Thanks for all the helpful feedback and comments on my last Post, "Butter Bawl" for short.

After a few days and much writing and many comments/feedback, and one big discussion with Husband, Ive gotten to a new perspective. I HAD been thinking, as you all pointed out, "yay, Munchkin SD16.5 is back", much like a golden retriever eager for the smallest crumbs of attention, and she threw me a bone. It did seem very strange, that after a few years and months of not really speaking to me, all of a sudden-like, shes taking 2 very solid hours of time, opening up, talking and crying and we are expressing ourselves to each other. I too, was impressed with the maturity and thoughfull insightfullness that I was hearing.

NOW Im just thinking yes, shes familliar with the patterns that her mother and sister have, so shes using past experience as a predictor of future behavior. Simple as that. This is the fourth move with Toxic Troll, so its extra stressful, and she needed an emotional release of the stress.

Im thinking I was just a convenient and easy emotional dumpster for her emotional release needs, and shes envisioning that she will have to somehow deal with what to do and where to land if/when her sister moves in with them and things blow up like they always do. In other words...

I dont think it was anything real. And all the different topics she brought up, her viewpoints, are skewed and not real, just twisted versions of her truth. After going back and forth, I decided to discuss with Husband. Most of everything hes already heard before from her, it was no new topics, just a few added layers that might have been new. And surpise of suprises, he was calm and receptive. That being said...

It sort of became a "she said/he said" thing, so after evaluating it all, that 2 hours was mainly just a Sour Grapes Cryfest With Clove. She wasnt trying to butter me up for anything, not really. I dont think shes thinking that far ahead - shes more in the here and now mentality of most teens. She wasnt at all interested in involving me in her life in any real sense. She was there, I was there, she needed me and she was releasing her sour grapes and Feral Forger moves back stress. The sour grapes being the jealousy of her sister getting the lions share of everything - time, money, resources, love, attioin, spoilage, without having to do any work for it, or even being at all loving and nice. 

After discussing with Husband, there were a great many inconsistencies with her SGCFWCL. I get it, blaming me is safe. Using me as scapegoat is safe. When you are desperate to bond with child, stepmother as the enemy is the easiest way. Eff that, I say. Tonight Im calling it out, and shutting it down.

For example I just learned:

When Husband asks SD16.5 PS to wash dishes, to get her to hurry up because she so lags, that he tells her to do it now, before Clove gets home, as "incentive" because making me upset is the "higher power" of enticement and "we are a team, so lagging upsets BOTH of us". Like WTF. I just always use the word "now" and that seems to do the trick. I dont say "do before your father gets home..."

Husband gives Skid money, many times just for her "to have fun", but with caveat "dont tell Clove"...without having her do anything to work for it. Again WTF. "I do it because shes my DAUGHTER". Ok, whatever, but do NOT involved me in ANY WAY. Hes again throwing me under the bus. Will need to go scorched earth on this. 

ok, so now to the She said-cried/ He said:

SHE SAID DURING SGCFWCL: She was crying that she does all these different things to please her father and bond with her father. So when she wanted a flute, and told him, he said "you should get the bass, flutes are lame" So she got the bass. And now isnt allowed to play it at our house. 

HE SAID: He said she asked for money for a $20 flute and he agreed to give it to her, and then she came back to him and said she didnt actually want the flute she wanted the bass and her mother agreed to pay half and could he pay half and he said no Ill give you the $20 I was going to give you for the flute and you can apply that towards the bass.

CLOVE: I knew of the $20 gifting and when I heard of the bass I said "no thank you she can play that somewhere else". She could have played at her mothers, but she didnt. She's got 2 violins shes not playing, 2 ukeleles, an acustic guitar, now a bass. NADA love given to any musical instruments already accumulated. 

Another example:

SHE SAID DURING SGCFWCL: She stays in her room because barnacle friend is always there, with dad who is ALWAYS in the garage and she doesnt want to go fishing because BF is always there too. Anytime she comes out of her room, its always "do the dishes, clean your room" rather than conversation or spending time together.

HE SAID: Im always asking her to go places with me and shes always wanting to be in her room. Shes happy in there. And yes, I ask her to do dishes so she has to get off her a$$ and get out of her room. So because of that yes, anytime shes out of her room shes asked to do dishes...its actually BECAUSE shes been asked to do dishes. (SIDENOTE HE SAID: He had told me a while ago that when he asked her why she doesnt come out of her room, its because of ME, Clove, always making her "uncomfortable", and asking her to do dishes. I told him - yes, Im safe to blame - you can check it off your parenting list and shes not blaming you for anything, check check check)

CLOVE: Well this isnt for me to fix, however I have been thinking back. When I wanted to have family time, she PowerSulks her way through each and every one, there is no joy there. Family dinners together devolved specifically because her Power Sulking made them so awkward. She does the same thing when we all go out together. So maybe she needs to sit in the garage and play her bass and then she can have daddy time and bass time and they can bond???? LOL. JK. I told him she wants a closer relationship, but now I actually see that shes not willing to do the work. She wants it all to be EASY.

Her mother is EASY, shes female, they share a room. Shes THERE. I guess there is more common ground, neither has to try.

So, Im out of it. SD16.5 Power Sulk will be 17 in a few months. I wish her the best, but will not be supporting her when her father loses his job and has to figure things out. If she has to be with us Full Time at anytime before 18, I will lay it all out with expectations, and the first expecation will be honest and open communication. Im done with being blamed for things I am not at all involved with. Im done being the scapegoat. I am done being the emotional stepdump.