Things go from bad to worse... advice please?
Oh boy, where to begin? I met my now boyfriend about 3 years ago online. He had told me he was happily divorced and had 2 kids, a girl and a boy. I did a background check, and sure enough everything checked out. Well out of the blue a year and a half into it I receive a phone call from my boyfriend's long term live in girlfriend (now ex and baby mama). She introduced herself as his wife (they only had a ceremony, never married legally) and that she was pregnant. She left him. And I did too until he stepped up when I needed him most. Well, there was a lot of accusations of cheating and questioning if the baby was even my boyfriend's. Legally speaking, the baby is not his. She wouldn't allow him to come witness the birth or sign the birth certificate. The baby is now a little over a year. My boyfriend has seen his daughter twice since she's been born. Marriage has come up in conversation recently and I'm nervous that me being his partner will jeopardize his relationship with his daughter. Baby Mama has a lot of influence in our lives now because she uses this child as a pawn to get back at my boyfriend for what he did. I'm concerned about the well being of this child and wondering what I can do to ease the situation without removing myself from my relationship. If push comes to shove, I will end things with my boyfriend so he can have a relationship with his daughter. I have no communication with Baby Mama, and communication between Baby Mama and my boyfriend is always very hostile, mostly on her part. His other two children from his first marriage adore me, as well as his actual ex wife.
I'm totally confused, sorry -
I'm totally confused, sorry - he was actually still with her when you started dating? But she cheated on him and got pregnant and he doesn't know if it's his? Why is it not legally his? Has he gotten a paternity test? Why doesn't he have a court order to see his child if she is his biologically?
BM is angry because he cheated with you while they were together and using the kid as a pawn? You aren't the reason he doesn't see his kid - his inability to set limits with BM and get paternity/court ordered visitation is the reason.
I'm also confused....as to
I'm also confused....as to why you would want to be with this guy? He sounds dodgy to say the least.
Life is too short to be
Life is too short to be wasted on shady people.
Additionally, this man should have this mess sorted legally before even considering marriage. That he hasn't speaks to character.
Please don't move forward unless/until he gets his poo together.
I agree
with Exjulie. I would not want to legally join myself with someone with this kind of history of lying/cheating/justifying, but if you are sure you want to stick it out, he FOR SURE needs to sort out legal paternity, custody, and child support.
Also, I don't have much to go on here, but I'd also say that sometimes those people who swoop into rescue use that to force the tie with someone. I had a friendship where the person was SO WONDERFUL when I was low but constantly trying to bring me down and be codependent when I was out of that low point. So maybe this person has taught you a lot about yourself and helped you at a bad time, but you also don't owe this person a relationship because of that.
Why is this guy so appealing?
Why is this guy so appealing? He seems to have a nasty habit of cheating, then impregnating women so they are tied to him. Better to walk away, I'm pretty sure he's already talking with his next victim.
You should leave. You're
You should leave. You're already half way entertaining the idea with the thought of leaving so he can have a relationship with his daughter. Don't be fooled, you leaving will not fix any of this situation because the only ones who can fix it are the two of them and their behaviors. You should leave. It's only going to get bigger and worse as the child gets bigger. What does he bring to the table besides drama?
There are way too many red
There are way too many red flags with this guy.