I completely agree with you, that is a pretty derogatory way to refer to your own children. I see no reason why you can't call him out on it. Just do it without mentioning SD. Tell him how it makes you feel when he talks about his children that way and remind him that when they are older they will understand what he is saying. No need to bring up SD or how much he spends on her as that will only make him defensive.

I see how this can be hurtful. I can also see how he doesn't see it that way.

I love giving gifts. I love being able to buy gifts for people. I am proud of the fact that DH and I have been able to give my SSs stability, trips, opportunities, and other expensive things they enjoy. I feel the same when I can do something awesome for a friend or family member, too.

However, that doesn't mean that mundane, daily expenses for my SSs doesn't feel like a money pit, or a money suck. I hated that we had to buy school uniforms because it meant a separate wardrobe from their daily clothes. The amount of milk I've purchased over the years is obscene. School fundraisers for chocolate bars that got thrown away? School supplies that they were required to have but never used? Absolute money pits! And that's before I even touch on CS and other expenses spent because of ET's shenanigans that gained absolutelt nothing long-term for the boys.

I'll grant that I'm not a bioparent (working on that, you have my sympathy because fertility treatment and the whole process is a b*tch) and likely would feel differently at my BK being called a "money pit". But I can see where some aspects of parenting, in regards to finances, bring a lot of pride and others do feel like a money pit. And those "money pit" feelings were a lot stronger were the boys were younger because they grew out of things so quickly, had fundraisers for every freaking thing at the school, etc.

As the previous poster said, I think you can talk to your DH about this. Start with telling him how it makes you feel and asking why he says it. It's quite possible that it's his way of dealing with feeling the financial burnout of parenthood. I do think you can gently massage how he talks about SD into this.

"DH, I feel upset when you call our kids "money pits". I know they are expensive, but we knew they would be going into this, especially since you have gone through this already with SD. I don't want the kids to think that they're problems for us. Why do you feel like this now with the younger two when we'd already been through this before with SD?"

Hopefully he has a good answer to the question and is more mindful of when/how he uses the term. I don't think he should vilified for using the term, but he certainly needs to not say it around the kids (or call them that to their faces) and needs to recognize that ALL his children suck up his resources, not just the younger ones.

"Money pits? Of course, dear, especially yours ..."

as to NOT mention SD and all the money that was flushed on her.  

"All kids are money pits dear,  especially the ones from previous relationships!"

I'd say "You think OUR kids are a money pit now? Keep complaining and see how much you'll be spending in CS for them TOO."

What a jerk. Sounds like the classic putting his child on a pedestal. I'm sure she is always the exception to everything.  

Humans as a whole are money pits, he's his own damn money pit!