I don't think your husband should have gone without you after you traveled the whole way with him expecting to go. Better would have been both of you showing up to the after party. Is he a weak person in general when it comes to relations with his family? 

Been there, done that. I bought Ariana Grande tickets for all 3 of us to attend (me, husband and SD) but a few weeks after the purchase i received a call from my husband and his daughter. She thanked me for the tickets and then proceeded to ask if her friend could come. In the beginning, I didnt get it and I was saying sure invite her but then it became clear she wanted me to pay for her friends ticket or give up mine....I did give up my ticket for her friend and I regret it. SD and that friend arent even on speaking terms....

Many times, they have events but dont want me around or scoff at me coming so I have decided to no longer try. That ship has sailed in 2017! 

SS17 had some type of graduation (not real because he dropped out of high school) but didnt invite us because of BM2...I wouldnt have gone anyway and I dont include them in my stuff unless they are here on visitation which they have ruined many a holiday for me.

21years! Thats long! You should go where you are liked, not tolerated. Dont expect the husbands to care....they mostly care for the approval of their families first and so should you

Your husband is allowing this to happen.  If my BIL invited us to a graduation and what you described happened, my husband would not have attended the graduation - he would have kept me company at the hotel and we'd have visited with family afterwards.  (Who am I kidding?  What really would have happened is that my overbearing MIL would have badgered school administration until there was an extra ticket, LOL.)  My DH is hardly the husband of the year, but he wouldn't allow his family to exclude me like that.  Similarly, if one of his kids was receiving an honor and preferred someone else to attend over me, he'd skip that too, probably not out of total love and devotion for me, but because he hates going to things by himself.  But in any event I wouldn't be the only one not there.

I don't think you're being too sensitive.  I wouldn't go to your SIL's kids' events, and I'd let your husband be in charge of all gifts for his family going forward.  I wouldn't do anything for family members who can't respect me enough to include me.  I would also let your husband know how hurt you are by all of this.  Don't allow him to remain (or pretend to be) clueless.  Tell him that you expect better from him next time.

Your SIL sounds pretty self centered.. only inviting celebrations of her own child.. but never offering to celebrate even her brother's kids? 

But.. I guess mistakes could happen.. and you could miscount.. I would wonder who the other attendees were that DID rank tickets.  If they were closer friends and family.. I could understand as the unrelated to the niece wife of her brother.. maybe you were the "lowest ranking" member present.  BUT.. I do agree that your DH should have at least OFFERED to stay back with you.. you could have declined.. but that he happily went off with the gang was not particularly sensitive.

I do get that someone would want their romantic interest to be present for the rank ceremony achievement thing too.. It's a person who he will potentially be married to right?  But.. it hurts to be left out.. but if someone is to be left out.. in that situation.. who should it have been?  or.. again.. his dad could have offered to stay behind with you.. but in that case.. it would really have been generous to insist dad see his son's award.  

I guess it's just the nature of the beast for stepparents.. when lines have to be drawn.. sometimes we end up on the outside.. But.. this also works both ways.. you also don't have to turn yourself inside out to celebrate these people.. you are off the hook from going out of the way for SIL's next big thing.. like her daughter's wedding or something.. why bother going right?  Or your SS's first child.. no need to press forward and buy tons of gifts!

And.. I don't mean that in a petty, petulant way.. but clearly they do not have a deep feeling of relationship for you... so that let's you off the hook from putting yourself out for them.  Of course when paths cross.. be pleasant.. it doesn't even mean they dislike you.. just you are not as important to them as other people... and that's fine.. I'm sure there are people in your life more important than them too!

Because I'd made the effort-- the travel, the expense, the time put of my own life that I could have spent doing something that mattered to me.

I'd honestly have done the same thing,  but I would have probably hoped DH would stay with me and we could go to the party together later, but my DH is clueless and probably would have gone without me.  

I'd chalk it up to a lesson learned.  And my future efforts (or lack thereof) would reflect this experience.  I might send a card but my precious time would probably be invested where it was appreciated more. 

My experiences tell me they (the steps) want the benefits of my presence,  meaning whatever I can do for them is welcome until my actual physical presence isn't convenient.  C'est la vie.

With that amount of time, nothing will change. Your SIL is a total hateful witch. I wouldn't do something like that to my worst enemy. SMH Same with your SS. But it's THEIR events and we, as stepparents, have zero say. Add in, when our DHs don't stand against this shitty treatment...well, it's our cross to bear.

With that said, start researching via this site for disengaging tactics. Just don't attend the events, even when invited. Why go somewhere you know they don't want you anyway? 

I am sending you a virtual hug. As a fellow quilting sister, I know what you put into that quilt - the money, the hours, the work and the love. Rest in knowing you gave that gift in love....but consider never giving another quilt to anyone on that side of the family. If they want a quilt, tell them to go to Cracker Barrel....get one of those cheap knock-off's from China.

Best to you. We are not on an easy journey. I've been with DH 18 years now and I finally removed myself from the mix in 2018. I have zero involvement with DHs kids.

