Does Karma Ever Catch Up with BM?
So in the last month, both SS26 and SD24 stopped responding to DH. His relationship with SS has been strained for some years. He had been holding onto anger toward DH after he got his girlfriend pregnant. The relationship was over before the baby was born. He was in the Marines at the time and his contract was up when the baby was just 2 months old. So, he moved back to his home state and is getting married to a girl from his hometown now. He has been to see his daughter maybe 4 times since she was born 3 years ago. When all of this happened he stopped talking to DH. He would never tell DH why but he could tell others that his dad was not there for him. DH was also in the military (where we met) and decided to stay in after his relationship with BM and he split. Maybe it wasn't the right choice but it was the best way he knew how to provide for his children.
So SD now 24 moved in with us in 2019 when everything first happened with SS. She was like a sloth at best during this time. She was finishing up her degree with 2 online classes and couldn't work. She would just hang out here all day and it wore on me. I'm sure I didn't handle it right but it was so frustrating. She came with 2 cats that she never told her dad about until he got to her grandmother's place in TN to help her move to Maine. I was not happy. We had 3 dogs at the time that had never been around cats and I was honestly worried for the cats. So she kept these cats in her small bedroom with 2 litter boxes. There was a lot of issues there but we did work through it. We were able to introduce everyone and it was alright. I will never forget the smell of that kitty litter and all of the air fresheners that she used to try to cover the smell. Ugh.
Anyways, during the time that SD was here she opened up about her mother and how she had been dating a 27 year old felon in jail (when BM was in her mid to late 40s). She had snuck Xanax in to him during a visitation so they decided to try again. He asked her to bring more in OVER THE PRISON PHONE SYSTEM. The guards were waiting for her when she got there as they had heard the conversation. So she was arrested for the Xanax and tobacco that she was trying to bring in. She had also sent many western unions to random people that felon boyfriend would ask her to send. He told her he was in a prison gang and it was the only way for him to get out. She even asked SD for money to send for him and she asked her to send western unions under a fake name. SD refused, she was a poor college student at the time. After BM was released and lost her job for the week she spent in jail, SD and SS refused to speak to her. Eventually, they worked things out. Then when prison boyfriend was released she moved him in with her, her mother, her sister and 13 year old niece. Felon boyfriend wasn't there long as he had a younger girlfriend on the side and was just using BM.
Because of covid BM didn't even go to trial for almost a year. She also got the Xanax dropped and only was charged for the tobacco which never went anywhere. So kids were alright with her now.
About a month ago, SD24 joined her brother in ignoring DH. Even after she lived with us, DH helped her get her finances in order after BM couldn't pay her phone and car insurance anymore. He moved her 3 times in 3 years between TN, ME, VA, and back to TN when she couldn't afford to live on her own.
BM called DH about a month ago because SS is getting married this month. According to her she wanted to see DH at SS wedding. I think she just wanted to rub it in his face that the wedding was coming up and he wasn't invited. He became upset and unleashed on her. He had always held back when the kids were younger because he was afraid she wouldn't let him speak with or see the kids on his visits to TN. I was so proud of him for finally saying his piece. It didn't matter though.
The kids both told DH sister that they never had a father figure. SD said he was at most a friend and that her father figure was her uncle growing up. Her uncle who cheated on her aunt all the time, was living in a dilapidated trailer with his girlfriend and died of an overdose. That was her father figure. She said she was grateful for everything DH did for her. She won't respond to him or even tell him this stuff when he asks. When she was here, he asked her if there was anything she wanted to talk about from the past and all he got was a wide-eyed "No, I'm good". So, what the hell?
I'm trying to make peace with all of this. I want to scream at them all and tell them I was there to see the nasty things that BM did to make sure DH had a hard time even trying to see the kids. I want to send SS the Twitter account of his baby mama in CA where she says he's a shit father that doesn't visit his daughter. He spends money on tattoos and then says he doesnt have money for his daughter. He ran away from his responsibility to start a new life with his girlfriend right after his daughter was born and then wonders why he can't get custody of his daughter or even have her visit him in TN.
