Vacation with stepkids?
Forums:
Im talking to bio free folks mostly. And of course everyone else. What was your experience going on a vacation with stepchildren? Would you repeat it? What are the "rules" for a happy escapade in that situation? Im curious to know ya'll experience.
Run! Run far and fast and
Run! Run far and fast and have your own vacation! I think I mostly have a decent relationship ship with skids but when they don't have their own rooms to go to and no video games to play, there is no relief. Their constant need for entertainment turns to picking on each other. Hell. Every time. Our best vacation only has one one-hour tantrum. And for only 24 hours together at was still too much.
Especially for people who
Especially for people who have no kids. Its just so unfair.
Yes, I'd see that time as an
Yes, I'd see that time as an opportunity to have an adventure alone or with friends. For me, even when the trips are "not so bad", they're not relaxing and don't really feel like vacations. You can also decide to go and set boundaries around your time, like plan spa visits/hikes/rides on your own to just get to step away and decompress, but make your desires and preferences known to your partner and make sure they honor that time of separate vacations or time alone while joining him and his kids WITHOUT GUILTING YOU.
Preface this to say that I am
Preface this to say that I am bio free. Met my DH when his kids were 5 and 9 and they are now adults and we did vacation throughout the years with and without the kids.
I will say that fair is what you make of it really. If someone wants to do everything they want and not compromise or do anything anyone else would like.. then they should travel solo.. haha. When you travel with other people.. and especially children.. yes, it will change the experience. When they were with us, there were some things we didn't do.. or did differently than we would have without them with us. It might have meant sharing a room... so not much privacy.. though my DH tried to get those rooms with little bunkies for kids when they were really small. When they were older, most of the vacationing was in homes where there was a room for them separately.. so that was ok.
We might eat a little less fancy when we had 4 to feed vs just the two of us.. and nights were shorter and it was maybe drinks on the patio/balcony vs a bar when they were too young to be left alone.
Were the kids a pain sometimes? yes.. isn't almost everyone a pain on vacation at one time or another? We did have some fairly poor experiences with OSD when she was a teen and that was pretty much where her involvement in the vacations ended... if she preferred to stay behind.. that was her choice and her attitude made that choice for her.
The bottom line is that I do think that if you are in a relationship with someone who has chldren that you should expect to do vacations with them.. perhaps not EVERY trip but it should be expected that they would be considered part of your family if you consider their parent part of your family unit.. and if it is a family vacation.. they would go.
BUT.. adults go on trips without their bios all the time. My parents (not divorced).. took vacations without my brother and I several times a year. When we were younger, a family friend would stay with us and when older and we could stay alone.. we were checked on. So, certainly, if you have an adult venue in mind.. the kids do NOT have to go everywhere with you right??? But, I don't think you should expect that they NEVER go..
Vacations with kids are
Vacations with kids are miserable unless you have someone there like a grandparent or a.... Stepparent to pass them off to. If you are at all treated like a babysitter you will be one on the vacation too. If they are a Disney dad then a vacation cranks it up to 11.
Do not go. I've just read
Do not go. I've just read over your past posts and your SO just wants you there to be the cook, maid and babysitter. Just tell him you can't get the time off work so that "doesn't work for you" but assure him that you have absolutely no objections to him going on his own with his kids (just think of the peace and quiet!).
Yeah, no. I wont go anywhere.
Yeah, no. I wont go anywhere. Just curious if im the only one dreading to go.I wouldnt want to go even in a ideal situation tbh.
No way
We did one camping trip with Bratty, it was awful. The drama amplifies. Avoid at all costs.
I read your prior posts. The
I read your prior posts. The vacation question is moot. He is abusive. Please leave him.
I know. But it helps a great
I know. But it helps a great deal reading people's experiences on the matter. Its closure.
Awful, don't go! SD11 went to
Awful, don't go! SD11 went to the beach last year with her grandparents and then DH and I came for the last half of the week. She RUINED the entire families vacation. Beyond rude to her grandparents, refused to do what the "group" wanted to do, basically made everyone miserable and unable to enjoy themselves. It must be really bad, and not just me, when her own grandparents swore NEVER AGAIN.
Bio free full time SM with a
Bio free full time SM with a SS16 - even tho SS and I get along well, my requirements for a vacation is that wherever we stay have ample room for us to all have our own private space. Also another family or a friend needs to come so SS has someone to stay busy with. DH also has to plan some one on one time for us and some time with SS so I can be alone. And there must be really good wine, or vodka. Then I can tolerate the week.
I still have PTSD from our
I still have PTSD from our vacation two years ago with SDs. Temper tantrums, demands, constant complaining, fighting. I had a migraine every night and can't recall even an enjoyable moment.
