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Excluded from family gatherings because adult step kids mom is there

Dkj1970's picture

Submitted by Dkj1970 on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 3:41pm

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Blended Family Issues

My husband recently retired and the ranch home now belongs to his son. I am his new wife of 9 years. This has turned into everyone going to the ranch for parties, family reunions, and my husband going there to work. Problem for me is I am not allowed on the property because I upset the ex wife / their mother. She continues to believe I broke up there marriage, which is untrue. She has separated and filed for divorce two years before my husband and I got together. So Mom is cooking for the family. My husband is there working, eating her food and having family dinners. Meanwhile I'm alone at home. 
I know I can't keep him from his kids and don't want to. But I do feel like she is the "wife" there and I'm the other wife at my house. I feel cast away unless his family isn't around. Then we are as happy as we've ever been. He says I'm paranoid and need to get over it. But I don't seem to be able to stop feeling rejected. Am I overreacting?

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 4:23pm

Why is your husband working at his son's ranch?

Spending time with the exwife like this would bother me too. How often does this happen?

 

Dkj1970's picture

Submitted by Dkj1970 on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 4:57pm

It's his family hone and he loves it there. Keeps him going and makes him happy!

Merry's picture

Submitted by Merry on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 5:31pm

Well, if it's his family home (that now belongs to the son), why is the exwife there? He needs to tell his son that he won't be there if the ex is there. If the ex shows up, he leaves.

Or, he can go to the ranch, pack a sandwich for when he gets hungry, and go back home to you when he done with the day there. He's choosing to participate in this family game and it's completely disrespectful to you.

PetSpoiler's picture

Submitted by PetSpoiler on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 5:13pm

What is wrong with him?  In what universe is it ok to be playing happy family with the ex?  You have a husband problem.  

SteppedOut's picture

Submitted by SteppedOut on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 5:19pm

If he is retired, why is he working the ranch? So he "retired", kid gets the house, but he still goes to work there? And now you are excluded? 

Yea, no. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Thu, 07/29/2021 - 6:01pm

This whole situation is just wrong. He is wanting to have two families. One with his kids and ex at the "ranch" (whatever the hell he is doing there), and the other with you. 

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Fri, 07/30/2021 - 12:29am

This is so wrong - this would be my hill to die on - do not tolerate this gross disloyalty to you by your husband.  It may make him happy but it sure as hell makes you very unhappy.  If all he wants to do is play happy families with his ex then why did he leave her and marry you?  My DH would never attend anything from which I was specifically excluded.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Fri, 07/30/2021 - 1:00am

Then out of the blue after me and hubby were married 3.5 yrs and had 2 kids already decided they wanted to reconnect, eldest sd who was 21 and exwife had eldest sd tell my husband if he wanted to see them that he come with their brother to their mum and her affair husband's home (the one she was whoring around with whilst married to me husband and hadn't even separated yet) 

my husband was incredibly uncomfortable with that and stood his ground with balls of steel. Exwife using the sd's just wasn't gonna work!!

There is too much enmeshment here with the exwife.. not at all healthy and no appropriate boundaries 

Stepdrama2020's picture

Submitted by Stepdrama2020 on Fri, 07/30/2021 - 11:44am

Hun, do not let your DH ever make you think for a moment that you are over reacting. Youre not. He is downplaying . Follow your gut. Bets on when he goes there its like he is married to BM and has an intact family. You dont even exist, you know that wifey of 9 yrs. I am pissed off for you. How nice big daddio has two seperate families.

So he leaves you alone while he helps out his failed family.  NFW Guess its time for you to start cooking for your ex. Id make that ex some ruggid cowboy too. He can help you around the house.

Seriously NO. You deserve better.

Blessings

 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 07/30/2021 - 2:11pm

Time to inform DH that he no longer works at the Ranch and he no longer has happy family time with his X and their failed family spawn while you keep the home fires burning.  Just no. He is  YOUR husband and he needs to be at your side and not bowing at the feet of his X, etc.....

If he balks at this, take the rest of his shit and get on with  your life while he continues to be the beck and call boy for his XW and their failed family breeding experiments.

And... why does his son own HIS family home?

WTF is that crap?

smh.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Fri, 07/30/2021 - 4:13pm

Overreacting? Absolutely not. You need to get over it?

Oh, I would get over it, alright. On a singles cruise.

I draw the line at my husband still acting married to his ex. It's insulting and degrading, what he's doing to you. Then, on top of it, he's gaslighting you.

This is definitely a case of having ones cake and eating it, too.