No one says these things to SS though. DH told BM that his son wasn't doing too good with his own daughter but she quickly changed the subject. Finally DH told BM that if his kids don't want anything to do with him then he could stop reaching out. Maybe he didn't say it so nicely though. He feels used by them. His daughter obviously had these feelings for a long time but still lived with us. I guess we were the lesser of the two evils at the time.
I didn't mean for this to be so long but when does BM get what's coming to her? When does karma get her? To me, it looks like she's got an okay life. She doesn't have a great job but no matter what she does, they always go back to her.
I guess it's better that DH knows how his kids really feel about him but I wish they would grow up and tell him rather than telling DH family through text. At least we don't live anywhere near them.
- JCarter's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
The short answer? she may
The short answer? she may never get the karma.
In the end.. being upset about her having a decent life and her kid's attention is about as useful as being upset that Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are rich. The fairness? no.. life is not fair.. and all we can really do is play the hand of cards that we are dealt... we can make the most out of it.
The reality is that with his kids orbiting the mother planet.. hopefully the drama and upheaval will stay in that universe.. and you and your SO can enjoy a peaceful and happy life!
As adults these patterns have been long established.. and unfortunately.. people gravitate to things that aren't the best quality.. or best for them.. for odd reasons.. loyalty, pity.. lies about stuff..and often also because it means they don't have to pretend to take accountability for their own part in their own disaster lives.
It's easy to blame others for our problems.. but we often have a big part in it..
At this point.. I would try to focus my energy on living your best life with your SO and while it may be unfair that his EX seems to be living a charmed life.. you probably don't know the full extent.. so it's likely she does experience more karma than you realize.
Thank you. I'm trying to let
Thank you. I'm trying to let things go, but that is not something that I'm great at. We do have a great life and we have plenty of people and pets that love and care about us. I'll try to focus my attention on that. Again, thank you for your input.
In some ways yes and its oh so sweet
In my case, my husbands exwife was an abusive narc who took pleasure in making my husband miserable. Dished out the same crap to her kids. Eldest sd is her mini me and younger sd goes along but you could tell she didn't want to be left alone with elder ss but would continue the crap eldest sd did.
when hubby divorced her, he found out for the last yr of marriage before they separated, she was cheating with an ex high school sweetheart. She was playing the victim during divorce yet was a cheating whore. Got married in secret whilst kids were in school and told them they had a new daddy. There started project pas
she and sd's have lived through manipulating others for their benefit. Thats all they know that when sd's cut off contact with their dad and disappeared, sd's and exwife though hubby would jump through hoops in desperation to find them.
hubby gave up, he'd had enough and realised this was toxic and not a healthy way to live. It was hard for him to move on but slowly he did. He focused on work, getting promoted and moving on with life.
We met via a mutual friend about 4.5 yrs post divorce and when bio mum found out from staff at hubbys bank who were friends with her, she called my husbands eldest sil claiming i was some half naked whore and had to protect her daughters from us yet had cut off contact a year or more prior. I was the convenient scapegoat
at the end of that call, sil calls my husband going what crap is she waffling on about. Hubby laughed. Fast forward 5.5 yrs when we had been married 4.5 yrs, with 2 young toddlers aged 1 & 2.5, eldest sd starts asking biomum questions.
all her lies aren't adding up about me. Biomum claimed she was a born again muslim woman to shut up gullible sd's. They fell for her nonsense. Then when eldest sd contacted my husband by text message, she claimed biomum was good now and told her to contact her dad
the reality? Biomum couldn't find anymore excuses. She expected my husband to cowtow to her but hubby moving on, marrying me and having 2 kids with me was not what she expected. Remember she spent the divorce and aftermath of divorce bragging how in demand she was that she could get any man at the snap of a finger (a slut) and my husband would grow old and lonely and that nobody would want him.
