If I were you, I might agree to a slight decrease, just to keep the peace. But not what they are proposing.

Actually - re-read it - and you already give them a decrease, so nope. It's absurd that he thinks he can just stop supporting the older kids because he feels like it.

You are right in all of this. Your ex had a very successful military career and is choosing to retire at the ripe old age of 40 to be a stay at home Dad to his second family. At his age, he could have a very successful second career. While you aren't expecting him to change his choices regarding being a stay at home parent, you are asking him to maintain the same level of support, since your children's needs haven't diminished. This is totally reasonable. He can be a stay at home Dad, but he is going to have to find a way to fulfill his full CS obligation. 

You guys have maintained a good coparenting relationship all this time, but that doesn't mean you won't disagree at some point. If a judge has to intervene, so be it. Money is a difficult topic, especially between exes when it interferes with each other's livelihood and lifestyle. Plus, while you have a good working relationship with your ex and his wife, your ex should be discussing this with you directly, not his wife... It seems like the wife is pushing this issue more than the ex. 

You are right.

If you were still with your ex and he decided (with your agreement) to be a stay at home dad, at least you would get the benefit from him being there more for the kids and being able to do all the stuff that is easier to get done during the work day. But you have had no say in his job change, and you get no benefit from him not working, plus your kids get no benefit from it either, so it is perfectly reasonable to refuse to voluntarily accept less money. 

You are not doing anything to affect the parenting relationship. Your ex and his wife are. Them asking more than once is rude and they are the ones who are putting the strain on the situation by continuing to ask after you refused. 

No, no, no. You have accommodated enough. This is a CHOICE on their end. 

I know you want to salvage the parenting relationship but I really feel like they are trying to take advantage of you and your kindness. Be strong. You are in the right. 

*dup*

"I have already made my position clear. Please stop asking."

And that's all you need to say. You have been more than generous all these years.

You are 100% right, and I think their repeated requests when you have said no are disrespectful.  Don't let them bully you into this.  Your children deserve support from their father just like his kids with SM do.  It is not reasonable for him to expect you to take less CS (especially when you've already agreed to take less than you're entitled to) because of choices they want to make for their family.  They have to balance their desires for their family with his obligations to yours.

I think in the long run you will be very resentful if you agree to lower CS and that will do more damage to your co-parenting relationship than sticking up for your children's rights now will.  I have to think your ex and his wife are self-aware enough to realize that what they're asking for isn't reasonable for you, and they'll get over it.  They can revamp their plans and come up with something that works for ALL the children.

In the meantime, I'd tell SM to have the ex call you if he wants to continue the conversation.  This is between you and your ex-husband and you shouldn't have to deal with a go-between, no matter how good your relationship might be with her.

I don't know which is worse, that he's trying to shirk his obligations as a parent, or that she is the one doing the asking. Either way it's wrong.

If you choose to do this and let the bullies win, can you look yourself in the mirror and be happy with yourself?? You are standing up for your kids. If he pays less how can he make it up to them?   What can he do to replace the money for them?   How many more years before your kids age out of support?   
 

If you give a rat a cookie, how much more will he ask for in the future??  Do you want to set that precedent with him??? 

You are right.. and my response might also go something along the lines of.

For the past 4-5 years, I have voluntarily agreed to a lower payment than you would otherwise have been obligated to pay to support your children.  I have put a lot of value on our positive parenting relationship.  However, if you continue to push the idea that you get to voluntarily quit working at 40 so you can afford to stay home with your "new kids".. I will be forced to take you back to court to get exactly what I am entitled to get for CS and you may not be happy to learn that a judge is quite likely going to be very happy to impute an income that is based on your salary prior to your "youthful retirement". and you are very likely to not only get a reduction from my generously accepted current amoutn.. to a higher amount than I am getting now.

I want to remind you that it is not my goal to force you to pay more.. but if our parenting relationship is damaged by further pressing of this "lower payment"  that is absolutely a ridiculous request being made soley for your family's benefit and to my and his children's detriment... I may as well seek out a payment that maximizes our children's rights...

Again,  I am not trying to cause conflict here.. but at this point, you need to understand I will not entertain any lowering of CS.. and to keep pressing it is likely goint to result in me seeking an INCREASE... so let's consider this topic closed to further discussion.

It looks like your good co-parenting relationship has run its course. He's being a completely irresponsible asshat and his wife is urging him along. Horsepuckey. 

Two ideas...

"My answer remains the same. All previous correspondence regarding this matter will be forwarded to my attorney who will henceforth be copied on all additional correspondence."

Reply with your attorney copied on the correspondence, "Attorney, please respond to this."

And it's time to block his wife. 

ExDH,

I will not consider reducing CS.  This is now a closed matter, and further discussion will not be entertained.  If you persist, however, we can always go back into court and have a judge make a final determination on a 41 year old physically and mentally capable father wanting to reduce CS because said father prefers to be a SAHD to younger children from a subsequent marriage.

JMTB

You're not wrong, and I like the scenario you offered to illustrate your point.

Stay strong!

Your kids deserve the money.  He can stay home during the day and work nights.  If they are moving to Maryland he could work for any number of defense contractors and most likely telework.  Maryland is expensive, property taxes are high and the state doesn't give the military any break on retirement income.  But if he is moving to so. Maryland a decent house is gonna run at least $425.  Real estate prices are crazy here right now.

Don't worry about ruining the current parenting relationship if you take them back to court. If you accept the reduction you'll end up being so PISSED that you've ended up footing the cost of their $500k house and early retirement and that'll affect the coparenting relationship anyway. A relationship is not one sided. Sometime despite our own efforts to maintain a good relationship the other side will do something unreasonable and that's what's happening here. Accept that it'll never be the same regardless of whatever you say or do. And proceed with standing your ground to give your kids what they deserve. What is more important? Giving your kids what they deserve or being friendly with your ex?

Reduction would be ok with me if my ex became disabled and couldn't work full time, too old to manage working full time. Deciding to quit his job at 40 not a good reason for reduction  

You are absolutely right in all of this.

They really have a lot of frickin' nerve. And the wife is now harassing you.

Perhaps their mortgage company will agree to take a reduction in their monthly payment, ya know, because he wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

Stay-at-home parents make financial sacrifices to be able to afford the luxury of one parent staying home. They make those sacrifices (giving up certain wants, properly budgeting, etc.), while still paying their actual obligations. If your ex and his wife can't find a way to make it work, without screwing his other kids, then it just doesn't work. And HE works.

That's life. We don't always get what we want, just because we want it.

Don't do it. I do not feel one ounce of guilt for collecting CS for DS and the full amount.

That money is for DS helps pay for all his needs, extracurricular activities, tutoring, and so on.

Why should his father be relieved of his obligation to support his own child.

If exH wasn't so selfish and would split costs 50/50 I wouldn't have to, but he is so CS is his only contribution to his child.

I get along with SM great, she is very lovely and is a great SM to my DD. But no way no how financial arrangements would be discussed with her. My DD is 33 and we are divorced since she was a little girl and we've been through many things like colleges and weddings and death and moving and etc etc and I never discussed finances whth SM. It's all kind of wrong. It must be between you and ex and I'd stop all communication with her about that 

frankly it sounds that she is pushing for this change