Have I fallen out of love?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and he has an 8 year old son who is a nightmare. Ever since SS's behaviour has got worse, it feels like a bigger and bigger wedge has been driving between me and my partner. I've been feeling for a while like my boyfriend and I are friends or flat mates rather than a couple. I rarely feel like being intimate with him and I find myself really getting annoyed with the smallest things that he does. He lost his job around 10 months ago and has decided to pursue art as a career path, I've been incredibly supportive despite him earning no money from it and not really getting anywhere with it. I am desperate to start saving for a holiday , a mortgage, weekends away etc and he seems to have no motivation to get there. I've brought up that it's probably a good idea for him to get a stable job while he's seeing if the art career takes off, and his excuse for not getting one is that he'll have less time to spend with his son. This is complete bullsh*t though because he sees him for the exact amount of time each week as he did when he worked a 9-5 job.
However, we have been stuck in lockdown together for a year, in a tiny house (no space to spend time alone in the house) with absolutely 0 excitement in our relationship. Obviously me feeling stressed because of his son and his son's behaviour in general doesn't help me feeling like I want to run away. But I just don't know if we're stuck in a rut because of this lockdown, or whether I've fallen out of love now 
You have lost respect for him
You have lost respect for him, and no wonder. He's putting his need to spend time hanging out with his little nightmare above your relationship and future together as well as above his duty to provide for said nightmare. He's acting very childish.
So he inflicts his
So he inflicts his uncontrolled (uncontrollable?), noisy, messy child on you, decides he wants to be an artist, and expects you to pay the bills? Does he expect you to clean and cook as well?
I suggest you go back and read over your other posts then ponder the fact that the kid is getting older and bigger and will be worse in every way. Imagine what he'll be like when he's bigger than you and ask yourself what you will do when he starts to physically intimidate you and your bf just stands there and watches...
Look, you're already paying the way for more than two people, just think how much easier life would be if you only had to pay for yourself. Just think of all the things you could do with the extra cash every month ... Dump the loser and let him sink or swim because he sure as heck doesn't care about your wellbeing.
How could you still be in
How could you still be in love with a man who behaves this way? Also - he's using you. At the very least, put a stop to that. It's not your job to support him while he "pursues an art career". People do that on the side, after they work their regular job.
He sounds like a terrible father AND partner.
This relationship is not for
This relationship is not for you. It doesn't sound like you are in a rut. It sounds like you want something different than what he wants. Always remember you have free will to make a life that brings you happiness. You are not happy in this one.
Let me address art as a
Let me address art as a career path. What is he actually DOING to be successful? Art is a business, if he intends to make a living as an artist. Does he have a business plan? Is he developing a following/clients? Talking with galleries? Developing PR/publicity? Having live or virtual shows? I would suggest to you that if he is not working LONGER hours than a standard job, then he's not serious about pursuing art as a career. He might be extermely talented, but that doesn't mean he can automatically call art his career.
If you are paying all the bills while he chases around his child and creates art, then YOU are his business plan. Why are you carrying the load for his happiness, to the detriment of your own?
This
^ This all the way. I am a home artist, though digital personally. You can be sucessful, but you have to work three times as hard to make even a fraction of the money. Developing social media and ads is another very important factor. If he wants to be serious about it, he has to be doing some of this bit by bit every day, not just doing the fun art part.
Personally my income is secondary because even taking as many clients as I can in a month while keeping up with what I do around the house, it won't compare to a standard full-time job unless you become insanely famous overnight.
It's so nice to hear this
It's so nice to hear this from someone who knows the industry and the struggles of it! He's supposed to be doing an online course to learn digital effects, but even that he'll sit and watch for an hour, then call it a day. When I try to remind him of the realistic outcome that he's probably going to spend years getting to where he wants to get, he comes back with a deluded response which is "all I need is one person to ask me to do a project for them, then they'll mention me to someone else, and this time next year I'll be earning 30-40k easily!" And honestly every time I hear that dumb and unrealistic sentence I want to scream! It just won't seem to sink in that, having not made a penny so far and with 0 experience in the field, he will not be raking the pounds in, in 12 months!
Yikes... 30/40k gets him
Yikes... 30/40k gets him excited? Seriously he needs a REAL JOB.
A real job and a f*cking
A real job and a f*cking reality check! If it doesn't change soon I'm going to have to walk away, I can't keep working myself to the bone in my job every day knowing he's sat at home doing sweet F.A and living in a fantasy world!
Why waste any more time
Why waste any more time waiting? You know that nothing is going to change and that he is absolutely content to just sit at home and let you carry him and his dreams.
It is pretty delusional...
It is pretty delusional... yeah. If you don't have realistic expectations in the industry I promise you it won't work. If you can't be self-motivated, it's a nonstarter. I've been working from home for three years and I don't even make those figures, and it's not a good fit for every family. Most artists will have at least a part-time to get by while working on expanding their at home career to a sustainable level.
