Word of encouragement/anyone been in this boat???
This is a whopper. We are dealing with a high conflict/avoidance BM here. Basically my SO is at her mercy, at least it feels like it. They have two children together SS(13), SD(11). We've had SS living with us full-time since the end of 2017. There was a spoken agreement that child support would be terminated completely since each parent had a child full time. Child support has been adding up and the BM has been dragging her feet for the past 3 years to file anything with her lawyer to put this to a stop. Excuse after excuse. Child support has taken thousands of dollars from taxes, first stimulus etc. and she receives it with the promise of sending that money back to My SO and contacting her lawyer to file a motion. Every time she gets a deposit she makes up excuses, is difficult to work with and hard to reach in regards to resolving this long overdue issue. She also feels threatened and has voiced this when SO says he's going to have to get his own lawyer if they can't work together on this. Recently SO has had to pay a month worths of child support in order to keep his license from becoming suspended and the BM acted sympathetic/ said she was ready to finally put to action her words of terminating the support order. The plan was for her to use the money SO had to send into CS to pay for half of the lawyer fee to file the motion and send back whatever was left back to SO. It's been two weeks and we haven't seen any movement. She's making excuses everyday. We have yet to see an invoice showing that the lawyer was paid and no personal payment of the remainder of the money. We were gonna use what SO paid to child support to keep his license to pay for our own lawyer but BM made it seem like she was going to help put a stop to it. She also made a few half ass attempts of canceling the arrearages but of course. It's been since 2017. I can't do anything about this. I'm just watching on the sidelines as my households money gets sent to her over these last few years and she pockets it. Any words of encouragement to throw my way or anyone been in a similar predicament?
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ETA
BM is also remarried and the husband is possessive and abusive towards her. She is not able to speak with my SO unless she's at work or isn't around the husband. Kind of like sneaking around to speak. Idk if that's part of why she hasn't tried to terminate the support or not.
Why are you waiting on her or
Why are you waiting on her or even hiring an attorney for a CS modification? CS is a calculator- you don't need an attorney for this!
He needs to go to the courthouse, file himself and be done with it. He should also bring in every email and text for the hearing if she doesn't agree to drop it and have all arrearages dropped.
This. Your husband is NOT
This. Your husband is NOT helpless. He can take legal action himself. I'd also bring in any proof you have that SS is living with you. Then file a motion. She may even be required to pay back child support (though don't hold your breathe because mom privlege in court...)
Sorry you are going through this
child support is big business. They come after you with a vengeace, if the child support services gets involved.
It seems to me that the BM is all talk, all excuses. Its time to get a bit tougher, especially if your partner is going to lose his license over the arrearages. The thing that people dont know or understand about the "system" is that no matter what is agreed between the 2 bio parents, if the child support services gets involved, and depending what state you are in, its difficult to stop it. Paperwork must be filed
BM and SO might have their own agreement in place, an understanding not to pay, but SO must also have filed with courts to stop it.
SO needs to file a custody change with the courts. THEN comes the Child support modification order. THEN he can stop paying.
I would suggest doing your own research, find out exactly the steps are needed. What needs to be filed. If BM is truly in agreement with everything, you do not need a lawyer to file paperwork. You file it. You get the proper stamps.
Get every single detail in that court order. Who can claim what child. Visitation schedules. Custody, legal and physical.
Because if SO loses license, and cannot work, or gets caught driving on suspended license...more trouble happens, and it will affect you. I'm not a sidelines kind of person, but I do occasionally disengage. However, losing license and paying exhorbinent lawyer fees would get me involved.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Thanks you guys!
I appreciate the responses. I didn't know he could just file something himself? I thought since they were married it had to go through the courts. But yes I will tell him to screenshot their conversations through text in case this gets ugly and I truly hope it doesn't. He simply just wants to put an end to this without any drama.
What he needs to file is
What he needs to file is usually called something like "Request for Modification" or "Motion to Ammend Order". Tell him to ask the clerk for the form to change custody and child support.
He fills them out, there may be a filing fee (usually less than $50) and then a hearing date gets set. It isn't hard to do what you need done!
So if he goes ahead and files
So if he goes ahead and files the motion & BM changes up & decides she is no longer in aggreance with what they both decided on personally, there is a HIGH chance she'll blow up over him filing something cause she is crazy. Could she prolong/hault this process of this by say, not showing up to the hearing etc?
By not showing up she has a
By not showing up she has a high chance of your DH getting everything he is asking for.
Your DH needs to get his balls back from his ex wife and stop funding her life with her new husband. You guys also have a child in your home to support.
Yes. If she is as crazy as
Yes. If she is as crazy as you say, your SO likely needs to consult with an attorney to make sure his ducks are in a row. However, the longer he waits, the more in arrears he is going to be in and the more interest he's going to pay on what he owes.
Either CS needs to be modified or SS needs to go back to living with BM as is outlined in the current order or your SO needs to pay CS AND keep SS as he has verbally agreed.
^^^THIS THIS THIS^^^
^^^THIS THIS THIS^^^
Please make the effort to get to the court house today OR monday.
After the first screw over by your bm...your SO has every right to set things in motion.
Hang in there---we are all here to support you.
Thank you!
Yes, we will have to do this very soon! We've moved since then and are a 4 hour drive from the county that the case was started in.
Look at it this way. How much
Look at it this way. How much does your DH make in a day? How much does he pay in CS? Is it worth him missing 1 day of work to stop the CS? - I am willing to be it is.
BM is NOT in agreement with
BM is NOT in agreement with him paying no child support. She may say that, but obviously, it's not true, since she's stalled for 3 years while raking in the cash.
As the others said, he should go down and file. If he ends up owing BM, at least he won't be at her manipulative mercy anymore and begging her to file with the court.
Your SO is going to owe the
Your SO is going to owe the money for the last 3 years unless BM is reasonable & signs off on it. Given that this hasn't been handled, I'm betting she won't sign. He needs to file for modification - yesterday. Yes, BM can drag it out but they will adjust back to filing date (yes that means he owes 3 years of support).
Until he files for a
Until he files for a modification he is responsible for the original order and any areas. Even if he is granted the modification he will still be responsible for anything owed prior to the date he filed.
He can submit any documents in support of his request at the time he files.