New Schedule?
BM moved away (about 30 minutes) this past year. She can't be bothered tro take SD11 to and from school during her weeks. We have 50/50 and switch on Fridays. BM called DH last night to say it doesn't work with her work schedule. She obviously did not think about this in advance when she moved in the first place. So she was thinking instead...
DH could get SD11 Monday afternoons (she rides the bus) through Friday morning, SD would ride the bus to school, and BM would pick her up from there... And since she would be here during the week, BM would just get SD11 every weekend.
At first I rolled my eyes. Here we go, DH agreeing to whatever works for BM. But then I started thinking... I basically don't see SD during the week anyway. I leave for work before she even wakes up in the morning to catch the bus. I get home at about 3:30 and she gets home around 4:00 or so. She disappears into her room after school or skateboards around the neighborhood. So all I would have to endure is dinner.
And gone every weekend? No more arguing if our bio son will be included or not. No more negativity about being "bored" every weekend. No more complaining 24/7 when I have the weekends off all the time! I'm thinking this is actually sounding great...
I already know DH will not get this in writing. And even though we have her a little bit more, he won't file for child support. Neither party pays each other anything now. My only worry is that Friday will roll around and BM won't pick her up from school, or it will be later in the evening...
Thoughts?
Unfortunately, I do have a
Unfortunately, I do have a feeling that BM will find it inconvenient to have her child every weekend.. so that may not carry on.. and will your dH go for any support if it turns out that you end up having her even more than teh 4 of the 7 days of the week?
I would also be on alert for SD wanting to stay at dad's every time you plan something 'fun" on a weekend.. and her dad will want her there so she wont' miss out.
It sounds good in theory, but
It sounds good in theory, but I agree with ESMOD. The likelihood that this would work out long term seems unrealistic.
It just might work if you
It just might work if you make it clearly conditional. She takes the child every weekend or your dh will go after her for child support.
This is a good idea, you're
This is a good idea, you're allowed to make informal agreements like this. Obviously it's not enforceable but you can put the condition in place that you guys will follow this schedule but if it changes from what is agreed your DH will have to file for support.
Other than that keep quiet and enjoy the weekends!
This. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING
This. And DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. OP, your DH needs to get, in writing, every weekend BM gives up. He needs to keep a calendar of every day he keeps SD. I'm with ESMOD, the every weekend thing won't last, so your DH needs to be prepared to make formal changes and ask for CS from her.
Keep track of every overnight
Keep track of every overnight and perhaps even noting partial days... it will be so much easier to present to the courts that you are not asking for a change in custody schedule.. just making it official and having CS set accordingly.
I'm taking notes for sure!
I'm taking notes for sure!
We are a few days in and it's already a sh!tshow. SD11 "forgot" her medicine at BMs. (many posts on here about SD refusing to take her meds). BM wanted DH to meet her at her workplace last evening to give him the meds. DH said no. BM dropped off the meds this morning. SD was beggingggggg BM to take her to school. Of course she is late. DH overhears SD11 on the phone with BM. BM is asking why can I (!!!) take her to school. 1. Um, how does she know I'm not working and still on maternity leave? 2. It's not here business 3. What happened to "I'm the mom, you need to stay in your lane." I guess I can "over-step" in her lane... if it's going to carpool. Lol.
I've come to realize that BM is not just incompetent... we already knew that. But she is dying to stay relevant to DH after we had our baby. Why is she asking him to meet her at her workplace? Why does she not just drop them off at the school's front office?
This is just the one instance this week. Last week she called DH asking "what should I say" to the teacher at open house. There was a problem with dropping a course FYI. Literally ANY excuse to talk to DH and gain some of his attention. It's laughable.
I NEVER say anything, but last night I went off on DH. I told him I can't wait for BM to be gone and not have to deal with her BS anymore. The day can't come soon enough. I'm sure even once SD gets a job, decides to go to college, or gets a roommate etc. BM will WILL find an excuse to keep in contact. Her dire need for attention is pitiful.
My BM is the same as far as
My BM is the same as far as being happy for me to do all the behind the scenes organising for the skids (as she's useless) but I have to stay in my lane when it comes to anything where people might see me. I respect that for parent/teacher interviews but that's about it. I have always gone to school things (plays, fairs etc), liaised with their school friends parents etc. I don't care that it makes her uncomfortable. She told me she's old school and finds it embarrassing to be from a split home - really, you were never even married to DH which is hardly old school, your parents are divorced and half your siblings are divorced also. It's about control for BM, always has been and always will be. She can't stand the fact that she can't control my role and how I interact with the skids.
Get it COd. If BM does not
Get it COd. If BM does not pick up make sure the Skid gets a key to BM's house and DH can drop the Skid off at BMs. He can text BM as he dives away after SD lets herself in.