Unannounced Stepdaughter Visit
So, I found out last night that my husband was at the airport picking up my 18 year old stepdaughter. He had mentioned she was coming this past Sunday but didn't know when. He had to buy her a ticket. He said she wanted to come this week. That was the last I heard. He had not come home last night so I called him to see where he was and I was told he's at the airport. I had to ask if he was picking up SD. I was livid. I feel so disrespected. I told him he'a two different people. He's a sweet hubby when SD's not around and an a horrible hubby when she is. He said he doesn't tell me because I don't want to spend time with them anyway and I get upset and cry. This has been an ongoing thing for years now. I question our marriage and his love for me. I feel like 85 to 90% of the time he's a good hubby but the 10 to 15% SD os wother here or on her way he's horrible. I don't know how to fix it. I feel like I've told him how I feel and he still does the same thing. Is this a good reason to leave? I just don't know what to do.
I don't like my SK but if my
I don't like my SK but if my SO disappeared to the airport to pick her up without telling me - I would be livid. I would probably change the locks before he returned LOL.
I assume SD is not staying with you. Still, the secrecy would be unacceptable to me. I couldn't trust a man like this.
She stayed at our place last
She stayed at our place last night. She's staying with us or my sister in law. I don't know. My husband has no information. I think it's basically she'll stay where she wants to and I don't have a say. I've been reading through my posts from the last time she came and it's making me seriously question this marriage. I love my husband so much but I feel so disrespected. I feel as though I'm not his wife when SD's around and I'm not ok with that but I'm afraid I'll regret leaving.
Oh Hell No.
I would pack and go to a motel or friends. And not tell him except to to text let me know when SD is gone and then we can talk.
What a jerkhole.
I actually thought about
I actually thought about doing that (getting a motel) but then a part of me kicks in and says, oh heck no I'm not paying money to leave MY house so my SD can stay there.
then google free or low cost
then google free or low cost events in your area and get out and have a blast while he sits home w/ his precious
Keeping secrets to avoid
Keeping secrets to avoid upsetting you is just stupid. Now you're upset about the lie AND about the visit, and you're questioning your entire marriage. Brilliant job on his part.
Had you known about the visit you could have made plans to be gone or steeled yourself to the inevitable. You're right to be livid about it.
He lied to you, plain and simple, because he's a selfish coward.
Making the plans (aka buying
Making the plans (aka buying the ticket), not telling me she was coming, and was going to the airport to pick her up. I'd be ballistic! At the very least I'd like to clear off the items I've dumped on the spare room bed. Did he plan to surprise you when they walked in the door together?
It might be nice to know how long she is staying? A few days? Weeks? Moving here?
It is a recurring thing with
It is a recurring thing with him. When she's here I want out. I don't know who he is but he's not my loving husband. I want our marriage to work but I can't force him to see things my way. I can't change what he does. And, with her now being a legal adult, I'm afraid it will get worse. I don't deserve to play second fiddle every time SD decides she wants to see my husband.
I'd have played all surprised
I'd have played all surprised as they walked in the door and asked where she was going to stay because your mother was coming tomorrow. What? Don't you remember me telling you about that last week,DH? Or do you expect me to cancel her trip?
An unexpected guest would make me so mad.
That's not something you do to people. Personally, if I know guests are coming I like to nest and deep-clean so that they're as comfy in my home as possible. That requires prep-time. It's super unfair to spring a houseguest on someone.
I don't know if it's grounds to leave, but it sounds like it's happening quite a bit, so if he's not getting the message that it isn't okay at this point, I can understand why you'd be questioning things.
And if he treats you differently around her, that sounds like a huge problem, and one that you don't deserve to have to put up with.
Quit telling him how you feel.
Start telling him what he will do. Ummm, no guests without a minimum of 2wks prior notice with specifics. If it is SD, he cleans the guest room, etc.... He will control her or you will and neither of them will like it if he forces your hand.