When you have finally reached the point where you have nothing to lose.

Everytime OSD graces us with her presence. The cycle begins. SO expects a different result, gets all excited and worked up. Then lavishes OSD with dinners, gifts and his undevoted attention. Once she has used him up, approximately 4 days in. She begins her tyrade of verbal abuse and blatant disrespect, then exits. SO falls into a depression, where he stays up all night pouting then sleeps all day, doesn't go to work and does nothing around the house. He ignores me and the other children and can't understand what my problem is.

Each time this happens my disgust for him grows, I have absolutely no respect for him as a man and father. This time I have been pushed to the point where I am completely over it and am not sure if there is anything he can do to change my feelings.

Clinically I understand that all of his behavior is from being in am abusive relationship. But she is a child and he allows her to have that much control. I can't change that he has to and after a year of this it doesn't look like he is going to. I will not ride the crazy train with him anymore.

I realized our relationship was nearing an end because I have been spending a lot of my time without him.

I sat him down and had the most honest conversation I have ever had with him. Why not, I feel I have nothing to lose at this point and it felt good to get it all out.

I told him flat out I have absolutely zero respect for him as a man and partner. At this moment he brings nothing to this relationship. I don't even look at him as a man. I actually look at him with pity. To watch a grown man be completely demasculated by a 14 year old child while he stands there with his head down, is sad to watch. Then to dust the footprints off his back before kissing her butt again in the hopes of getting a moment of affection from her is just downright pathetic. I told him at this moment I have absolutely no respect for him. Also that I can guarantee OSD doesn't either.

I told him he is not a good partner, because he is willing to disrespect me in my own home and disregard my feelings in order to appease OSD.

I told him the end result will be he is going to lose his GF the one person who has genuinely been nothing but good to him and still not have OSD because she only wants to use him and go back to BMs where life is easier. It's not our jobs to get our kids to like us, it's our jobs to raise them right.

So far it's not looking good for SO, he is now just throwing himself a bigger pity party. He has been saying things like I am going to break up with him to find someone else. I reassured him that will not happen because I am thoroughly traumatized by this whole experience I would never want to do it again.

I will be happy to go back to my care free life.

Wicked stepmo.'s blog
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The pattern

Have you ever told him about the pattern you outlined so well in your first paragraph? Sometimes people are in a cycle and cant see it.

I feel for you. This must be so hard to watch.

We did address all the the

We did address all the the above in counseling. His take from it was not to see the light or accept the reality. But that me and the counselor were ganging up on him psychoanalyzing him so he can just continue his pattern of denial.

I have even gone as far as to predict what will happen next at each stage so when it happens he can see it differently.

SD: comes is polite, following rules being sweet as pie.

Me: she is going to ask for stuff.

SO: well I haven't gotten her anything in a while, so it's only fair. I am her father.

Me: Ummm wasn't it her choice not to come. Wouldn't missing out be a natural consequence of that?

SD: Asks for stuff, SO gets everything she asks for.

Me: Well she is going to go back to being her normal rude, disrespectful self.

SD: immediately puts on the smallest most inappropriate clothes she can find. Makes messes everywhere in the house, is generally rude and disrespectful for no reason just because and lashes out in SO when he says something about it.

Me: she will be gone in 4 days and will return on her b'day.

SD: leaves only coming back for 5 min to get the rest of her stuff.

SO: goes into a depression. Because engaging in the same pattern didn't work this time.

Also,

saying "oh you're just gonna dump me to find someone better" is just him fishing for you to reassure him you'll stay (which you can't promise anyway) and it just another example of him being pathetic. He's NOT saying "I hear you" or "I want to work on this, and my first step is x" or even "I see it too". He's playing the poor me fiddle yet again. The only worthwhile apology is a change in behavior.

Yea... this stuck out to me

Yea... this stuck out to me too.

Yuck. Manipulative.

"You're right, SO. I probably

"You're right, SO. I probably will leave you. If I do, what I do with my future is none of your concern. You have enough to worry about at present that you don't need to be thinking about my future without you. If you want my future to be with you, then you better start acting better. This isn't a threat. This is the reality of where we are."

How long are you going to do this before you pack up and go?

I don't have to go anywhere

I don't have to go anywhere it's my home. I will not hold out hope much longer. The way I feel at this moment is I wouldn't be upset if he left tomorrow. I'm waiting to see if he can end his pity party and re- evaluate his priorities. Right now I am doubtful he can. Being pitiful isn't doing it for me. If he can't man up and be who I need him to be then that's it.

Then give him his 30 day

Then give him his 30 day eviction notice. Gives you a clear timeline by which you need to see change AND shows him just how serious you are.

It's a horrible feeling being

It's a horrible feeling being with a weak man. Your SO doesn't see anything wrong with letting his daughter emasculate him? If not then I would move on and let him find a woman who treats him like his daughter does. Maybe then he will get sick and tired of being sick and tired and that will prompt him to figure out where he lost his balls at. Smh. No way in hell would I tolerate this bs.

I pity your boyfriend. You've

I pity your boyfriend. You've laid out the reality for him, and what he is about to lose, and he still won't make a change. At least you can leave knowing you tried everything you could. The issue is him, and it seems pretty clear he has no intention of working on him.

People get in abusive

People get in abusive relationships because of their own damage, and the only way out is to heal that damage. He chooses not to, despite having been given opportunities and had the dynamic pointed out to him. There is nothing you can do about that, except choose whether or not you want to stick around to watch it. You know that SD is only going to get more skilled at manipulating him as she gets older.