Parasitic Vampire: Need ST Input

Divorce update and request for your insights/suggestions:

It's become evident STBXH isn't done taking, taking, taking like the lying entitled vampiric parasite he is, was, and always will be. He's got multiple divorces under his belt (all THEIR fault!), while I am untrained and inexperienced in this "community property" arena.

He's lying about numerous assets & I don't know what to do or say to my attorney. I am not going to lie, and my disclosures were 100% based in truth, with exacting documentation to back it up.

I don't want STBX to thieve what's mine - retirement and value of items he conned me & others into buying as "gifts" for me. I recently realized he knew what he was doing, and knew he was setting himself up by insane spending so I would be forced to pay and pay and pay and PAY for his betrayal. He is shameless and vengeful, angry that I rejected his b.s. and filed for divorce. He's broke as a joke & wants to drag me down in his pool of vomit.

I am trusting God and aware that I am called to be as wise as a serpent yet innocent as a dove.

"Though He slay me, I will hope in Him." -Job

I'm definitely not feeling wise, nor battle-ready. I am compiling a list of questions for my attorney, because I really don't even know how to think or strategize how to prevail instead of rewarding STBX for his abusive betrayals.

My best friend tells me "The comeback is greater than the setback" and that God will give me double for my trouble. Tonight I got discouraged, and a dear ST friend encouraged me to blog & ask for the wisdom of the collective ST community. I'm also asking for prayer, if you're so inclined.

Thank you in advance.

#advice #help #divorce #community property #parasite #vampire #narcissist #liar #thief #betrayer #accuser #cheater #longing for freedom

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I've never been through a

I've never been through a divorce, so I have no tips or helpful legal strategy to offer, but know there's a wealth of experience on this site. Dragging things out and burying your opponent in expensive motions they'll have to pay counsel to handle is one way to hasten a settlement, but I think you're looking for ways to keep his greedy hands off your assets. The ST voice of experience will no doubt help.

STBXH has no attorney...

STBXH has no attorney, and no $$ for one... plus no friends or family who would loan him the $$. I'm the one he's trying to bury. *help*

StepUltimate, my divorce was

StepUltimate, my divorce was pretty basic with a few ridiculous requests by psycho exh. So I have little advice to offer. But I do have a bottomless supply of prayer for you and {{{hugs}}}.

Nightmare

I just woke up from a nightmare, literally. In the dream, I was by myself in a small town up in the mountains that had a festival. I had to walk over this scary bridge that went across the main road thru town. I was trying to build up courage to cross the bridge to get to the festival but waa terrified, frozen in fear. But I forced myself to try, telling myself that if all the little kids in town could do it, so could I. So I tried. But I fell on the bridge, both legs dangling as I straddled this strong concrete beam that kept me from crashing to my death below. So I turned back, but realized that a family of four who in real life I was close to (& godmother to the son) but who I've cut off as the mother if my godson is a using betraying liar (currently cheating on her DH in real life also, in fact, plus a narcissist) lived on that main street near the bridge. So in the dream I knew I needed help but I knew I couldn't give her power by asking for help. But when I walked by, they weren't home. I went in thinking I'd borrow a blanket for the night then return it the next day, however while there I fell asleep on their futon, tired beyond all caution, knowing it was wrong to be there uninvited & without permission. I woke up & tried to sneak out, but former friend was there as the family had returned. She was acting nice & benevolent but I knew she enjoyed seeing me in my helpless, terrorized, failed state. I apologized for crashing her home, futon, and blanket but I knew I had to leave & face the bridge because as terrorified as I was about the bridge & falling to my death, giving the former friend another chance to use & betray me would be even worse. I woke up at 4:43am.

My sister went through this

My sister went through this recently with an abusive money controller. He liiiiiied. Tried to intimidate, constantly tried changing the terms.

She remained calm (outwardly) and rejected each change or allegation he made by re-iterating her plan. She made a couple changes here and there but ended up with a settlement she was happy about. Patience and firmness.

Keep talking with your lawyer. You said he doesn't have one, well good. He can make allegations but if there's no truth there's no proof.

Are you continuing to run all communication through your lawyer?

Are you continuing to run all communication through your lawyer? I know that is going to cost more, but it will save your mental health. At least for now, do not give in to him to make it all go away. My guess is that if you start strong and stay that way it will be better, as he is a bully and expecting you to give in right away.

To help with expenses, try and keep all communication with your attorney about the case itself and strategy. It is easy to start talking to them about the emotional parts of things and unfortunately that gets billed at the same rate. Find a friend or a therapist to provide emotional support in real life.

Protect your retirement at all costs. In my experience, finances are more important than "things." Where are you on dividing property - do you have everything you want? Since you have a lawyer and he has money woes, that will work in your favor. Stay strong and don't give in to any of his demands unless your lawyer thinks it will help in the long run.

Depending on assets and if

Depending on assets and if she has more of them plus retirement gained during marriage this may be a hard place. To keep my retirement intact with my ex (he had less assets and I think he hid some but nothing I could control or prove), I had to give up a larger % of the home equity and gave him every "thing" I could. It worked and he didn't get a dime of my personal money. But each situation may differ.

Thanks to everyone who shared your thoughts!

Prayers

Lots and lots of prayers to you during this very difficult time.