March Break Madness
So we have 50/50 custody of my SD11. Which means for me, one week of relative peace and quiet and one week of arguments, whining, complaining, backtalking, always needing to retrain and monitor and entertain my SD.
March break is coming and it falls on the week that she is with us..... and I am DREADING IT. 5 days of 24/7 struggling.
Here's some harsh but honest insight. SD11 acts like she knows it all. Argues like she knows it all (when really her logic doesn't even make sense). Interrupts, talks back and whines and complains constantly. SD11 is LAZY. Takes NO initiative. SD11 can't even hold a conversation for longer than a couple minutes - her texts to her friends are quite random and they get irritated with talking to her. If she tries to start or join a conversation with myself and her father, she gets off track in seconds. SD11 Has ZERO imagination and ZERO interest in anything other than posting brain dead videos on her ONE social media outlet that her father allows her to have. If given the chance, she will do nothing but watch her own lame videos repeatedly like a narcissist and continue to post more drivel. SD11 has NO other interests yet expects us to tell her what to do to keep occupied and "have fun" or to take her places that cost an outrageous amount. We have now limited her "social media/free/posting time" to when she has earned it, so there is suddenly a ton of empty time. She is perpetually bored yet would rather complain about it, than fix it.
Arts/crafts? No. Going outside? No. Practicing hair or makeup or doing her nails? No. Walk the dog? No. Reading a book? No. Even help out around the house or play with her toddler brothers? No. She has the opportunity to go to work with her father and spend one on one time with him? No. Can we sign her up for any activities that we think she may like? No, because DH is wanting her to be able to make her own choices, but she is constantly in the mode of "I don't know", so nothing will get done.
What on earth do I do in that March Break time?? I'm very near the end of my pregnancy and don't want the extra stress. It is so exhausting and aggravating trying to get things done around the house while my husband is at work, deal with 2 toddlers, take care of pets with special needs and have a CAPABLE young person just standing there whining that holidays are the worst.
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You send her to work with her
You send her to work with her father becauss she is there to see her father. She is not your responsibility. Do NOT give her the choice.
I'm not sure if this is a
I'm not sure if this is a huge mistake on my and my husband's part, but we had agreed in the beginning that I'm basically to act as a mother to her in every sense. Of course it started off slow for her and my sake, but I took on more and more responsibility of SD over time.
So I guess in a way, I need to deal with the fact that this is what I signed up for and quit complaining? But SD has become more problematic in the last 2 years. Her behaviour negatively affects my boys and they're barely old enough to understand anything, but they DO understand the feeling of stress and they do understand what is a pleasant sound vs arguing and whining and tantrums.
I'm considerably more "'no nonsense" than my husband who tolerates WAY too much. He seems to think that SD responds better to correction from me but I told him in order for her to get the picture, HE needs to be on the same page saying the exact same thing and not waiting for me to always be the one to pull her socks up. Lately when I come across anything that SD has done half-assed or full out wrong, I tell DH right away and tell him to deal with it because I'm tired of repeating myself. Our household is busy but we have put in place routines for her to follow and have CLEAR expectations. Before me, her father had daily routines for her, so it isn't anything new. She just has more expectations now that she's older and she doesn't like it. I've even gone to the extent of writing things down for her so that she can keep on track throughout the day without us reminding her. But even that, she's starting to ignore and say "I forgot".
My biggest focus right now is my health and that of my baby's and trying not to go into labour too early like my last pregnancy. Bedrest isn't an option and each day is painful and taxing. I cant even take a drive or go for a walk because of the Braxton Hicks pain that becomes crippling.
I think I'll be giving her a heads-up from TODAY to start planning her March Break. And if there's ANY whining/issues on any of those days, if she didn't take me seriously and make plans to occupy herself, then she WILL be going to work with her father. And I won't be giving him a choice either - I don't care the weather, how much she slows him down etc
Just way too tired to deal with any added stress.
Do you live close to your
Do you live close to your family? Can you go there for the week? I realize you have your hands full---but maybe going to your parents would be wonderful for you.
Unfortunately my parents aren
Unfortunately my parents aren't able to help, nor do they live close enough. Otherwise I have no other family to stay by. Right now, all I can do is look after my boys and the house and keep my hospital bag ready to go. I've already brought up the "bored" issue to my husband but March Break is still a few days away so he hasn't thought about anything yet.
Do you live close to your
Do you live close to your family? Can you go there for the week? I realize you have your hands full---but maybe going to your parents would be wonderful for you.
Listen to me carefully
This part of stepparenting can be challenging especially when your husband is not around its like ( oh boy) . You are pregnant don't let the kid stress you out or make you feel how do I satisfy her because she is bored OR what can I do as she keeps wining again. Trust me you have a huge responsibility right now and another one taking care of your SD11 that is alot your partner knows you are stuck with her I suggest for him before or after work to take her out since she don't want to go work with him he needs to understand you are busy and may not be able to do as much on the break...does she have a grandma she can chill with or a aunt, uncle for a day or so anyways you have given her ideas, options, and she you did everything you can to satisfy her and I salute you for that sometimes you just got to let it be she will figure it
Does she have any friends?
Does she have any friends?
I know it sounds like more, but allowing her to bring a friend may take a lot of pressure off you to entertain her.
She does have a couple
She does have a couple friends closeby but they seem to be filling her head with more garbage than anything. And when she hangs out with them, all they do is post silly videos or play on her phone or watch Youtube. Then she comes back acting exactly like them and braindead and too tired/bored/uninterested in doing anything at home.
I'm always torn about whether she deserves that time to be with her friends and further rot her brain OR giving myself a break.
Had the same dilemma the other night when her father allowed her to go with her friends to an outing that went late. It was a nice 2 hour break, but once she came home she was miserable and because of missing out on sleep, she was incredibly mouthy and whiny for TWO days. Felt like a huge waste of money and energy.
She has ONE good friend who is a good influence that I really like, but that friend's mother limits visits and keeps her own daughter quite busy/occupied.
I feel bad for wanting to pawn SD off on someone else. But I don't know what is beneficial anymore. I can't find a win-win situation or good balance.
Are there any spring break
Are there any spring break day camps she can go to? Don't give her a choice- sign her up for horseback riding or whatever that keeps her out of the house for a good chunk of the day with the bonus that she will be tired when she gets home! That is some stuff I would go into credit card debt over, no way would I want to deal with a kid like that at the end of a pregnancy!
I wish I had thought of that
I wish I had thought of that a while ago. And I wish I could override my husband's "Do you think she'll like it? Let her decide what she wants to do". When I was young/growing up, my parents CHOSE things for me based on what they thought was beneficial for me. I didn't know anything/any better. SD knows a lot less.
Unfortunately all the camps are now full or out of our price range.
I'm sitting here watching my 2 toddler sons play and keep themselves occupied in a splendid way, something that SD can't seem to do.
You CAN override his wishy
You CAN override his wishy-washy parenting. HE isn't the one who is saddled with her all day. Dammit, if you keep asking her to decide, she will always say no! She's going to grow up without ever trying ANYTHING. How does that suit him? This is also what parents are for, ensuring their children have enough experience of enough different things to be able to make reasonable decisions once they are adults. This child has avoided all changes, all new experiences, how will she survive?
Get it through his thick skull how much damage he is doing to her development by letting her drift on, that by being so noncommittal, he is arresting her development. She is 11, for goodness sake, she doesn't have the life experience to know what is good for her. Time for him to behave like a parent and stop trying to be her friend.
Time to give him some home truths.