HOLY CRAP- the judge actually listened!

Last week-ish we got a child support order from our attorney that basically goes back to the temp order from 5 years ago to current listing all the CS DH should have been paying this whole time and told us to work with BM for a settlement. The arrearages but DH 23K behind once I broke it all out on a spreadsheet. It was insane.

Our lawyer did what I asked and sent the judge and BM's attorney on a group email a request for how he arrived at the calculations. It all came out that BM never submitted her subpoenaed tax documents and the judge calculated her at $0. The order sent has been halted. BM's attorney has until next week to produce her tax returns going back to 2015. Once those come in everything will be re-worked and hopefully we will finally have real numbers and even catch BM in some serious perjury in the process.

Still no word on spring break and the only thing DH has said was that SS and BM still won't respond to him. My only response was "Are you surprised?". I am not going to encourage any plane tickets or phone calls or emails or anything. I will be his sounding board but I am not allowing myself to get sucked into this hole of stress. My only concern is our financials with whatever the real number is for CS arrearages. I am thinking we will be able to settle it all for like 5-7K at the end of the day. 1 year and 3 months until graduation! We can do this!

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That is awesome, I am so glad

That is awesome, I am so glad the judge pulled his head out and actually did something right for once. Now I'm curious to see how long it's going to take BM to "find" all those taxes. As for SS maybe once he's an adult and gets away from BM he can work on forming his own relationship with DH.

I would have your lawyer

I would have your lawyer contact hers. Tell him that you will stop the legal proceeding and settle for a one time cash payment of $5K. She won't have to provide documents.. won't risk being caught lying.. that it will be a final one time payment and your DH will pay X/month for the next 1 year and 3 months.

AT this point, her lawyer may agree to that to keep her stuff under the table.. but it has to be stipulated that this is IT.. no going back again. it would stop further legal fees for you too.

That is a really good idea. I

That is a really good idea. I will approach that with DH.
I have a feeling he will want her to turn the info over before he makes an offer, he is a stubborn man. However, this would just end it all and we can move on.

At this point.. he knows he

At this point.. he knows he owes something.. and that something currently is a pretty hefty sum. Add to that the uncertainty of reduction and offset application for things she supposedly owes him.

I might just see if it's possible to stop the legal fee bleed.. make one payment and be done with the history of it. I might even offer that he will allow his son to have the final decision on taking visitations (it's only so many at this point and in reality the kid does what he wants anyway).

I know BM wins.. but seriously.. she was going to win anyway.. so stop it all now if you can.

We were prepared for

We were prepared for something in the 6-8K range- -- 23K is insane!

We would have always paid what was ordered, it just sucks that nothing was ever ordered and now we have to go back 5 years because the judge never did his job. Every time we were in court, 2X a year, we would ask for this to be settled.

I would also wait

Until she turns in those documents so at the very least in case she tries to pull some tricks it has been entered into court as evidence that she has been making more than $0 the last five years. Finally the judge has a deadline for her to be honest and I would wait till that happens before trying to settle out of court and offering her anything

Thank God, this is really

Thank God, this is really great news. Finally, a Judge holding bm accountable.

This is such good news. I get

This is such good news. I get that settling would probably cost less in legal fees, but it would be super tempting to force BM to hand over all her info. And maybe get in trouble for all the lies. Either way, I hope it's resolved quickly.

I wonder if y'all have any recourse against the judge when it's all said and done. It's grossly negligent that he let it get to this point.

I wouldn't be too sure

she will get in trouble for her lies. She forged a medical document and got away scott free.

I do hope the judge proves us all wrong though!

My dream for you is that if

My dream for you is that if she fails to turn the taxes in again, the judge just says: fine, DH doesn't owe you another cent because you can't be a responsible person & do what's asked of you. You withhold visitation, you don't facilitate a relationship between child & father... Figure your shit out yourself. Close case. No more money to go to her EVER!

Now the sad part is that it will never happen... But wouldn't it be awesome? She's wasted the courts time & resources for years!