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My 80 yr old dad having trouble with his skids

Shieldmaiden's picture

Submitted by Shieldmaiden on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 11:56am

I was calling my 80 yr old dad the other day, and he said he had been stressed out lately - so I asked him why. He usually doesn't want to share his troubles, but he obviously needed a friendly ear this time.

He said his 2nd wife's daughter, who is in her late forties, came over to their house for dinner. She brought her husband, and her 3 enormous german shephards - who are their "babies." The largest is almost 6 feet tall when standing on hind legs. Well, during dinner, my dad said he is "always expected" to share a portion of his dinner with SD's dogs. Everyone is. (How odd is that?)  

He said SD took the largest portion of meat and then looked judgementally at my dad because he didn't immediately cut off a peice for the dogs. SD threw a greasy peice of meat on the carpet and the dogs pushed it around with their noses, messing up the carpet. My dad's wife spent 45 minutes scrubbing the carpet after they left, but didn't say a word.

Then, during dinner,  the largest dog saw a squirrel out out of the sliding glass doors and launched himself repeatedly at the glass, nearly cracking it. That's when my dad decided he was going to send them a text about "respecting their home." And he did. Then he faced the backlash from his wife, who was livid at him for telling her daughter that she needs to put the dogs outside if she comes over again, because her behavior was not ok. His wife was giving him the silent treatment for a few days over this. 

This brought up my issues with my skids, so I explained that he did the right thing and that his wife needs to talk it out with him instead of stonewalling him. He seemed relieved to have someone validate him. My DH said she likely is too afraid of losing her daughter's affection to tell her to shape up, but that her daughter's behavior affects him, too - so he should have input into how its handled. 

Anyway, I just thought it interesting that my dad, who would never understand my plight as a stepmom, is also dealing with the same EXACT issue, but he didn't see the correlation until now. 

His wife's daughter has always been self-centered and entitled, but because she and her husband are wealthy, they are able to impose their "normal" on everyone else and not have any repurcussions. They live an isolated life of luxury, and my dad and his wife will often dogsit/housesit for them while they are away in Hawaii, or whatever tropical island they've jetted off to that week. 

Comments

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 12:14pm

He had to deal with 2 annoyances:  1) entitled SK and 2) people who treat their dogs like kids to a ridiculous, oblivious extent.

SeeYouNever's picture

Submitted by SeeYouNever on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 12:22pm

Gross. Everyone I know who has three large dogs always smells like dog themselves. It's like cigarette smoke it just gets all over everything.

Expecting to feed the dogs a portion of the human meal is ridiculous. I would plan meals that are not dog friendly. Maybe your dad could look into all the various types of foods that are not good for dogs to eat. Even things like salt, onions and garlic are bad for dogs and they're in pretty much everything.

I don't think I would invite them to have dinner at their house anymore. If the wife wants to see them they can go out to eat at a restaurant.

At 80 years old if a dog that big knocked your dad over he could break a bone and be incapacitated for the rest of his life.

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 1:16pm

glad that your dad sees the light now.

whats he going to do about his power sulking wife?

Shieldmaiden's picture

Submitted by Shieldmaiden on Wed, 03/15/2023 - 4:03pm

Dear old dad has always loved high maintenance women. By that I mean women who have him  by the balls. My mother was insane and treated him like a child. All his girlfriends were controlling, and so is his current wife. Its her way or the highway. She even parks him and his walker over at his old house, alone. For some reason he never sold it after they married and moved in together. Then she goes back to "HER" house alone. ?? My dad doesn't want to admit that his marriage is failing. I dont' think either of them want a divorce at 80, but its sad to watch him be so alone when he is supposedly with his loving wife.  I have, however, learned to butt out - after getting told it wasn't my business. Do I still want to tie her up in a old rug and throw her off the interstate bridge? HELL YES!  I have absolutely no respect for someone with no loyalty.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 1:20pm

Well...... he is in his right to protect his home.. but I would have made the girl's mother do the dirty work.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Submitted by Rumplestiltskin on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 1:56pm

Oh hell no. He should borrow a couple peacocks or little pigs or something and bring them to their house and expect the same. Or a small flock of geese to crap all over their floor while expecting pieces of their bread to be handed over. 

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Tue, 03/14/2023 - 4:51pm

Yikes, Shieldmaiden!

How I can relate to your Dad’s plight! About 12 years ago, my brother and his bride attended a family dinner hosted by our aged parents; brother and his wife were newly married via a civil service in another country. 

My sister-in-law brought along her huge, mixed-breed dog, her ‘baby’, who introduced himself to my horrified parents/siblings by urinating hugely/unstoppably on the living-room carpet. 

During dinner, the dog positioned himself under the table to command a substantial portion of both my brother’s and his ‘mommy’s’ meals. Sister-in-law encouraged me and my siblings to likewise share our meals. I love dogs but the sight of that slobbering mutt, whining for ‘dibs’ and snuffling around the floor for fallen scraps left me without appetite and, in fact, having to leave the table before dry heaving.

 

Parents of obnoxious children are not alone in their blindness to the behaviour of their offspring. Owners of disruptive, untrained animals are equally illogical in assuming that everyone is charmed by their ‘darlings’.

I’m so glad to read that your Dad had the guts to establish boundaries with his stepdaughter. You might also advise him that ‘the silent treatment’ is abuse. Your stepmother knew, full well, that her daughter’s conduct was unacceptable yet rather than support her husband, she preferred to apply the juvenile ‘silent treatment’. 

My husband suggests that, on the occasion of the stepdaughter’s next visit, she would be happier accompanying her dogs outside for el fresco dining? Far less stress! No carpets to clean!

halo1998's picture

Submitted by halo1998 on Wed, 03/15/2023 - 8:23am

1.  I never took them to someone's house with out asking, my parents included.  I would call and ask first.

2.  Our Dogs were taught not to beg.  We do feed our dogs table food.  It is not good for them and we do not like when people feed them.  

Your SD is just rude....and while I consider my dogs to be family..that does not mean I can subject them to everyone else.

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Wed, 03/15/2023 - 9:20am

"DW, seeing as your daughter isn't house-trained, she will no longer be admitted to out home."

End of story.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 03/15/2023 - 11:26am

If there is a next time, go OUT for dinner. I cannot imagine any restaurants allowing three big arse dogs.