Over being walked on by my step daughter
My step daughter who is 17 has no regard for anyone around her. Her mother had residential custody most of her life and we always had issues with her when she was her for weekends and during the week because of the lack of dissapline in the home. Her mother has 3 kids all together and all different fathers and would go partying all the time and ignored the kids a lot (we fought for residential custody for a long time and lost multiple time when she was younger) anyway when she got older and the behavior started to get bad around age 13 she would drop her off to us and say she needs to stay here for a week or two and we would have her here grounded and basically I just assume this was so she didn't have to deal with keeping up with the grounding. Things continued to spiral until her mother's current boyfriend said she could no longer live in his household and my SD lost her mind ended up in a mental hospital and her mother made it clear she wasn't taking her back. So she has lived with us full time and has only seen her mother a handful of times over the last few years. My SD is beyond lazy barely does anything but has a new guy constantly and smokes weed all day wherever she goes ( no we do not allow it) she doesn't even have her license and doesn't care to get it. She has no plans after high school and that is if she graduates because she fails her classes yearly. My husband and I parent our younger children together well however, He just lets my SD do whatever she wants and talk to us however she wants. I just want her out of my house. I hate that my younger ones watch this behavior and I am so sick of feeling uncomfortable in my home when she is around.
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So why doesn't your husband
So why doesn't your husband parent his daughter? The fact that there was no discipline at her other home didn't mean there couldn't be in yours. Lots of children manage to deal with different households and different rules. Or was it just laziness on your husband's part? You realize that if his daughter is the way she is it's because your husband hasn't bothered parenting her, don't you?
Where is she getting the money to smoke weed?
So what are the plans for her once she turns 18. She may not have any plans for herself but you can have for your home and her. For instance, if she isn't at school or in full-time education, she doesn't get to mooch off of your home, she has to find a place for herself.
As a female, it's not hard at
As a female, it's not hard at all to get some weed without paying money for it.......
I also find that sometimes
I also find that sometimes skids imported into a structured home (after years of lackluster parenting with their bio parents) have the bar set low
This is where blending is difficult because kids see one kid doing bare a$$ minimum then wonder why they can't do the same)
If she stays in your home perhaps gradually getting her up to the level of your bio kids vs expecting drastic change out of her which may cause her to rebel and act out even more
She used to get grounded for
She used to get grounded for everything and ended up in a hospital twice because whenever everything was taken away she says she will kill herself. He is now trying to be less controlling now that she is almost 18 but I don't agree. He does parent her just not in the way I would. If i bring something to his attention he always has a conversation about it but she eventually goes back to the same behavior. It is all hard and I do the best I can not making my marriage blow up because of her because I am absolutely in love with my husband still. She has been told multiple times that once she is out of high school she has to have a full time job to live in our home and she has to contribute. I am just hoping my husband sticks to it. She has a job so she does have money and she has a boyfriend that tends to pay for things for her so I assume that is howbshe gets the weed.
Sorry to hear this.
Sorry to hear this.
This young lady is troubled and her behavior shows it.
Feeling like you have adults (heck your own parents) who don't want you around is probably one reason she's acting out like that
She needs therapy, structure, and support but taking her in might me a lot more than you bargained for.
I personally would report her mother to the authorities for child neglect and abandonment.
What is her father doing to help her improve her behavior in the home?
Im sorry but these breeders don't deserve to breed then stick their kids on others without consequences.
If her behavior is so bad where she, other kids, or you all are in danger then you may want to look into community resources where she can stay and get the help she needs before her life ends up very badly
She has had a therapist and
She has had a therapist and was on medication however we cannot force her to do either because of her age in pur state and she refuses both. Her mother signed over custody and we took her for child support but she doesn't pay.
Greetings
So, I went back in time and re-read your posts. The common theme:
2020 - but my husband will not let me disapline her which makes everything impossible.
2021 - I am so sick of being treated terrible and feeling like my DH never has my back.
2023 - He just lets my SD do whatever she wants and talk to us however she wants.
Your husband has failed to parent his daughter and she is fast approaching adulthood. You must completely disengage, and had a heart to heart with husband that he MUST step up and parent her. Its probably too late, and he probably wont anyway, but you can approach him with some lines drawn. She fails high school? She goes out and gets a job and he is solely responsible for her. Shes nasty? Change internet passwords. Shes lazy all day? Rags patented burning platform of never ending chores and then locked out of house 8-5. She doesnt want a drivers license? She walks. And its going to be a rough winter.
The responsibility is on husband - he has failed her as a parent.
I suppose you wont respond to these comments either...
I have had plenty of heart to
I have had plenty of heart to hearts with him about it. He usually feels I'm attacking her and it ends in a fight so I have slowly backed off. It is tough at this age because when I look backbat 17 I didn't have my parents on top of me at all but I was more responsible and I have explained that to him I mean he was raising her at her age. The world os weird today in the way it works compared to 16 years ago when my husband and I were that age. I get the freedom but he will parent here and then slowly stops for awhile and then when tlshit hits the fan he is back on top of it. It is an impossible situation
Your DH is lazy
He doesn't want to work on parenting.. There nothing you can do.. your choices are live the same way as now. SD will find a bad boy wgo she just loves and run away. Then try to keep her away from your home when she crashes and burns. Or for you to leave.
SD needs professional help. But DH will never get her to go, so leaving is the answer
I certainly will not leave my
I certainly will not leave my husband. I love him very much. He is a good father with our children. I am hoping she moves out as soon as she can however
So many kids having
So many kids having narcissistic parents...
If your DH gave a damn about his daughter, there are several things he could have done or that he could do to help her and all of you.
Get his daughter into therapy.
Talk to teachers.
Restrict.access to electronics and weed.
Get to know her better to build a better relationship with her.
But if he doesn't give a hoot, what is there to do? Wait until 18 and then kick SD out like an animal, or serve him divorce papers. That's pretty much it....
We have done all of those
We have done all of those things. She doesn't smoke weed at home. It is when she is out with friends and the only reason we know is because of dumb posts on insta which my husband put a stop too. I have had a great relationship with her in the past my husband and I have been together for 17 years almost her entire life. She had plenty of therapist and has been on antidepressants however in our state over 16 it is her choice and she now refuses both. I will never leave him. I was more less venting to maybe meet someone who understands what this is like.
You can keep doing what your
You can keep doing what your doing, making the same excuses for him and everyone but nothing will change until you make a drastic move. Right now nobody thinks you are serious. Why is that? Your husband does not have your back. He just keeps on keeping on Burying his head in the sand, kicking that can down the road. Now she's 17 and here you are. We have no magic words or solutions, only experiences that we share. You want change ? Then you have to make that happen and it will be painful. Until you are ready to accept that, you will stay stuck.