SD60 Rant
You all have heard me rant about my crazy, bipolar SD60. She's made my life hell for years.
She's been laying low since the infamous car incident in November when she totaled her uninsured car and DH replaced it. I could barely look at her or speak to her during that whole episode and I think she realized I was maxed out. Christmas, normally the annual peak of her instability, was unusually quiet (thanks covid) but I knew it was just a matter of time.
She was supposed to be here Tuesday to cut DH's hair, do some housework (her way of repaying his " loans") and go back with him to the car dealer about a minor issue. No show, "too sick". (I didnt ask why). Same thing Wednesday. In the meantime, we've had forecasts about a winter storm stsrting this afternoon. She was supposed to be here today, same thing. This is all fine with me since I dont want to see her anyway. She's supposrd to be here tomorroe.
She called DH84 about 4 this afternoon when the sleet and ice had begun, needs $40. He got ready to go. I said, "You're not going out in this, its too dangerous". Wrong, SD60 needs $. I said "She's coming tomorrow, it can wait". Wrong. The phone company is supposrdly cutting off her service unless she pays. My guess is she needs drug $ tonight.
I was on pins and needles but he made it home okay. I hate her for putting an 84- year old man in a dangerous situation but he would do anything for her and I doubt if he will change at this point. Sigh.
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I Feel Your Pain
First...I've told you this before. I am 60. I'm always shocked when I read your posts. These troublesome SKs really never stop, do they? I cannot imagine calling my parents for money at this age. SMH
Where I feel your pain is the inability of our DHs to fully see the mess and continue on. My DH still has issues with his oldest daughter especially. We JUST had a heated discussion about this. While he holds boundaries with his daughter and has long since ended the money grabbing, he is still quick to defend his kids when I point out bad behavior, which is rare these days.
His daughter is local for a month. After being told we were busy when she asked to do something, she got her brother to call the next day and invite DH to "eat out" on the same night she originally wanted. While DH did hold his ground and said no again, when I pointed it out, he was super quick to defend and tell me I had it wrong. I'll agree....it's an assumption of what went on but considering she's done this so many times over the years.....seems probable to me. But I'll just shut up. So... I'm guessing my DH will never change either. At 68, I'm pretty sure he's set for life. LOL
Glad your Dh made it home safe. Stay warm, JRI!!
Defensive
My DH is defensive of SD60, also YSS54, not the others. I dont say much, either. It just causes dissension.
Glad DH
made it home safely. Egads. I hope something changes, but it likely wont. Good for you avoiding her though.
While he was gone....
He asked me to go with him, I refused. While he was gone, I thought, I am always at his side, no.matter what, and believe me, we've been thru a LOT. But at my age, I am not going to put my life in danger while fulfilling her crazy wishes. Im just not going to do it. His driving is iffy, even in good weather, not to mention on sleet and ice. Why she cannot see this is beyond me. Or actually, I do know -her wants are more important than anything else. Of course, if anything happened to him, shrd be boo hooing the loudest.
I'm glad your H made it home
I'm glad your H made it home ok.
Good on you for not going with him.
Ugh, my ex SD who is now aged 24, will end up exactly like your 60yo SD. Totally using Daddy for everything....and my ex will just do it.
Its sad
She had some good years, meaning yeats where her dysfunction did not affect me much. She wss with hubby$1 for 2 or 3 years before they split and she moved back here. I think BM was the tecipient of her craziness in those days, DH was probably hearing it but I was busy with my life. She was here about a year before hooking up with hubby#2. They were togethet about 18 years and he kept things at a livable level til her drug use and Infidelity lead to a split. Since then, she's had nobody to depend on exvept DH.
So, I hope your ex-SD has some good years, too, so ex-DH can get a break. But, when the chips are down, there's always good ole Dad. Ugh.
Yikes...that is truly a low,
Yikes...that is truly a low, asking her 84 year old father to head out on icy roads to give her $40. You would hope that elderly parents could live in peace, but I guess dysfunction doesn't get better unless a lot of personal work is done.
