This is it - this is the moment I feel strong enough and focussed enough to actually consider leaving. 

This is new. I feel like I have stuck around for all the wrong reasons. I always had this sense of duty, a sense that I owe it to my husband who lost his first wife, to the kids who thought I was going to be their new mom and I didnt want another failed marriage.

But really I never wanted any of it - I tried to leave in the first few weeks of our relationship because it was too hard but my husband made me feel so sorry for him and the kids and pusuaded me to stick it out. That it would be worth it. 4 years later and it not - the kids are more difficult than ever. Lying, stealing, attitude, not listening, being lazy, forgetful, not thinking for themselves and never learning. They are also so rude to my BD and no example for her which is another factor I'm considering. Its just a perpetual cycle - I think I'm done. 

They are 11 and 14 now. I thought they'll be off in a few years but then I think our problems could get worse and it's not worth the risk?
They could live at home until they are 30, they might get worse problems like a addiction, gambling - the parenting could get harder as they grow up. You never stop being a parent after all - so what am I holding out for? 

My husband does really try with the kids, he's forever talking to them, lecturing them, punishing them - but nothing works on these kids. NOTHING. 

Also, I'm on antidepressants. For the first time in my life just to numb what I'm feeling and get though.

I need real tangible advice, a strategy for how to do this. I'm 32 and Ive already gave it over 4 years. 

Will it get better? What do you guys think I should do?

Read my other posts for more context. 

Thanks y'all