Not the ideal outcome but a SP reality.
After the karma bus ran over BM and SO. SO had an awakening that PP (precious princess) is actually a bad seed in need of serious help. Hallelujah!!!
I already have my conclusions of how this will all end up being the observer over the last few years. But SO is emotionally involved and wants what's best for PP, which is unrealistic because of BM but understandable none the less.
I am not a cold-hearted individual just detached because I accept that some situations are out of my control. That being said for SOs benefit I went through the motions that any reasonable, caring parent would agreeably do for Thier child. Remember I said " reasonable and caring" not selfish and self-centered.
I extended an olive branch to BM, who according to her is hysterical and claims she cannot handle PP anymore. I offered her a respite from PP for as long as she needed and suggested myself, SO, BM and BMs BF talk in person or over facetime to discuss PP issues and make a plan to be all on the same page so she can't manipulate between the two homes.
Reasonable right? No response and no mention of it when she spoke with SO yesterday.
SO and I sat and talked about it. He genuinely cares about PP and knows she needs help. Hei s angry and upset with BM. Finally, the blame is being placed where it belongs!!!
Back to what was discussed in counseling session number 1. SO is powerless to change anything in regards to PP as long as BM continues to allow it.
I explained to SO BM doesn't want PP to change that is evidenced by her 3 unsuccessful adult children with issues. What did she ever do to try and address Thier issues when they were growing up? That's right absolutely nothing! She uses Thier behavior to garner sympathy for herself to be the eternal victim even though she is the one to reinforce Thier behavior. Example this weekend, PP was so horrible BM was in years. PP gets to spend the weekend at her friends house.
Why does PP not want to be here, because that would never happen. Why does PP want to be at BMs because they have a toxic relationship that is rewarding for the both of them.
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I would just stay out of it
I would just stay out of it entirely, honestly. Let BM and SO deal with SD, she's not your problem.
I do agree with your analysis. My SS21 and BM clearly like their love/hate bond, or one of them would do something about it. They fight and argue like a married couple, but neither one puts an end to it. It's part of how they relate, and it meets dependency needs for both of them.
I had been removed for over a
I had been removed for over a year. I also explained to SO that this is exact reason why. I felt I had to show him, because I already knew but he didn't see it. That I'm not some monster who hates his kids. That I am removing myself from a toxic situation. I also do not want to have a relationship with PP as she is now because she is toxic and not going to change because she has no reason to.
He said at this time after everything that has happened, he feels the same way. He doesn't want to deal with her behavior and doesn't want to deal with the stress when there is nothing he can do about it and BM isn't willing to do anything about it.
Those love/ hate relationships
I know what you mean about BM and SD's love/hate relationship. Our late BM and SD had one, too. I think it must be a family pattern that goes back for generations, these BMs probably learned it in their own childhood homes. My SD does the same with her 2 daughters.
I've spoken with each of the 2 SGDs when they have vented to me about SD doing this. I explained that it is most likely a family pattern. I can't do anything about it but at least they know what it is and can decide if they want to perpetuate it.
Oh it's definitely
Oh it's definitely generational. SO told me about the time BM had her own mother arrested for assault after she slapped one of BMs older kids after he called her an F'ing B.
But the dysfunction doesnt end there. After BMs mom dies BM maxes out all of her dead mother's credit cards and drags her father who has dementia with her where ever she is living so she can keep his retirement and social security to live off of. She has the second oldest 15 at the time stay out of school so he can babysit the grandfather and when he is old enough she lets him quit school.
Oh, brother!
She is terrible! She's up there on the list of Worst BMs.. I feel sorry for you having to deal with this.