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help!!

momof1boy's picture

i've been having issues since i've entered SD7's life. BM started off bitter bc things didn't work out, so it took awhile before she started to adjust. everything was a problem. I couldn't be around SD, couldn't post pics, couldn't comb her hair, couldn't do anything. well the even bigger problem is that my husband's mom (the grandma), thinks she SD's mom. she has been weirdly obsessed with SD since her mom has had her. fast forward, years later, me & BM are fine, coparent well etc. any decisions that are needing to be made on my husband's behalf, are made b/t himself & his mom. i'm never included on ANY decisions, whatsoever. it's always been a problem, & i've complained before, but i'm fed up now. husband's mom has a control issue, she wants to make ALL decisions for my husband. it's almost like she's in a relationship WITH HIM. it's disgusting. she's obsessed with him too .. has been hating me since day 1. i've had so many issues with SD, as far as disrespect. never follows any rules, if I discipline her I get things like "well you're not my mom" or i'm jst ignored while she's staring in my face. the gma has her on pedestal to where she thinks she's the only person in the world that matters. she's an entitled brat & is most def headed for self destruction. I got married a few mos ago & im ready to call it quits. before getting married I decided to leave my husband (& should have stayed gone, i'm an idiot I know), bc I couldn't deal with SD anymore. couldn't stand to be around her at all. he cried begged pleaded things would get better. finally he started to discipline her, started speaking up. well fast fwd to august. the initial custody was 2 2 3.. in august when school started, BM moved to our subdivision - which means SD starting going to the same school as my son.. & THEY (my husband, BM & grandma) agreed that they'd change days to BM has her M-T & he has her EVERY weekend. well, she rides the bus to GRANDMA's house, my husband goes & get her everyday after school until 6pm .. & then we have her every weekend. which means, mom has her M-T for abt 3 hrs a day. & he's paying $1k in child support. I was never involved in any discussions, nothing. so i don't think it's fair, they we have her every weekend & everyday after school & the mom only takes her to school bathe her after school & puts her to bed. so fast fwd to the night before xmas eve. my son had writing all over his toys (which were formed words) he's 3, & also stated "this is SD's name). I sent him a pic.. & asked if it was discussed with her that it's not ok to write on any of my son's toys. he proceeds to curse @ me & flip his shit, stating both of the kids wrote on the toys & not jst his child. so not only am I not being included on decisions in OUR home .. I also can't speak my mind on anything either. & this isn't the first time !!! i can never say anything abt anything. I am 110% ready to divorce him & walk away. I am living a nightmare & things won't ever get better. grandma makes all the decisions, BM is living a scotch free life, & im suffering. I don't think it's fair that SD gets catered to by her mom, mom's family, grandma, & me & my husband & my child only has me & my husband. favoritism is a HUGE problem as well. not gonna get into that. am I overreacting or what? can somebody please help me Sad

tog redux's picture

Your husband is a Mama's Boy who can't stand up to his mother, his ex or his daughter. You are expected to parent his child but have no real authority, and he makes plans with his mother and ex without consulting you. Unless your son is his as well, I can't imagine what keeps you there. And that may not be enough either. 

momof1boy's picture

We do share a son together, & that's definitely a major part. The relationship is fine, he treats me like a queen. As long his mom or child is involved we have a great life. That makes me sound so cruel, but its the truth. Everytime she's there (which is very often now), there's tension between us.

Winterglow's picture

Like you said, you shouldn't have come back. Even if your son is also your husband's, don't you think life would be more pleasant for both of you if you had your own home and left your husband with his other wives? You don't even need to get divorced, just have your own place but DO file for child support.

momof1boy's picture

There's no possible way I'd live separate & stay married lol. But you are correct "his other wives" .. smh. You're right. Thanks!

CLove's picture

Get your financial and legal ducks in a row to see what the options are. He doesnt have your best interests in mind and if your son is shared with him, you will need to figure out a custody situation so that it is beneficial to you. Document everything and make sure that you can be supported financially. Because he currently pays 1k, the pie is now smaller, but thats one of the first things you need to address.

Im sorry you are going through this, but things and people do not change just because you get married. That changes nothing about the dynamics. And now you know his promises were empty. Ill bet he just did that to avoid losing your "services" ir cooking cleaning babysitting and all that, plus he knows that if you leave you will file for child support. Assuming your child is also his.

Good luck and get thee to a lawyer!

Rags's picture

Leave this failed man, failed father, failed husband, mamas boy who is his XWs bitch and their failed family progeny and get on with  your life.

NOW!

You can't fix any of this shit show.  Fix your own life and go live it.

Rags's picture

My DW has that same good judgement.  She knew early enough to avoid making the Spermidiot an official part of her life.  The one thing my ILs got right was not letting her marry him.  And by the time she was old enough to marry him, she was far mroe than smart enough to make him the write off that he is.

Take care of yourself.  I truly hope you can find some peace in your life.

Good luck.