Yes. He has a PS5 (or something -- whatever the latest system is) that he brought over from his mom's. It's confiscated at night, but, yes, that could have been it. I have heard of that happening.

No kidding. Every time he comes back to our house, he has new clothes, new shoes, new gadget, something. And she has a cleaning lady who picks up after them and does laundry on her days, so he doesn't have to lift a finger.

Doesn't do much for their house over all, though, because he and his clothes positively reek of cat when he comes over. It bothers us that he likely goes to school smelling like that on her weeks.

Anyway, even on weeks when he's missed school for being "sick" or is behind on schoolwork, she takes him to Dave & Buster's, the trampoline park, ice skating, you name it. That, I'm sure, is a big part of why he prefers her house.

Normally, I would have waited and made H or SS clean it, but I was afraid of the odor sinking into the floor more than it already had.

But, yes. H should have pushed harder last night. I'm guessing the smell was subtler last night because H has a super-strong sense of smell and hasn't been hesitant in the past about pushing SS on things when he suspects he's lying.

I'm going to make damn sure he makes it up to me. And currently coming up with a list of chores for SS to take on this weekend.

Agreed. He has the potential to be a good kid and to make something of himself, but the way he's spoiled and coddled by BM and her parents is eroding his chances. He cries or sulks any time he hears the slightest criticism or is asked to do something. That won't serve him well.

As for grades, she told H "as long as he gets at least a D, I'm not worried." This is a very well-educated, successful woman from a well-educated family. That one kind of blew my mind. As long as SS is happy (meaning, he gets what he wants), that's all that matters.

Very frustrating for us to watch. And then any rules or expectations or consequences we put in place, no matter how benign, seem like massive corporal punishment by comparison.

We suspect the days of "I want to live with Mom" getting louder and more persistent are getting closer.

It actually is a thing. Kids get addicted to screen time, to the point they ignore or don't notice their body's signals. It's nuts -- and very unhealthy. That's why we restrict his access over here -- to try to prevent the addiction from getting too bad. But I'm afraid it hasn't been enough.

Very interesting - and frustrating!

You could be right. According to DH, BM is a bit of a slob. And she has three cars and four dogs in a not very clean house (despite having a cleaning lady a couple of days a week). He could very well have seen her wipe up a mess with a towel -- though I doubt even she would just leave it on the floor.

Regardless, we've talked I him about how to clean things up. And if you can't do it or need help, ask. You won't get in trouble for an accident.

Whatever. He lies constantly. BM's attitude is "so? Everybody lies."

Last semester he struggled with doing the work and keeping up, so they let him drop down out of advanced classes with the understanding it would be As and Bs with no missed assignments. It's happening again. And there isn't a "the work is too hard" excuse now.

He had a science project due a month ago. DH bought poster board for it, asked him about it. He said he'd turned it in. BM said he told her he turned it in. Well, DH was checking grades and he got a zero on it. He wrote to the teacher and she confirmed he never turned it in.

The frustrating thing is nothing seems to do any good. It never changes. Regardless of what we do, all he has to do is hold out until he goes to BM's and he's all set. And then he can complain to her about how horrible and strict we are. She actually told DJH our house is a concentration camp (which I think is an incredibly insensitive/idiotic thing to say). We don't care what she thinks. Our house, our rules. Except that her attitude is making it that much harder to change SS's behaviors and attitude.

I just worry for his future. Last week, he struck out in baseball. We could see he was crying while walking back to the dugout. Our attitude was that the coach could deal with it, help him see that it happens and here's what you do differently next time. BM's dad got up and actually went into the dugout to hug and console him. (Would have embarrassed the heck out of me as a child.) He's coddled and infantilized by them and his inability to accept criticism or correction if any sort will never improve as long as he's babied every time he gets upset.

I've never been in her house and DH has only been in her doorway, but every time we pick up SS, the stench is eye-watering. He has to drive with the moon roof open and leaves the windows down after we get home. BM smells that way too.

DH has a major cat allergy so he's even more sensitive to the odor. We actually had to pass a rule that no soft things (pillows, blankets, stuffed animals) are allowed to cross over. If he does bring something, it gets to live in the garage for the week.

Her front window blinds are shredded and DH says her entryway floors are scratched and torn up. She's a corporate attorney, so it's not like she can't afford to fix things...

Anyway, there's no doubt he goes to school stinking to high heaven on her weeks and I wouldn't be surprised if he's shunned/made fun of.