Personal work?
What would she work on? Nothing is SD's fault, she's a VICTIM. Lol
A victim of self delusion.
smh
It's a shame you or your DH
It's a shame you or your DH didn't consider the easiest and safest way to handle this. If he insisted on bailing her out all he had to do is call the phone company and pay her bill over the phone or go on the Internet and do it. That would've also proved if she needed the money for the phone bill or for something else like you thought.
Good idea
That would have worked if anybody had taken time to think it thru but "we" were in a big rush to ride to SD's rescue. We've done this before but I resist doing it, it makes it too easy for her to sidestep normal life problems.
And could have sparked a disagreement anyways.
Such as "why don't you trust her? She wouldn't tell me this if it weren't true" uhmmmm.....
So glad your DH made it back.
So glad your DH made it back. I know he's not going to learn to use Paypal or Venmo or other electronic funds transfer, but that would have kept him off the roads and given her the stupid $40. It would be her problem to turn the payment into cash for her drug transaction.
My DH defends his kids to the nth degree too, but they wouldn't put him in danger. Oh, wait, SD did over Christmas. DH and I were spending a day apart with our own kids. DD picked me up and DH drove to SD's, about 10 minutes from our hotel. DH hadn't slept well the night before and was still recovering from a recent hospitalization. But he was fine when he left in the morning. About noon he got sleepy and wanted to take a nap. So he drives back to the hotel. And THEN SD calls me, worried about her dad. She tells me he had been HALLUCINATING about where he was and who he was with. AND SHE LET HIM GET BACK in the car. I was livid, and an hour away. I couldn't reach him on his cell phone, so I called the hotel and had them check on him. Fortunately he was fine. WHO DOES THAT? WHO LETS SOMEONE HALLUCINATING DRIVE?
Stupid, clueless, selfish
Stupid, clueless, selfish people that's who!! I would have never forgiven Her if I were you.
Oh, brother!
She let her hallucinating father drive!?! Good grief!
DH doesnt even write a check so he won't be using PayPal or Venmo.. He's on a cash-only basis. Lol. But seriously, he takes the opportunity to see her in person to check on her status.
SD's reaction to her father's
SD's reaction to her father's declining health has really surprised me. I expected her to try to be in charge and give me instructions. Instead, she's ignoring it. I had a moment alone with her over Christmas and cornered her into having a conversation with me about his health, what happened to land him in the hospital, recovery strategy, etc. She clearly did not want to discuss it. And then she lets him drive KNOWING this was one of the symptoms that landed him in the hospital.
Fortunately, DH is back to his mostly normal self these days.
I've tried, too
I've tried to talk to SD about DH's declining health, too. She immediately starts crying. Then, she starts with the denial, "He's not that bad", "It was an isolated incident". Sigh, I give up. I just want an adult conversation where I can express my concerns, share the status, maybe get some emo support. I can do this with DS, DD and thankfully, YSS. OSS and SD are too emotional. Only problem is the only one of DH's kids who can handle it, YSS, is out of town.
I'm glad your DH is doing well. Good news!
Doesn’t pass the smell test IMHO
SD was trolling for drama points is my guess.
And even if he doesn't know
And even if he doesn't know PayPal and Venmo the good old fashion calling up on the phone and putting the account number and paying the bill would've worked. Plus again it would've guaranteed the money went to the phone bill and not just into her own hands. DH has paid some bills that are in my name for me like our electric bill and hit yet he just calls up give them the account number and poof the bill is paid
Too easy on SD
Believe me, SD is FULLY aware of this option and we have occasionally done it. But I always resist and make it an unpleasant experience for DH and SD. It would be all too easy for her to pull this every day, if she could.
Ginger, it's hard to realize what a complete scammer she is. Unless it's something to wear, or a status item, she DOES NOT want to pay for it and that includes utilities, insurance, taxes, any expense she can dodge. That's why I'm so adamant about not making it easy for us to pay anything.