Moving Away
I'm planning on moving about 4 hours away, which would mean that DH would be 4 hours away from SS17. I do not want SS to move with us for his last year of high school. To rephrase, he WILL NOT move with us. We will try to basically entice BM with enough money that she will not hesitate to take him for the year. I will not allow him to live in my new home for many reasons. I need to have a clean start with my young children. I will not be tied to any more drama. DH seems to think that SS moving in with us could be a possibility if BM drops him off on us. But, if that happens, I will require DH to find a different home for him and SS or just a different home for SS.
BM is high conflict and SS is a bag full of issues, but that's not the core issue. The core is DH. He avoids conflict with BM and SS, thus causing me and our little kids to suffer. He avoids being honest with the skids for fear that they won't love him anymore. He talked about this move solving our marital issues, but I made it clear to him (at least I tried) that this move is another way for him to avoid BM and SS. For me, this move means that I'll be closer to family and support. For him, this is just an extension of him trying to avoid truthful conversations with his ex and SS. I understood keeping the peace when both skids were younger and we needed to protect them both emotionally and physically, but skid #2 is almost an adult.
He's entitled, he steals, he smells, he'd probably be flunking out of school if his parents weren't doing virtual school for him. He's not getting any sort of further education paid for. He needs to find an after-school/summer job and learn to do what the rest of productive society does because that's where he's going to be in a year and a half. Why can't his parents just flat out say it. In my opinion, not being honest about his future is a real detriment to him, just like him getting A's and B's when his parents are doing the school work is a real detriment to him.
Anyway, I'm just done. I used to have guilt about the skids, but I'm running on empty. I'm thinking about myself and my little kids only now. Any advice on this? Has anyone moved away successfully? Did moving away help?
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Thank you for the advice. I
Thank you for the advice. I know I will have to be honest with my family about SS when I move. Maybe I'll get the emotional support that I've needed all these years after I let people know about my life.
But I really just think I need to end this relationship for my sanity. I had a full on anxiety attack this evening. DH was working on a possible custody schedule for SS17 after our move. It included only the next school year (a period of 10 months) and he had 8 visitations! It resulted in me getting angry. I asked questions like, how is a 17 year old going to have a job and life elsewhere if he's visiting us 3-4 days every month. I'd understand this schedule for a young child, but this is ridiculous and way too intrusive to me. DH said that we never talked about SS getting a job during the school year. I went catatonic. The only way to prepare a child who isn't going to college for the real world is for them to get a job. I just don't even know what to say to DH anymore.