Hello everyone ! 
I have been an avid reader of this site for over a year now, but I have never posted or commented. I have read many blogs of long time users, from start to finish and boy have I enjoy it. In some way I feel I know you all. I have cried and laughed with your stories, I have find confort in moments of despair, I have found (through other people's stories) great advice and I have felt less alone in this journey. After one year of getting all of this from this site as a completely invisible member, I started to feel "I wish these people knew me as well", "I wish that, in time, I can be part of such great community of people".

I must admit I'm extremely nervous lol. I have never participated in any sort of blog/online community before, I don't have any type of social media, etc. I'm not shy or antisocial but writing about myself to a group of strangers (even though you don't feel strangers to me) feels so intimidating. But anyways! I'm feeling brave today so here it goes...

Some background on my story. I have one SS6. I have one BS7 and, together with my DH we have one BD1. We have been together for 4 years, married 1 year. Overall our experiencie hasn't been too bad, but we have had some moments that have been challenging and hurtful. I think the main thing for me has been the total reality check that step life turned out to be. Oh.my.god! I honestly don't know why I thought (more accurately- did not give it much tought at all!) that being a stepmom was going to be like similar to being a mom! I came into step life full of optimism and with no apherensions whatsoever! I thought loving my SS was going to come naturally, as I love children and I'm (not to blow my own trumpet) a good mom hehehe. Reality was so much complicated !! Since day one I cared about my SS, and even loved him, but it wasn't the same love I feel for my bios so I started feeling that there was something deeply wrong with me !! On top of that uneasy feeling, my SS can be a bit naughty sometimes (doesn't listen) or have a bit of an attitude (complains, moans, whining) and that started irritating me very quickly. My BS is a very well behaved boy (my husband 100% agrees with this and says so himself) so the contrast of the family dynamic when my SS is here is so big! (My SS stays with us EOW). Apart from having to tell him off (which is done mainly by my husband and I just back him up) I started to resent the attention redirected solely to him. We needed to be constantly on top of him, so everything was about him. I have to admit (and I feel horrible for this) that I started resenting him. Like I didn't want to give him my attention anymore. In that moment I started lurking in this site, reading a lot in here, taking in many of your wise words ...finally, I decided that I needed to change my attitude. Yes, my SS is a bit naughty, is a bit needy/attention seeking, a bit immature sometimes (very babied at his moms so things that my BS has been doing for years still needs to be done for him) and sometimes a bit with not a great attitude -BUT he is such a sweet boy, he loves me and treats me with respect and love, and he wants to do well! He genuinely tries to change and behave better. My husband, for the most part, listens to me and respect my views and feelings, we parent all our children the same and by working as a team. So obviously I need to focus on the bigger picture and on the positives.
Yet sometimes I still struggle and sometimes my husband struggles as well. I think our main struggle is when SS misbehaves. But sometimes there are other issues in the background: my husband (when is too much of SS misbehaving and me pointing negatives out) can become defensive sometimes, I can become unfair (although I have improved in this area I did have a tendency to focus on the negative) and we both sometimes struggle with the blended situation (I have felt ocassionaly in the past that my husband is happier/more involved when SS is here and he has felt in the same about me with my son, we are both working on that). So overall the situation is not terrible but we have our challenges, which I'm hoping to be able to share with you :)  
Well you will get a bettter picture once I start filling my blog (which I'm committed to do!) (exciting!)

Thank you for listening 

Love for you all !