mum's......- what if there's bigger reasons they're not telling us? "
I can't see kids of that wide an age range successfully conspiring to hide a secret from adults who know them well. 5 year olds and 13 year olds don't think in the same ways. If there is a hidden motive it will be in the minds of the oldest or the two oldest, who will have primed the younger ones to agree by stressing the obvious advantages of staying, not by letting them in on the secret.
Did you get the impression all four had spontaneously decided they wanted to stay with you, or that one or more primed the others?
"The Court Order does not
"The Court Order does not give you or us any choice". The CO is the tool for managing this. On the one hand, it prevents either side of the blended family equation from running amok, and on the other it gives an official reason for limiting invasion of Skids into either household they shuffle between.
Of course if you want them the CO prevents that without agreement with blended family opposition and/or the courts.
If there is not a CO, get one. It is the best tool for managing the blended family environment and minimizing toxicity in the blended family opposition.