Oh, I feel this one. I have a SIL who has had one conversation with me in 8 years. In that conversation she made some comment about how DH shouldn't have gotten divorced, so I assume that's her beef with him and me. In the first few years I've known her she skipped every event that involved me (MIL always insisted upon celebrating my birthday and two weddign showers for me). SIL also "hosted" my baby shower via zoom, but then went and stayed off camera the entire time. She has seen my daughter four times in two years and has not interacted with her any of those times. She saw my son once and barely acknowledged he was there. Meanwhile, she fawns over SSs at every gathering. DH once asked BIL if he had done anything to make SIL angry and BIL said, "no, she's fine now" and then said she was annoyed at this one thing that happened well after SIL had been overly rude and also was more something BIL did, than something DH did. 

We have been at a family gathering with her and 6 other people (4 of whom were children) and she will ignore both me and DH. When DH only had skids on Christmas day, we were expected to schlep them down to her house so she and BIL and their kids could see Skids and then she would kick us out before dinner started because we weren't invited to dinner with her family (DH's family still insisted on celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve, even though skids were never around on Christmas Eve, but that's another story). I said something once to MIL about it, since MIL suggested I reach out to SIL to plan something. I replied, "well, she doesn't speak to me, so I can't do that." MIL, who has seen this all in action, replied, "oh, she's just a bad communicator." She will only say hi to us if people outside the extended family are around, but she stops at hi. 

I always send presents for her kids for Christmas and birthdays and she always "forgets" to buy anything for my kids. This year, we were told that they were just waiting for a Christmas present to arrive. In February, the same cheap present my daughter received last year was dropped off at our house in a reused gift bag. Not to mention that the present says, "for ages 3 and up" and "choking hazard small pieces" all over it and my daughter was 1 and then 2 when she received it.For my son, BIL/SIL's present was wrapped in the same paper as MIL's and went with MIL's other present, so I think MIL just took one of her presents and put their name on it. I call these our FU presents. 

I don't expect that we will be living in this state when her kids graduate and I don't plan to fly to see two kids who don't even know my name graduate. I think the only difference is that SIL wouldn't actually tell me herself that there was no ticket, she'd have MIL do it and MIL would act like SIL was so upset that she didn't have a ticket for me that she couldn't tell me herself. 

I always feel humiliated around her, because she talks animatedly to others and ignores me like we're in middle school. I've decided that I'm done going to events at her home and when my kids are old enough, I will make sure they know that she is the problem, not them. 

Meanwhile, BIL worked with BM at the last mediation to try to reduce DH's time with one Skid. He told DH he had to do it, because DH is "just at war" with BM and accused DH of not loving his children enough to be friends with BM. He also swore up and down that he was not being manipulated by BM (who had Skid go back to the regular schedule less than a month after it was reduced at the mediation where she got what she really wanted...more CS). Despite this, I'm still cordial with BIL and don't ignore him, like his petty, baby of a wife. I want to go up to her and say, "see, I don't like BIL, either, but I can still speak to him like he's a person." Some people just suck and I'm sorry you have to deal with one of these people!

Greetings! I saw that you have been around, more or less for 6 years or so? How did it go in between here and there? Did you seek and obtain therapy for your PTSD from skidville?

Your toxic excuse for a SIL, she needs to be talked to, and then avoided. Your husband YET AGAIN has thrown you under the "bus of cluelessness", and sacrificed you and your well being. You made a QUILT? And were still rejected? 

My opinion: STOP DOING THAT IT HURTS.

Find the people that care about you and shower them with your beautiful creative energy and attention/intentions.

No more giving yourself away to those that would crap on you, and "suddely miscount".

My particular mis-counting story:

SDnow24 when she was gathering tix for her cermony, invited mother, father, sister, auntie 1&2, special cousins 1&2. No extra tix for me. Hubsand then SO, he told her "youd better find Clove a ticket or I wont go". This was back towards the beginning and when he had my back. Guess what? A ticket suddenly materialised.

That would be the last time she would do THAT to me.

Your husband should have stood by your side too.

need to keep your foot up the collective asses of your DH's shallow and polluted gene pool.

I would not forego my space at my mate's side for this manipulative toxic crap. They new before they ever sent the invitation, in all liklihood anyway.

I cannot imagine my SS pulling this kind of crap and for damned sure he would have ground up and spit out the SpermClan if they tried anything like this. With whatever was left after my DW got through with them.

That your DH did not have the balls to rip his idiot sister a new asshole says far more about him than I care to know.  He should have climbed her ass, called his niece in and explained that he loves her but that he will not allow his wife to be insulted and that he and his entire family is leaving.  In parting he should have told his niece that her aunt  made her a beautiful quilt that she will get when she visits for a congratulatory meal with him and  his family.

Then he should have (fiburatively of course) pissed on his idiot sister's leg and and you and he had a great weekend leaving your idiot SIL to own her bullshit with the full knowledge of her own daughter.

That your ball-less failed man of a DH allowed this to happen once, much less twice (SS's Miliatary graduation & his niece's graduation) .... I would consider that it is time for you to stipulate how any of these things will go in the future with the clear message that DH is YOUR equity life partner and grows a pair, or... he won't be........

Do not miss the FACT that your own DH allows this.  

Grrrrrrr!