Therapy
I am needing a second opinion. The last time non-involved BM messaged DH, she stated that she wanted to go to therapy with SD. Personally, I feel that if anything, SD should go to therapy ALONE for a few sessions or (if she wishes), always goes alone and not with BM present. I think that BM should go to therapy on her own as well. I know quite a few other parents that have told me their child went to therapy alone for a few sessions, and then later on the other family members were brought in and it was sort of a group setting. I told SD that is something we could look into, her going alone for a little while and then maybe having a few with me or DH or both (just to have a third party available). I feel that if SD wants to have therapy with BM that should be HER choice and not BM's (her exact words were that "WE" need to go to therapy together, not SHE needs therapy, which shows a little bit that it is more for her benefit than the child's. DH responded with "What about what she needs?" and BM replied "WE need this." So I really do not feel it is for SD, it is all for BM. I feel like she wants to go to the sessions and put on a big show, crying crocodile tears and making SD feel guilty and guilt-tripping her into wanting to spend time with her, not actually going to listen to SD and heal together. I think it will all be an act.
BM has been to therapy sessions before while she was in rehab and sober living, but I found out about her never being consistent with her story-telling. A girl that I went to high school with was at one of the rehab centers with BM and said that there were always holes in her stories. She even admitted to the girl a few times after the sessions that she "embellished" and "over-exaggerated" her stories because she liked the attention she got afterwards.So my trust that she would go into therapy sessions with SD and be completely honest is at a solid zero. I worry that everything out of her mouth would be a total lie and she would make up things about DH and me, just to try to get her "on her side."
I think that, when the
I think that, when the therapist finds out that BM lost custody and refused supervised visitation, they won't do therapy with her AND SD.
That honestly makes me feel
That honestly makes me feel better! I was really hoping if we had legal documentation that it would help.
Your BM has no custody. Send
Your BM has no custody. Send SD to therapy if you think she needs it. I would - BM is playing games with this kids head.
If BM wants therapy she can petition the courts for supervised visitation & reunion therapy & she can pay for it. I'm thinking your DH needs to reign this woman in, she is off the rails & filling SDs head with non-sense. No court will hand her back custody - she'll be lucky if she gets supervised visitation. DH should be severely limiting contact.
Absolutely agree. On top of
Absolutely agree. On top of limiting contact between bm and sd, I think it's high time he cut off contact with bm's sister too. She has no right to interfere and needs putting in her place. NOW.
There is actually no contact
There is actually no contact between BM and SD, strangely enough - she actually communicates with her through her sister. DH has one off on BM's sister so many times over the years. It's absolutely ridiculous. For nearly our entire relationship, the sister despised BM. But then after she gave birth to her child, she had a total change of heart and now they are best friends and she is her biggest supporter. It burns me up, because for years and years she did nothing but slander her name and BM stole from her sister numerous times she even kicked her out for drug use, and now she acts as if nothing ever happened between them. I also know that my SS has gone off on BM's sister quite a few times as well, even to the point where she refused to speak to him for months. She has tried to guilt-trip and gas-light him as well, but he is nearly 21 and sees right through her bull.
I am really hoping the whole
I am really hoping the whole "losing custody and visitation" part would have a HUGE factor in all this. I have been calling around and trying to find appropriate therapy for SD. I know that she is being gas-lit and guilt-tripped and I really hate that.
I am thinking supervised visitation will be the best she could ever get, but she told DH there are a lot of "hoops to jump through" and paperwork and I'm not 100% she's really willing to put in all that work and spend all that money. We have limited contact with BM. She doesn't even communicate directly with SD - she will tell her sister what she wants to say. She doesn't want there to be a "paper trail" and figures if she speaks through someone else, she can't get in trouble for it.
So cut the sister off
So cut the sister off completely - she's just fanning the flames.
Do you really think bm would manage to get all of the paperwork done for supervised visitation before her next stint in jail?
If BM doesn't care enough to
If BM doesn't care enough to do the paperwork to see her own daughter in supervised visitation that really tells you how much she wants this. Insist she petition the court for reunification therapy if she wants something. Don't open the door for her. If she wants this she needs to put in the effort and go through the proper documented channels, otherwise it's nothing more than her whining and manipulating people into doing what she wants. Her sister needs to stop enabling her. A young girl like your SD, even with a therapists help, will not be a match for someone with that level of manipulation experience and skill. BM will overwhelm her in no time. This would be a hill for me to die on