Sorry you're having to go through it. Maybe try settling a goal? If he doesn't raise X money in 4 weeks, it's time to pick up a part-time. If he doesn't want to work with you on it then it's probably time for some harsh reality. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to lay down the law or move on if he can't make you happy!
Oh how nice! He wants a hobby
Oh how nice! He wants a hobby and to spend more time with his kid instead of working! DON'T WE ALL. But...we don't, because we like to house, clothe and feed our children (and ourselves).
Seriously WTF. Dump this going nowhere using loser.
LOL Your honesty is spot on.
LOL Your honesty is spot on.
I can't help it! It was
I can't help it! It was exactly what popped into my head. Pretty sure I had some strong side eye too. This is exactly what I would tell a friend.
OP - please take heart. We have all made relationship mistakes. Correcting them is key.
Hit the nail on the head
Honestly these thoughts pop into my head every single day which makes me feel like such a bad person
when I bring this very valid point up, he tells me that he knows how miserable he would be working a 9-5 again, so it makes me feel bad for even saying anything!
So he thinks you should have
So he thinks you should have to support BOTH of them? Like. Thinks YOU should? Seriously. I am getting mad on your behalf. He is USING and MANIPULATING you.
Aw, poor baby. He'd be
Aw, poor baby. He'd be miserable working 9-5, so you have to work harder to support his precious a$$.
Kick this guy to the curb.
He is using you. You can do
He is using you. He is taking advantage of you. Even if he wants to pursue the arts as his future he can still do so while also having a job. Even if it isn't the best job, a job still pays the bills. He is free to focus on his art after his workday or on his off days. There is no reason he cannot do both. You can do so much better.
I can totally feel your pain.
I can totally feel your pain. I am in the same situation. My SO has been making excuses for not working for only a little over a month when I know he has jobs he could be doing. But he has gotten to comfortable sitting home letting me do everything.
I have been absolutely disgusted with him for that and other reasons. I was not nice about it one bit either when I called him out on it.
I can't tell you how relieved
I can't tell you how relieved I feel to know that there's someone else out there who feels the same as me! I'm so so glad you called him out on it and I seriously hope it sinks in with him! I feel like at this point my SO isn't going to go back into a job until something drastic happens like we lose the house or he can't afford to pay for his car each month. I just don't even want to get near that point :(
So you threatening to leave
So you threatening to leave won't do the trick? This guy sounds very entitled.
Stop paying for HIS car.. I
Stop paying for HIS car.. I got myself into a sticky situation all this big hopes and dreams.. I was in the middle of cleaning up my credit to purchase a home... co signed for his truck because his motor unexpectedly blew and it was the best option.. no biggy right.. well obviously it hits my credit score.. not a huge deal because I don't have a vehicle loan myself so moving on.. I get a notification that my credit just took a big hit.. log on to see why.. because she he has owned the truck he has not had insurance on it and so the lender put their insurance on it causing the loan total to increase by $5,+++. I needed those extra points so I put insurance on the truck.. guess who has been paying the insurance on the truck even with the promise of I'll pay you every month.
He doesn't help with bills around the house.. we have daycare expense of $250 each week totally $1000 a month. Once in a while he will chip in and cover a week. In November I told him enough is enough I can't keep doing it.. if I'm doing it by myself I'm going to be by myself and not put up with his bullshit.. come November he worked extra hours and some cash jobs and holy crap he paid his half. Cool, I knew better than to get my hopes up because I haven't seen a penny except for 1 day care expense taken care of. Whoopty shit.
Bright side.. I now own the house that we live in.. and in pisses me off to high heaven when he tells everyone "we" bought the house.. "we" did this.. "we" did that.. his dad pulled me aside and wanted to make sure to tell me that since we are married we should really get everything taken care of with a lawyer so that way if anything goes south it is alright since we are purchasing a house together.. I literally laughed and asked him if he thought I was that stupid. He had a puzzled look on his face.. I didn't feel the need to elaborate, your sons an idiot and we all know it.
He is trying to manipulate the best he can to stick around.. he has no option and no place to go unless he does what he did in November and pick up extra hours to pull his weight on his own. He tried to move back to his uncles where he came from before (he was a hired help on the farm who was provided living) but it is being sold and is no longer an option.He slipped up and told me without directly telling me.
What's the upside to keeping
What's the upside to keeping this freeloader around?
There are none. I've told him
There are none. I've told him I'd no longer like his daughter at the house, I've told him how I feel about him, he knows everything I watched the realization come over his face. He is completely aware.. I've just been too busy and focused on other things to push the subject at the time being. He won't go until I lose my shit and shove him out the door, that much I am aware of.
Bet he is on online dating
Bet he is on online dating sites looking for his next victim!
That is too much work. He is
That is too much work. He is just on snapchat to keep it local.. we live in a small rural area.