Disrespect
I am a guy living with my partner and her 3 kids. The youngest boy gives me somewhat respect, however the two older girls are completely nasty and ignore me to the point I feel like ending the relationship. For example every night they are always saying goodnight to mummy and the usual I love you etc etc but totally ignore me!! It is so frustrating and my partner only ever takes the kids sides and tonight when it happened the bratty kids lied and said they had said goodnight earlier to me which I told my partner was a lie. It is always just mum mum mum never me in ANYTHING!! My partner usually just says ohh don't take it personal?? How the heck can't I not take it personally!! Anyone else in the same situation?? Ps- I have never in my life felt so disrespected which is turning into a huge depressive state I can feel could boil over at any stage that could escalate my choices for the future.
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I was a step-daughter
I often cringe when I read posts like yours because I see myself back in the day. I didnt hate my dad (who adopted me) just was kind of jealous of him taking my mom's attention. I totally ignored him.
My mom never talked to me about showing respect for him. It never dawned on me that I might be hurting his feelings. Perhaps if you make your feelings clear to your SO she can enlighten the girls. I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt that it's just ignorance. But in any case, a heart-to-heart with your SO would be the first step.
By the way, everyone has different feelngs about saying or hearing, " I love you". Personally, I would be apprehensive about hearing that from girls who had never shown interest in me. I'd settle for polite, civil behavior, if I were you.
Thanks so much for your
Thanks so much for your comment. I have most certainly addressed it with my partner but she will take the kids sides over mine and just tell me that they do "love me" which is an absolute joke.
and civil would be great! If it was reciprocated. I am constantly putting myself out there and being nice which always ends up in more than just ignoring from the girls. The older one knows what she is doing and is a complete and udder bitch, she has a lot of issues as it is with school and other relationships so I guess it makes sense that she pushes me away to the extreme..
I would not appreciate my SO
I would not appreciate my SO blowing smoke up my skirt. I would be quite frank. I know the girls don't love me.. I don't expect them to love me....that isn't a requirement for them. It would be nice if we all LIKE each other in this home, but at the very least, we should be civilly polite to others in the home.. and that means greetings etc.. are not designed to exclude one person in particular.
When the girls are doing their nightly volley of Love you's to mom.. do you pipe up with "Good nigt girls.. sleep tight" ..or any generic thing like that? I mean.. are you just sitting there waiting for them to acknowledge you..or are you being proactive and clearly indicating that you are saying Goodnight in a pleasant way and it is politeness for them to respond? THAT is what your GF should acknowledge is that if she is sitting there.. and you say that.. and they ignore? THAT is a GF problem.
Ignoring
That's the whole trouble there is no civil and polite behaviour in how they are treating me and I'm sick of raising it with my partner as it just falls on deaf ears.
I have the same situation
I have the same situation with my SD. For me is all about respect and to be an educated person, is part of a kid education to be polite say thank you, hello, good bye, good morning, good night etc. at least I grew up like that. This kids are just disrespectful brats. To be honest at the beggining I felt so disrespected too (a lot of times I felt so pissed), at the time I told DH and he sometimes tells her she has to say those things to me, but this happens always and I think even if your partner talk seriously about this with her children this situation will not change at all. I know it sounds difficult but just ignore it, I know you will feel kind of invisible or something, but the best for your is to ignore them, I really dont think this will change and maybe it turns worst. This kids are not yours, of course they have to have respect for you, it's obvious they dont even have that, so don't expect good things for you from them. Don't let this things affect your mental health, the problem is them (skids and BM) not you.
I went through being shunned
I went through being shunned in my own home by my SD31 for over 7 years while that loathesome sack of shit lived with us full time. My DH did jack shit about it. I developed physical symptoms and went to therapy where my therapist said it is untenable to live in a situation in which I'm being shunned in my own home. My DH and I ened up in couples counselling and our therapist told DH he MUST call out my SD and even consequence her up to and including not having her come to our house for visits. It was awful. My doctor finally said that it was imperitive that my SD no longer be a member of my immediate family. Yet, my DH played it off like it was nothing. I was the adult and I got the same lines about taking it personally or "stop wringing your hands over it," and on and on. Well, I wrung my hands over it because my SD had the power to get my DH to divorce me and I knew it.
Your SO needs to yank those bitches' chains. Don't fall for any crap about, "I can't make them like you," or such bullshit. No, your SO can't make them like you but she can require that they respect you.
I almost moved out. My DH didn't want to lose yet another child (our DDstb21 who was 7 - 14 at the time) so he had to do something. He never really did and now I have a 31 year old cow who still excludes me at famly gatherings that I host.
It's soul-destroying to be actively excluded in your own home and then being sold out by your partner because she wants to allow kids to rule the roost rather than a bill-paying adult who should be 50% of the adult equation in the home. You deserve at least basic respect.
You have more of a SO problem than a SK problem. I would have it out with her and tell her she MUST address the issue with her kids or you're out. If she fails to have your back, then arrange for separate homes. Also, revoke any financial, cooking, cleaning or any other benefits that those girls have been getting from you.
^^This^^
Your SO is ALLOWING this. In fact, she's actually ENCOURAGING it, because her silence tacitly gives permission. And when you brought the issue to her, she gaslighted you with a line of bull that is patently false.
You need to apply more pressure to your SO to parent her kids by correcting them when they are rude to you. Stand up for yourself with her, and give her an ultimatum - either you are treated with civility and respect by her and her kids, or ________. You choose what the consequences are, but remember - ultimatums need to carry weight, and you need to be prepared to follow through.
At the very minimum, I would not support these rude kids, either financially or with emotional labor. Not one penny of yours should put a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, etc. That's on their parents. You're a human being, not a wallet, and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. Don't put up with this, and don't allow your SO to manipulate you with pretty words that allow her to avoid standing up for you and actually parenting.
Don't allow your GF to get
Don't allow your GF to get away with letting her kids disrespect you. They don't have to like you, but she should be teaching them manners, and she's not. None of this will get better, since she prefers to put them ahead of you.
Yep, I hear you. Three years
Yep, I hear you. Three years into my relationship and my DH still does nothing to stop the disrespectful behaviors at our house. My SD does not say hello, goodnight, goodbye, please, thank you, nothing. I got the whole your the adult speech from DH. You should be trying harder. Try to do things with SD that she likes to do blah, blah, blah. I have pulled way back from her. I'm not saying that's the answer, but I know how hard it is to be treated like you are being treated in your own home. Sorry I wish I could say I had the answer for you, but I'm in the same situation.
I'm the adult? DH, YOU'RE the
I'm the adult? DH, YOU'RE the parent! Do your damn job!
I rarely say this...
But your SO is not having your back. Its time to reevaluate this relationship to figure out if this is something you can tolerate further. I have and SDnow21, who at 15 was rude and disrespectful, as well as dirty. NOW, shes worse, so much worse. ANd on top of it lies and steals and is verbally and physically abusive.
So, as bad as things seem now, they have potential to get worse and do you want to bestow your precious time and resources to ungrateful, rude and disrespectful brats?
It is disrespectful and they
It is disrespectful and they are probably doing it in purpose to be rude.
YSD only says good night when she is in a good mood. When she doesn't it's very clear she is being rude on purpose because she a bug up her but about something and she has to take it out on me.
I personally could care less because I am so over the disrespectful behavior in general.
But sharing a home with kids who make it known to you that they don't respect you is no way to live.
DS says goodnight to my SO every night just out of being polite, because he was raised to be polite and respectful of adults.