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Not Invited to Graduation

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Thu, 05/20/2021 - 7:38pm

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So, I just found out my husband was planning on going to SD graduation out of state without me. I don't know what to feel. I had asked him about it a month or so ago and was told she could only have 3 attendees due to covid. I understand that but I thought we could go together then take her out to dinner or something afterward. I feel so disrespected but at the same time kind of numb like I just don't care. 

loveallmygirls's picture

Submitted by loveallmygirls on Thu, 05/20/2021 - 8:00pm

That would hurt me as well. It sounds like you are understanding that she can only have three people (is that including her? If not, that's an odd number... no pun intended), but upset that you couldn't go to the city she is graduating in and celebrate with her afterward and that is totally reasonable. Your DH has some explaining to do. 

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Thu, 05/20/2021 - 8:38pm

My understanding is that it's 3 guests, not including the graduate. I thought that was an odd number as well. Now I'm wondering if someone's not being completely honest.

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 11:24am

Its 4 my bet.

Call the school and ask . That way you will know.

Very hurtful of your DH not to let you come along even though you arent part of the "3" (yea right!) tickets. He may be hiding something.

Do you have a cordial relationship with BM SD ? Is BM a big problem on a good day? Could stem from her.

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 12:07pm

I've never met BM. She and SD have lived out of state since my husband and I met 6 years ago. SD was 13 when we met. We don't see her often because of the living situation but I thought SD and I had a cordial relationship. Not close but cordial and respectful.

caninelover's picture

Submitted by caninelover on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 2:09pm

This shows you where you rank, for better or worse.  At least now you know.

DH should have asked you to go with him, even if you couldn't go to the graduation.  You should tell him you feel very minimized by not even travelling with him.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 05/20/2021 - 9:45pm

Did you tell your husband you'd like to accompany him and you understand you won't be able to attend the ceremony itself and that's OK with you?   Do you think that SD doesn't want you there and/or DH is going to be celebrating with BM or other family and that's why he's not asking you?  Or is he concerned that you'd be uncomfortable if you were there but couldn't attend?

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 12:26pm

I did tell him about a month ago and he hadn't said anything else about it until yesterday. And that was after me asking about it. Now I'm stressing about his ex. Does she want to see him? Does he not want me there because of that? Is he hiding me for some reason? I my opinion it's not ok for your husband to hang out with an ex and their child without you being there. That's just so disrespectful to me.

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 1:40pm

Did you tell him again you'd like to go?  Has he told you you can't go?  He's probably not hiding you or wanting to meet up with his ex - more likely it's easier and more comfortable for HIM if you're not there.  But that's not how a partnership works.  He should have discussed this with you so you'd understand what he's doing and why he's doing it, and he would know if it was unacceptable to you.  A true partner doesn't just up and take a trip alone without discussing it with his spouse.  You need to let him know this is NOT OK with you.

LittleCloud9's picture

Submitted by LittleCloud9 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 3:51pm

Even if it had nothing to do with the ex YOUR HUSBAND SHOULD NOT LEAVE TOWN WITHOUT SAYING SOMETHING! This is not normal. At the very least it's not healthy Cray 2 I'm sorry you had to get hurt like that 

Seriously7's picture

Submitted by Seriously7 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 6:47pm

So I didn't call the school but I did look it up and it says there are 10 guest allowed. I asked my husband earlier if he was sure there were only 3 guests allowed and he got upset and said yes because of covid. So now I don't know if he's been given incorrect information or if he's lying to me. I just don't know what to think right now. I feel as though anything involving SD turns into this huge dramatic mess.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 1:11pm

That is an odd number of tickets, and I'd investigate that. But I'd be LIVID if my DH planned a trip out of town without so much as discussing it with me. That's not what partners do, and of course you're left with all kinds of questions.

What was he going to do, just get up one morning, tell you forgot he had this trip planned, then be gone?

Pretty sure if he insisted on going without me the locks would be changed by the time he came back.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 2:05pm

When SD22 Feral Forger graduated high school, I was not invited. So, I made my peace with it.
Husband on the other hand, wanted me there as his "support system", so he told FF that "she had better get a ticket for Clove or I will not be there...!"

The drama! His sister, who was invited, reliquished her ticket, which was refused. She didnt even make it!
She got a ticket and handed it to me "I standed in line a really long time to get this, I hope your happy".

I ended up shorting my hours to get there early, sitting on a hard bench in the hot sun for 3 freaking hours, didnt get a thank you at all, and she took off to go with her cousins after the requisit photo op and flower lei from dad that I had him buy. And the money grab, of course.

So, I would book something really freaking awesome for MYSELF, buy something really awesome for MYSELF, spend time with my girl squad or whatever. If you arent invited, f@ck them.

But on the other side, I would talk to the husband and find out what the deal is. If he wants me to go. Do you really want to be the graduation ticket police and call the school and research? If "someone" was lying about the ticket and number of people, then I would feel strange about insisting on my presence, especially since you do not have a relationship with SD. But its weird that your husband didnt tell you. Something to consider.

No wonder you are hurt! Im sorry you had to go through that. I know it didnt feel at all good when FF didnt have a ticket for me either.

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 3:28pm

I am sure he can get a ticket for you.  He not trying to get you there.  Schools knows about mult parent / child relationship 

They have to accumulate you

LittleCloud9's picture

Submitted by LittleCloud9 on Fri, 05/21/2021 - 3:46pm

I'd call the school and confirm. Not because I want an invitation but I want to know exactly whose pulling what. DH not communicating with you or acting thoughtlessly is a marital problem that you'll need to address. He should be really sorry about that one Sad If the school tells you anything other than 3 then you either have an honesty problem as well with DH or SD/BM are not as cordial as you thought. Either way it's good to know where you stand.