SS10 returns back to BM's in 4 days. While I am ready for him to go home, his tune has changed now that he realizes he is going back. He has been having a lot of gastrointestinal issues in these past few days. When we ask him about it, he says it's nerves, but doesn't elaborate. This has happened before on previous visits when he knows he has to return to BMs. I wonder if he is anxious about the interrogation I am sure he will receive, but he refuses to open up about it so we don't push. 

I understand that all kids go through transitions when they transition between households, but SS' transitions always seems weird. He is great for the first two or three days, like a flawless transition; then he is an asshole for 4 to 5 days, then he finishes off the last few days of visit great. If this is just the transitions, I would have expected him to struggle at the beginning and end, not in the middle, but I do understand that every kid is different and maybe he just processes it all differently. 

We went to visit DH's family this past weekend. They live in the same city as BM's parents and it is the city DH and BM grew up in. SS lived there until he was 5 and then BM moved him out of state when she met GF. DH's family lives near the local airport, which has a plane viewing area, where you can park your car and watch the planes take off. We were there and SS looked around and noticed one of the huge buildings is the company that BM's GF works for. I guess BM and GF told SS that the company GF works for is one-of-a-kind and only located in their current state. SS freaked out and said "OMG we could move back! That is GF's company! They said there wasn't one here!" We ignored the statement and DH later told me that BM won't move back and if she did, it would be after SS turns 18, just to limit visitation with DH. 

SS has been doing better at keeping himself occupied and helping out around the house. He is willing to help out without being asked and hasn't been as argumentative as he was. What really surprises me is his interaction with DD5months. Over the last few days, he has wanted to help more with her, giving her a pacifier, trying to calm her if she cries, playing with her. This morning, I was having trouble getting DD dressed because she was screaming and SS came in with toys and got her laughing. When we arrived at my Mom's for her to babysit DD and SS, SS immediately ran into the playroom, grabbed DD's bouncer and blanket, put both in front of the TV, and turned on Sesame Street. He wasn't asked or prompted to do this. SS cried to DH last night that the next time he visits in November, DD will be so big and so grown and he is sad that he will miss it all. DH told him that we can FaceTime and maybe consider a visit there this Fall. SS asked if he could make a scrapbook of all the photos he and DD have together, so he is at the craft store with my Mom right now, picking up some pieces for that. 

Last night, SS also started talking about college and how he is struggling. DH and I chuckled, reminding SS that he has 8 years before college and to not stress. SS said he wants to go to a college in BM's state because he would be close to BM, GF, GF's family, any sibling that BM and GF give him (should that actually happen), and his childhood friends. But then, SS said he also considers going to school in our state because then he would be close to us, DD, my family, DH's family, BM's family, etc. DH really ramped up, encouraging him to consider our state, listing all the pros, and I could tell it was making SS uncomfortable. I shot DH a look and told SS that he has 8 years to decide and a lot can happen between now and then. I also told him that his happiness is most important and he is going to be missing family and friends regardless of where he goes, so whatever he decides in BM's state, our state, neither state, has to be what is best for him. I later told DH that it wasn't fair to push the issue; that by doing so, we are creating the same loyalty binds BM forces on him. I told DH that if SS wants a relationship with us, he will have one, but pushing him into something to try to force a relationship is only going to push him away. 

In recent years, I have struggled with SS so much. His has become a mini BM and GF and it is so hard to have that personality and energy around for weeks at a time. I have struggled with the loyalty binds he experiences toward BM and GF. I have struggled with the seeming lack of care about us. I have struggled listening to all the stories about BM, GF, and their life together with SS. I have struggled with the entitlement and SS' rude, cocky, know-it-all attitude. I have struggled with SS constantly putting our home state down, while constantly bragging about the state BM moved them to. I know he is just a kid stuck in a difficult situation due to our high conflict dynamic with BM. I try to keep that in mind when I'm upset about all of it, that he is a child navigating this big situation and trying to keep both sides happy. It doesn't make it easier though. I hope the rest of his visit is great and that the exchange with BM goes smooth.