Thank you so much for all of your feedback! I didn't get any emails telling me there were responses, so I was thinking my rant was never looked at, until I logged on to check it out and saw all of these. I really appreciate the bluntness that a lot of you provided, I realize that there is no hope for our relationship if I don't start talking about how serious this all is for me. I am happy to say that I did finally have a talk with my SO (even before seeing this feedback) because I woke up in a snippy ass mood for the third day in a row and I had previously told my partner that I wasn't ready to talk because I was completely overwhelmed. Well we finally talked and it actually went really well. I broke down and told her that I have been keeping a lot of this in because it's confusing to have so much love for her child but also to feel like I want to run away at the same time, or feeling like I have no idea what I am doing and am in over my head. She got real with me and told me that she sometimes feels the same way as well and that it's completely normal. The thing I did not think about was that this is new for the both of us. She was never a full time parent to this extent and I knew that, but I didn't correlate that to her learning day by day just as I am. The kiddo has lived a decade of being moved around, changes in her BDs life, run ins with chaos and illegal living. It was just a mess for her, so she is also learning how to be in a stable environment with chores and rules, etc. She lived a life where she took care of her dad and he didn't know how to return that. So this whole situation is new to all of us and I need to try and remember all of that when I feel like my fuse is shorter than usual.

My partner also made it clear that even though something might not bother her, she wants to know when something bothers me or rather if I see her do something that she isn't aware she is doing in regards to giving boundaries or making rules and sticking with them. She wants me to be a part of setting those boundaries and we did start with the room situation. So my SD is no longer allowed in our room at any time unless she is invited in. But I do see that this rule could definitely be a little tighter as I see the potential of her thinking because we are in there, she can come in if she asks. So definitely going to tighten our that boundary some more to avoid any complications from it and the fact that it's the only child free spot I have in this house. We are both saving up to get a bigger place together, so hopefully this will be less of an issue if we make it that far because ideally she will have a backyard and more space to fill her time.

She is completely open to me getting more personal time for myself, all I have to do is ask for it. Whether that is me leaving for the sake of leaving just to get out of the house or her and SD going away for the weekend to give me the place to myself. She said it was completely fine and would like for me to speak up to have those needs met. We also discussed my need for feeling more certain in that I have parent ship privelages of saying no and taking things away if it results in that. I'm only to use the phrase, "do I need to call your mother" as an absolutely last resort. I am free to take her tablet away, make her do more chores, etc. if she isn't listening or being sassy, all of the things I haven't felt comfortable doing because I haven't been sure of my place as a rule enforcer. I was essentially bombarding my SO with she did this and that the moment she walked in the door and letting her handle all of it, which was making me lose my authority with the kid without even realizing it.

So it's been a little better over the last few days, I have woken up in a slightly better mood and not been quite as quick to anger. I am working on being more assertive and saying no when it's needed and setting my own boundaries. We also brought SD in to discuss some of these things as well, and to let her know that her reacting or demanding things be different than what we are saying is not acceptable. I think that family meetings are going to be more common to keep us all on top of these issues because the reality is that I invited them to come live with me and it needs to be respected that this is still my space and my stuff. If I can just be stronger in my showing up when I am getting overwhelmed, I think a lot of this can be resolved or reshaped. My SD really values her mom and my relationship and is constantly expressing that she never wants us to "ruin it" or end things. So I know that she supports her and I making it work but she needs to understand as well that it means that we also need alone time and when we ask for it, there needs to not be whining or a question or anything coming from her considering everything we do is typically to make her happy. I've been working with her to show that it's okay to be bored and that she doesn't have to do what she wants to do every time she asks to do it. That is not reality and not every day is a play day because her mommas are f*cking tired haha. After all of that, I just wanted to say one more thank you to each of your replies. I am definitely going to keep utilizing this platform to learn how to better show up for myself in this new role and to feel like I am not alone in the frustrations of being overwhelmed.