In the spirit of Christmas, I'd go with the neutral gift.  How about a gift card to ULTA or Sephora?  That way, you don't even have to select anything.

I agree with the gift card... they already are going to deal with the unpleasantness of a dialed back christmas.. and you know full well that "self help" books will go over like a lead balloon.. and while you might think they need that.. they may not see it the same way.

If you can't say anything nice.. say nothing at all.. so if you can't hand over 20 dollar gift cards to ulta with a merry christmas.. then just do nothing... don't waste your money on books that they won't read... and will only offend them.. and cause a scene.

but I do not get SS20 anything. At all.  All of his gifts are purchased with DH's own account and his name only goes on the gift.  He has never gotten DH or myself anything, but will let SS24 buy our gifts and puts his name on them. I thank SS24.  He is the one that put in the thought, purchased and wrapped it.

SS24 gifts are purchased with our joint account, both names on it and I will always slip an Uber card into his stocking.

I am disengaged from SS20.  I don't know if he cares or not and I do not care.

My only spirit of Christmas extended to him is that he gets some of the cookies I bake and is invited to Christmas dinner. 

Get the Julie Fast books for DH.  The other two can have French fry coupons for McDonalds.  Do they even sell those anymore ?  Lol. You get my point. 

Another vote for gift cards. As helpful as those books might be, the skids may take offense. 

You pick the amount you want to give.  There is no extras like tax , boxes, gift rapping.  No time spent getting gift card. You can Amazon it 

I bought Toxic Parents for Killjoy a few years ago, DH wouldn't let me give it to her.  So she got nothing from me.

I don't know if you were actually serious about giving them the self help books, but honestly I got a great laugh out of the idea!  I wish that I could muster up the nerve to gift those to my Skids!
I'm in agreement about giving gift cards, but actually in truth, you have a great excuse to start a new tradition of not giving them anything at all ever again.  Money is Tight.  The End. 

the self-help book "gift" for my SD's as well. Lol but for the sake of peace I vote a nonrefundable gift card to whatever is considered the most trashy store in your area. Walmart? McDonalds? (I do shop/eat at both places myself from time-to-time so please excuse my snobbery in this comment.)

But get ready for a reaction! Probably will be crying about you two buying a house rather than splurging on them. LOL

When we finally stopped the Christmas money grabs, we offered to pull names. DHs kids were all into adulthood. MInd you, they came for the money and gifts but NEVER brought a gift for their dad, even when we gave them money to shop. SMH

DH got a voice mail from his oldest daughter, saying she recieved his gift but would not give that to an acquaintance let alone a family member. She called back immediately asking him to not listen to the voice mail but it was too late...he and I both heard it. Two others bitched to some of our family about not getting any money. Thankfully, they spoke up and told them both to get a job. 

We stood strong and after a couple of years of the minimum gifts, we decided to stop the gift giving all together. Haven't sent gifts to DHs kids in years. And they continue sending him nothing for Christmas. Works for us.

Thats all I get SD16 PMP now. 50 buckaroos. And I gift others that are in need as a replacement for gifts to SD23 Feral Forger who I am no contact with.

Whenever I get the urge to give someone a self help book, I get them a nice journal.

I literally have journals in my Amazon saved for later for both my SD and my brothers wife (who herself is a grown SD who is bipolar or borderline)

If someone can't be bothered to say hello or goodbye to me, I certainly cannot be bothered to get them a gift.  If I was in your shoes, I'd get them exactly nothing, so whatever your DH gets them would be all they got from the household.  Too bad, so sad for them.  They should behave better and be nicer.

First I was all in for Xmas! 

Then after a few years had passed and OSD was literally counting the presents beneath the tree because it was the number of gifts she got that was important I had a talk with DH and told him straight up I was done with that (plus her entitlement was growing exponentially since around age 11/12). So I scaled back and just did the stockings and got them a few gifts each with the help of a fun list (something fun, something to read, something you want, something you need). Until the next year where they didn't want to do the list any longer. So then it was just stockings and two things; one nice thing, one fun thing. Then the final year where OSD treated me like dog-doo and YSD just wouldn't respond with any suggestions, so they got one gift cert from me and I stopped the stockings (told DH it was on him and he didn't do it). Then OSD was gone. Now, YSD still refuses, refuses, to give any ideas about what she wants - the idea of gift giving is beyond her - so this past year I just donated a good $ amount to a teen charity and gave her the donation in her name. DONE.  My family doesn't give her anything either because she never thanks them and I told them clearly that it was not in my ability to make sure that got done so do what makes you comfortable.

I vote for a $10 savings bond. If they don't cash it for 20 years the government will double the amount.

Yeah those books are a bit over the top.  I would be offended.  Just give a gift card.

I gave up getting gifts for DH to give. (There's a backstory, which I won't get into, but gifts are only from DH. I'd help him pick them out, but only his name ever goes on the gift.)  We don't see SD, her husband, and SGKs often enough to know their interests. If asked about a gift for the SGKs, SD said that they will like whatever he gets. When I've had DH buy what I think is appropriate, and we saw them open the gift, it was obvious they didn't like it. I quit helping.

DH hates shopping so now they get money from DH. (And since DH is frugal, the amount is not large.) We now drop off their money and card before the day. (DH goes to the door. I stay in the car. He hands the gift to whoever comes to the door. They say thank you. We leave.) Haven't seen them on a birthday or holiday in years. So what they think of the amount, we have no clue.

"Bipolar for Dummies".  Lol.

I vote not buying them a single gift for christmas.  Personally, I don't buy gifts for people that treat me badly.  It's a waste of time and resources and I feel I would be debasing myself.

I kind of feel the same way about the holidays. SO and I just bought a house as well and money has been pretty tight for us. He also lost his job (not his fault... the place he was working fired hundreds of people at the same time) and we're going to be recovering from that, too. He did get a new job and starts soon, so that's a weight off our backs. Anyway, SD10 has been asking us about Hanukah and telling us what she wants. The last couple years SO and I would each buy gifts for her for every night. In hindsight it was because it used to be fun for me to buy her gifts, but not so much anymore. She's so materialistic and is constantly getting things from BM since I guess that's how BM shows her love... you know, through things. *eye roll* Anyway, this year SO and I told SD we'd be breaking up Hanukah so she would get one gift each night from either me OR SO and not both... I swear to God I saw her face go from excited to disappointed knowing she wouldn't be getting twice as many gifts. I honestly don't care. She has enough stuff and I'm really not going to go above and beyond for her gifts this year. I usually try to stick to something practical like clothes because she always needs new clothes. Of course I'll find a couple fun things too, but my heart isn't in it this year. She also gets to celebrate Christmas with SO's family, BM, and BM's extended family. "Spoiled" doesn't even begin to cover it. Oy. But, for your SD's since they are older a gift card sounds like a great idea for them. You really don't have to put ANY thought into it at all, lol.