with advancement requirements?  If DD enlists and wants to make it a career she'll need at least a BA to advance to senior enlisted positions.  I do think some kids do better going into the service first.  Many career fields provide the equivalent of an associates degree thru initial service schools.   It will ultimately be your daughter's decision so best to have open, fact based discussions about both paths.  BTW will any of her injuries make her ineligible for the service. Might be worth asking.

I think all you can do is present the options that are reasonable for her and talk to her about the importance of keeping her options open.  If she's considering college vs. enlistment right after HS, talk to her about how taking the highest level of math, science, other HS courses she can handle can only benefit her if she enlists, but NOT taking a challenging HS load could limit her college choices if she decides to go that route.  Maybe talk to her about ROTC and the benefits of going into the armed forces as an officer, or at least leaving that option open. I wouldn't hammer too hard on this, but you could also remind her that she just had a serious accident and one never knows when something will happen that could foreclose an option, so it makes sense to keep them all open.  I had a friend whose mother told her she might want to follow a smart boyfriend to college so she needed to keep her grades up so she could get in!  I guess she figured whatever it takes . . . .

I would enlist the HS guidance counselor and let them know that she has paid-for college if she wants it, so it's important to you that she stay on a college prep track.  At our high school parents have to sign off on schedules; if yours is similar, you'll have at least some ability to make sure she's not signing up for classes that will not provide any challenge.

I would also, outside the discussion of her future plans, remind her of how smart and capable she is.  Confident kids are more likely to stretch themselves.

Hey, I also have a DH that is retired army and disabled! Because of his benefits, SD has any four-year, in-state, public college already paid for! It's an amazing opportunity that neither of us think SD will take. DH has sacraficed so much so SD can have opportunities like this. I think its upsetting to him that she could possibly not take it. Not because he doesn't think she will be successful... but he gave a lot to have this kind of opportunity for his children.... not to have it "go to waste". 

BM is encouraging her to also skip college and just enlist... maybe army or reserves. Both SD and BM have a "figure it out later" kind of mindset. Neither are long term planners and look at the big picture. They are more of the impulsive type and just seem to focus on what they want in the immediate....

No advice other than to be supportive for your DH. Like I said, I think it's upsetting for him (but in a different way). 

She's 14 and not even in high school yet.. I wouldn't stress about her career path right now. Lots of other stressful factors in your life right now! 

Good Luck! 

JMTB, your ex can be such a doofus.  Some of the stuff he does is so immature.  Like the come live with us and we'll home school rubbish he tried last time.  Does he not want the best for his daughter?  Grrrrr.

The older we get, the more our options narrow.  We should encourage our kids to keep their options as open as possible for as long as possible.  This means getting the advance diploma even if you don't think you will need it.  It is the better choice to work to our full potential and not just coast because we "can".  

So, I would say that you are not telling her she can't enlist right out of HS, but you are going to insist she meet the standards of the advance diploma because, even for the military.. it could matter... and if she does change her mind.. that path is still open.

I don't know your DD, but I have a different take on this.

There was no doubt ever that OSS wouldn't go to college. He has legitimately been prepped to go since elementary school. Always done well in school, graduating college a year early because of college credits he earned in high school, has enough scholarship money to graduate with minimal debt, etc. There was never a doubt what kind of diploma he would go after when he entered HS.

YSS, on the other hand, is very intelligent but school causes him great anxiety. He also gets very bored with assignments and doesn't see why he needs to complete assignments when he knows the material and aces tests. He is smart enough for college, but he isn't disciplined enough for it, at least not in a way where he will be able to go off for four years, graduate on time, and find gainful employment. 

ET pushed YSS towards the college prep route like OSS. All it did was make the anxiety worse and cause YSS to spiral. DH and I are taking the approach of "figure out a career path you'd like, then we'll help you realistically follow that path". We've accepted that YSS will graduate HS with the "middle of the road" diploma that won't get him into university but would get him into college. We're helping him get established in a technical program that will give him skills/certficiates when he graduates. College was already going to be an uphill battle for him, so instead of trying to push him uphill where he will fail and mentally unravel, we're figuring out a way for him to successfully launch into adulthood.

Now, if this is a case of your DD just wanting to be lazy, then that's a separate story. However, if college/university is not what she wants to do, then work with her to find a program that she'll gain skills in but might mean she gets the "normal" HS diploma. I think it would be fine to tell her "okay, if you aren't college-bound but AF bound, then you're joining JROTC in lieu of taking the harder HS classes", or whatever other options are available that help her reach her goal. She'll need to eat well and exercise in her teen years to make sure her body is in top shape to join. She needs a skill area she wants to invest time into so she has some direction she wants to take both in the AF and after.

Basically, there are ways of cultivating a well-rounded education without pushing the college-bound diploma. People with GEDs manage to get into college, even if they take a different path. I don't think it's worth stressing out kids who have an alternative in mind. Just make sure that if she wants the alternative that she works just as hard for that as she would the college-bound degree.

ETA: IF this is your XH being a doofus, presenting your DD with an alternate path that is just as much work might cause her to rethink her stance. But don't discount that your XH may have a better understanding of where your DD is mentally about school than you do. That doesn't mean you aren't a good mother; it just means he might see it differently than you do. 

The other house issue, but just giving you a heads up my sister applied to John Hopkins, she was in the top 10 of her high school class of 600, had above a 4.0 GPA, involved in sports, involved in clubs, worked, volunteered, etc. she didn't get into John Hopkins. They are VERY competitive. She got into an Ivy League school, but not John Hopkins so just make sure he keeps his options open! Maybe he will get lucky and get in, she doesn't live in Maryland, but just sharing that info. She is going to a school in upstate New York studying biomedical engineering and something else, double majoring. I wish him the best of luck and hope he ends up where he wants to go

Also, hopefully things work out with your DD! All I would have to say on that is I would encourage your DD to take the courses that she would need to be successful if she chose to go to college instead of enlist. Have her set herself up so that when it comes down to making the decision she has the ability to go either path. It doesn't hurt for her to prepare for college and then senior year decide to enlist instead, but it could hurt her if she didn't try to set herself up to be a good college applicant and then decide she wants to go to college instead of enlist. If that makes sense.