I would never ever vacation with SDs again!!!
Even with well behaved kids it's not the same. This year I planned a vacation for DS and I with friends and Thier kids. So the kids can entertain each other while the adults relax.
Even if its not bad, its
Even if its not bad, its still pretty awful for someone who wants couple time. I dont know how ppl do it. They deserve nobel price.
Vacation
There should be another word for a trip with kids because it's not a vacation. Call it a trip or whatever but if you want relaxing adult time with your SO, this isnt it. Every issue you have with the SKs is magnified 1000x due to the enforced closeness.
I wouldn't even want to go on
I wouldn't even want to go on a vacation with your BF, much less him AND his daughter.
Why are you still (again) in this relationship? This SAME relationship that you left, once?
I left . It's just a topic I
I left . It's just a topic I started out of curiosty and closure, since I never wanted to go anywhere with the ex and daughter. I went once and was terrible.
Non breeding StepDad here.
Though my situation is far from the norm. I never had issue regarding vacationing with my SKid (SS-28). I raised him as my own from before he was 2yo so I am just dad. He is just my son.
I was always invited to my ex
I was always invited to my ex's family trips which entailed waking up at 7 am to listen to 3 screaming kids and a spend a "fun filled" action packed day of hideous kid friendly activites to which I audibly replied, "sounds horrible"
No I did not go and honestly would rather spend a week in jail.
PTSD
I read vacation with step kids and my stomach turned to knots. Bio free here and have ex DH and ex SD.
My experience DO NOT GO THERE, LIKE EVER.
OH MY - no, just no. I'm
OH MY - no, just no. I'm sure the kids all have nice memories of our vacations- I'm glad we did a few just so we can say we did-but vacationing with SD was an absolute shi* show. She was horrible! Only did it a few times-couple beach trips-couple camping ones. Couple times to many. All times I came back ready to leave the relationship. She was at her worst.
So it doesn't seem possible
So it doesn't seem possible to not have to take young skids with you on vacation from time to time. I've been on rare vacation with my adult skids and it was misery because their Disney dad does the same thing that Disney dads do with little skids-spoil and side with. Anytime you take skids of any age on vacation with you, you can be sure DM is going with you vis a vis constant interaction by cellphone. It's an intentional pain in the A. Avoid anytime possible.
Nope, Never Again
I've refused to take SD with us on vacation for years. We've done it twice, and both times were miserable. The first time, she was 7 and she cried/threw tantrums the entire time when she didn't get her way. We recently took her to DC for Memorial Day, now that she's older. NEVER AGAIN. She complained that she didn't like the hotel, she was bored sightseeing, and she embarrassed me multiple times by saying inappropriate things to strangers.
I told DH that this will never happen again. I'm not wasting vacation time from work and spending a ton of money to be angry and miserable.
Not easy
I've only ever taken holidays with my partner together with SS. She's never ever left him home and gone off with me. Which is something that I secretly am upset about. I've asked her if she's gone off with her ex before without her kid and she admitted yes. For a weekend. I garnered it was a romantic weekend. She's never done that with me in all the almost 2 years we've been together but we've been on a few trip together as a family unit. Cue the before 6am unsnoozable alarm and 7pm bedtimes whilst you're trying to relax during a holiday.... throw in the 'kid-friendly' activities so god forbid we try something that isnt suitable for a 6yo. Play air hockey with him and smack the puck too hard in excitement and you get a glare from mummy tiger who looks about to kill you while she curses you for 'picking on' a 6yo.
no. Run if you can. It can sometimes be fun and enjoyable together as a family but I've had a lot more relaxing and enjoyable holidays traveling around Europe on my own.
I really want a romantic getaway with my partner and me. Just us. Romance doesn't exist in our relationship at all and I'm hoping a holiday will ignite something. I wish.
Did it once before marriage
Did it once before marriage and it broke me. Heck to the no will I ever willingly involve spoiled brats on vacation, as their dad can't say no and because I refuse the punishing inclusion of a persistently meddling BM via texts, calls, FT, etc. Nope!
Hey
Hellow everyone, all the peeps in here who are amazing and inspirational.
I am back here to basically send the message to all the struggling bio free step parents or future ones.
If your lives are miserable beyond change and changes dont seem to happen and you keep hoping, meanwhile wasting precious time, get the f out. Really. I did it after 5 years in the same house and never looked back. My life is 100 times better, new job, new rel.
All that stuckness is just desperation bc you invested all that time and energy but if you arent happy, it's so not worth it.
Love you all, and goodluck! ❤️
Yay!
Congratulations on taking your life back! So glad you made it out the other side!
YAY!!!!!
There is life on the other side!
Glad you made it out, and thanks for the update.