Am i the problem?
Found this site a few hours ago and been reading through a few posts.
i have been with my partner 6 years now and still love her more than anything. I can't seem to build a relationship with my two SS's and my SD due to jealousy and just loaing my temper all the time. I hate myself for it but i don't know what to do. We don't live together and over the last 2 years my time going round has lessened because of how i feel.
i really don't know what to do. I hate feeling thia way, i have no patients with the kids at all. I know it's not their fault and i am the 'outsider' in the family unit, but thats exactly it, i feel like an outsider, i get really jealous of bot having any time at all with my partner. Its caused alot of issues in our relationship, down to the point that we are no longer 'physical' because i am always in a bad mood after spending time with the kids. Its not fair on anyone. We nearly split up last week. Then went round one evening after the kids went to bed, my partner and i had a really good night and felt close again.
stayed again last night, got woken up by the kids early and that was me annoyed for the day, so just left to fo and do stuff.
am i really that much of a bad person? I cant stop blaiming myself....
sorry about the rant.
Totally understandable. Date
Totally understandable. Date someone without kids.
You're not a bad person, but
You're not a bad person, but you shouldn't date someone with kids, either. Like you said, it's not fair to them that you can't figure out how to like them. That leaves your only option as leaving (or intensive therapy to work through whatever issues you think you may have).
Without observing their
Without observing their behavior and yours, nobody on here will be able to give you a true answer. You haven't described their behavior, her parenting, any involvement of the father(s).
But - seriously. What single guy (i'm assuming) without kids of his own would be enthused about taking on 3 stepkids? Even the most well-behaved, best parented, boundary-having kids would cramp the style of a new couple. Unless this is the case, and you just really love children and want to be around kids, any kids, as much as possible, of course you would be aggravated. It sounds like she has them full-time.
Honestly - stop hating yourself amd break up with her. After 6 years, you are slowly distancing yourself. It's not geting better. In the future, either date someone without kids, or maybe with grown kids or even just one kid if they are well-parented and have a pretty stress-free custody situation.
You aren't a bad person. But
You aren't a bad person. But shouldn't force something that just isn't right for you. You should be kind to both your girlfriend and her kids and end the relationship.
You're just not cut out for
You're just not cut out for step life. It's ok. Let her go. Find a woman without kids.
And honestly, who is cut out
And honestly, who is cut out for a lot of step situations? Who wants a controlling, needy baby mama trying to run their man's life? Poorly behaved kids who are then defended by their guilty parents? In-laws who prefer BM? Hemorrhaging cash from the household budget to pay for BM's Lexus while the kids are still at your house? Or whatever the stepdad equivalent is (being asked to financially support kids but then have no say in how they behave maybe)? Nobody's cut out for that! We don'f know what this OP deals with but if it's anything like this, who would find this situation appealing?
Are you the problem?
You are not the breeder in your relationship. Nope, you are not the problem, did not create the problems, and do not fail to parent the problems effectively.
At least on the surface that is my opinion.
If your mate made you and the relationship her priority, and you did the same, above all else including the Skids, you would not be feeling like an outsider. If the relationship is healthy and durable the relationship takes priority over all else. Kids are the top relationship responsibility.