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DH to Move Out

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 1:34am

Those of you who have read my blogs & forum posts know my DH is a bit of a piece of work. Without detailing (=exhausted & it's after 11:00pm), after an escalation and DH seeking counsel of some true-blue Friends in the best sense of the word, he is going to find a place to move to & "take a break" because it's best for me. 

These friends, some of the few people on the planet DH respects (I do too, dear friends), told DH he needs to move out and give me a break.

THANK GOD HE UNDERSTOOD & AGREED! I'd been too afraid to mention it (although the stress of living wirh Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde has been compromising my health and focus at work). I've thrown up and had "intestinal" issues (sorry TMI) for days just being totally f*cking stressed OUT from being critisized, ghosted for days, love-bombed, yelled at/sworn at, etc. It has not been good.

Please send me any positive juju and, for those so inclined, please keep me in your prayers. This is so hard and I am scared DH will find a way to get ugly... he already within 24 hours of saying he'll find a place he's complaining how much it will suck. How I'll just be so relieved & at peace after he's gone I'll never want him back. 

Awesome StepTalk Peeps, I am so grateful for you & to Dawn for running this site. Otherwise I would be so confused & alone. Thank you all for being here.

 

Comments

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Submitted by Wicked stepmo. on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 3:24am

Take a deep breath and stay focused. DH will try to push back in order to not leave. Stand strong, once you have the much needed space away from him your anxiety will start to disappear. 

If you have gotten this far, you know and have decided this is what's best for you. Don't be manipulated into changing your mind. 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Thu, 07/22/2021 - 7:44am

The angry "I'm the one who has to experience all the hardship" started already. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 7:36am

Oh StepU, I'm sorry he's already being an arse about it. My XH did the same - I told him I wanted a divorce, he immediately started looking for places, and then started complaining about how much it would cost, etc. You have to ignore the complaining and gray rock as much as possible.

I'm glad you have friends who know what is going on. Keep them informed because they are likely worried about you. Also, if he gets violent or refuses to leave, don't hesitate to call the cops. Do what needs to be done to keep you safe.

Remember, him moving out is happening for a reason. Don't forget what that reason is.

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 7:55am

Just stay strong and don't back down right now. 

You both need to see how this temporary separation feels. 

I wish you the best and really hope that some peace in your home will let your body and mind get healthy again! 

Esperanza's picture

Submitted by Esperanza on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 8:46am

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You don't deserve this stress and hurt.

Hoping the best for you. 

Hope you get the time you need to gain clarity of mind and do was best for you

good luck !!

notsofast's picture

Submitted by notsofast on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 8:50am

Sending you positives and energy to get through.  Best to you.  Stay strong in what is right for you.  He gets to worry about himself, for a change.  I have had that marriage before this one and it is draining.  It takes so much from us that we start having physical symtoms, I have been there.  Take care of you.  Focus on your needs, your health & mental/physical safety.

You can do this.  Future you thanks you.

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 9:12am

I don't even remember all the turmoil surrounding my ex's departure from our house. But I DO remember that first deep breath after he left.

Sending happy juju your way.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 10:12am

The day I left my emotionality abusive ex was a weight lifted off my shoulders.

You will be so much better sooner than you think. Glad to hear he is out.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 10:37am

Prayers and {{{{{HUGS}}}}}.

Stress can do horrible things to your body. I suffered from "emotional diarrhea" for over 6 months. TMI, I know and I'm sorry. But you need this break to help get your mental AND physical health back on track. *give_rose*

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 11:13am

He needs more time.  Maybe he can move back to the ex house and share a room with SS 

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 9:11pm

Harry you are hilarious. Thanks for the laugh.

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 11:19am

Your way!  Take care of yourself... maybe some meditation or deep breathing exercises.   I know I have had a hard time doing self care when Chef is around.  Reducing stress of H gaslighting will do wonders. 

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 12:08pm

(((HUGS))))

I am glad you will have this time without dh.

Surprised people have offered to take him in. Isn't it something, how people really do not know who they think they know?

Anyway, enjoy the peace, you deserve it.

(((HUGS)))) again.

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Thu, 07/22/2021 - 7:49am

... offer to take DH in, and live over an hour away. The mutual friend they suggested said no, so DH is flailing on about how he can't afford what's available, etc.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 07/22/2021 - 8:44am

How about you give him a farewell gift of a small tent and a sleeping bag. Then your conscience would be at ease and you'd be better equipped to face his whining. Not your problem he can't afford the place he thinks he deserves. 

queensway's picture

Submitted by queensway on Wed, 07/21/2021 - 2:57pm

Wishing you all the good things life has to offer. And everything you want to happen. I'm so sorry you have been having a hard time. Sounds like you have been dealing with physical and emotional exhaustion. Time for you to take care of you!  HUGS