fast forward 5.5 yrs and he's promoted, salary increases 7 fold, he pumps heeps of his money into retirement savings and is a multimillionaire. He marries a younger woman who is from overseas. Has 2 kids with her. Everything biomum had bragged about, backfired and the complete opposite happened.
the 16 yrs hubby had married her and had 3 kids who are exact replicas of her, hubby felt was a waste. In hindsight, he'd rather be a bachelor till his late 40s and wait to marry me. Exwife believed she was entitled to half of everything. Courts disagreed.
in the 16 yrs she treated my husband like crap, she left that marriage penniless (got $30,000 which no doubt gone up in smoke), yet all it took was 4.5 yrs of marriage for hubby to buy a home in my country in my name. Thats the level of trust and strength of our marriage and relationship.
bio mum is still playing the victim. 4.5 yrs ago apparently her marriage was gonna end, she just felt her affair hubby was gonna leave her. All lies, its just another pity me party and we don't give a crap. She could be tossed to the street with sd's asking for my husbands help, exwife will get none. She has not been my husbands problem since the divorce in june 2009.
karma may come quick, it may come late. But when it does come, to see them get what they dished out 10-fold is hilarious. What goes around comes around. You do bad to others, karma is waiting for you in this life or afterlife and so long as you don't apologise and get that person's forgiveness, god won't forgive you. Thats what us muslims believe.
I would say Karma is already
I would say Karma is already at work…I mean they all sound like trailer trash that your DH should be lucky he’s not roped into all that drama daily. My DH’s ex is a Meth addict and honestly much as I wish Karma had taken her out years ago, seeing what a rundown train wreck she has turned into is justice enough for me.
True and i always say dysfunction breeds dysfunction
And its very hard to stop that cycle unless you self reflect which many of these nutters can't
Maybe, Maybe Not
Regardless of the "bad" people in our lives get their due, our best response is to "live your best life." It took me a while to get here but I made it. Besides that, I believe in not taking joy in other people's karma. Let karma/life deal with them based on their behaviors. I just focus on me, doing my best to put good karma into the world.
And isn't that karma in itself? Living YOUR best life in spite of those azzhole people?? After I disengaged from DHs kids, I focused on healing me...learned a lot about myself, my childhood and how it impacted my adult life; learned how to implement boundaries properly; got back to good physical health. And today, I'm happy. Good marriage, great life. All the while DHs kids are kept afar, I don't know jack about their lives (and don't care). Today, I focus on me, my family here, my friends.
I'd suggest you see a counselor to help you process all the negative (and rightfully so) emotions you have and start the journey to "happy" you. Best to you. It's a hard journey....took me about 3 years of hard pesonal work but here I am.
Taking back control and living your life is what alot of these
Nasty exes don't want. When you remove their ability to control you, they can't stand it
Thank you for responding. I'm
Thank you for responding. I'm trying to focus on us and everything that we have built for ourselves. We have worked hard our whole lives and now are finally able to relax a bit. I'm 40 and fully retired and my husband will be following shortly. I am working with a counselor for things that I went through during my time in service so I can definitely talk to her about this. I just want to be able to let it go. I was at a point where I didn't give his SS much thought, but then when everything else went down with his daughter and ex it opened that can of worms all over again.
I'm going to try to just let it go, but that is something that I struggle with. Thank you again.
I too wonder
And am working slowly to get out of the "sucking the sour grapes" modality and thoughts.
I am instead focusing on my own things and my own goodness.
THe Karma bus has never caught up with the Spermidiot.
Sadly, it repeatedly runs backwards and forwards over his three younger also out of wedlock spawn by to other baby mamas.
Those sad young adults are a dole queen, a prison inmate, and a wannabe second prison inmate.
My SS is the only one who drives the Karma bus rather than being flattened by it.
The Spermidiot, just keeps living his odd, dope smoker, minimally employed plumber, live in his mommy and daddy rental home rent free, pathetic life all proud that his two youngest boys are living out his gangbanger wannabe life fantasies.