Round II of attempts to rope him in
There has always been an enormous effort to manipulate my DH, as if the skids (driven by their mother) wanted to engage in a tug-of-war that would involve a winner and a loser. In most ways, I'd say they "lost," as when they seemed to want to force him to choose between them and me, he chose the marriage. (There had been no conflict or bad blood or anything on my end that would logically lead to that craziness; I had always encouraged him to have an even more involved relationship with his kids, and at the beginning, I was very hopeful about having a good relationship with them myself. . . then things got ugly.) That didn't mean the manipulation stopped, although the outright harassment did. I knew in my heart that whenever grandkids arrived, Round II of manipulation would occur. And here it is.
The skids live several hours away. I thought it was cute that SD was sending pictures and videos of her little ones to DH. Of course, I did not receive them, as I am undeserving 
. Then the texts became more frequent, almost daily sometimes. To make a long story short, in a normal family, this might seem...well, sweet. With them, I see this as SD dangling carrots (hostages) out to DH. Well, it works: DH feels guilty that he doesn't see the grands frequently and here he comes again with another round of hope (and delusion and irritability) over what his relationship with them could be. NOT UNDER GRANDMA'S CONTROL, BUD. Didn't he learn that during Round I?!
DH is on the outskirts of the family. That was his punishment: being banished for the most part because he dared to remarry and not allow the ex to be in his marriage. I've never been clear about what the skids want, as they treat their father as a stranger (he uses the term "like cousins"), but I do know they have always received cash, and I know that's one of the drivers. Perhaps the one daughter is delusional, too. I don't know.
So, especially now that we are in the midst of the holidays, I'm seeing the very old Daddy Guilt that I hadn't seen in years.
Yay for Round II! And we are off! Uncork the champagne (lots of it)!
They get what they want
Just cash with out doing the vistration part
Thanks for sharing this
Thanks for sharing this @MorningMia - I've experienced the "everyone else gets notiified" but stepmom- I DON'T watch the videos and photos or listen to the stories anymore- I don't even ask. I don't care. The blessing in this is I am detached from what's going on and I am not emotionally getting involved with soon-to-be grandSKIDs because they are simply making the decision not to include me. It's allowed them to make the decision and albeit hurtful sometimes it's a blessing. DH is not overly moved by all of the stuff they send- he seems to be able to sniff out that they are being petty and passive agressive - I highly doubt we'll be big financial contributors if the behavior continues. This is actually a blessing in disguise - their bad behavior and their cutting of the ties allows me freedom, I don't have to do anything but go live my life.
Again, I am with you! I don't
Again, I am with you! I don't engage in video watching, either. Occasionally, DH will proudly show me a photo, and I say, "Cute!" and go on my merry way. I'm not stepping into that toxic clown show of a cult. I sent a gift for Baby Shower #1 and saw on social media how all the gifts were photographed and posted (as a group). . . except for mine. That is when I completely closed the door. They invited me to the next baby shower (just for a gift; they knew I wouldn't show up) and I completely ignored the invite. I just don't have the time or energy for this childish petty bs, and I am anti-manipulation.
I knew long before babies were in the picture that they would try to use the grandkids as pawns.
Yep.
Yep. Smart on your end- I am learning from the wisdom of others, including you.
I always tell people in bad
I always tell people in bad skid situations, especially mini wife situations, to pray the skids don't reproduce. Its usually a bad situation with more drama and manipulation. Grandchildren are seen as the ultimate prize to be dangled in front of their father. It's often once again a competition for the guilty bio daddy to out do the BM. Of course the BM will always be #1 no matter how much $$ the guilty bio daddy throws at the new grandchild.
Horrible but real. Thanks for
Horrible but real. Thanks for sharing.
At this point, it's so clear
At this point, it's so clear to us that Mommy "won." No skin off of my . . . . I could care less. You "won," lady! Woot! You are publicly adored and worshipped in what appears to be a sickness. Yay! At this point, it's the $100 here, the $100 there from DH (or more--he and I have always had separate accounts) along with their apparent need to continue to "punish" and remind DH that he made the wrong decision when it came to marrying me and standing by his wife. pffssst. What a way to live.
I couldn't be happier that BM
I couldn't be happier that BM won. Lol. The skids are at her house every weekend and holiday. I hope they continue to punish their father forever!!
I always feel
That people who don't want a relationship with me. Are dead in my eyes . SD has shown she tryingvtin control your life by screwing around with her BF. Your SO is falling for it. BM is a unhappy person and trying to make you unhappy for living.
Disengagement from all of this is the only way to go. Nobody is going to change. So you take control of your home. You tell DH when he see is kids His arrival time and his departure time or else you creat your own form of hell. What gifts he gives everyone. That when you go out he not to answer to text on his phone. Or the phone stays home
. . . people who don't want a
THIS, THIS, and THIS. Absolutely!
DH decides when he's going to see the spawn (they live a day's drive away, thank God), and that has always been fine with me. He goes for a weekend a few times a year and stays in a hotel and is always happy to come back home. They are no longer allowed in our house. We went years like this because of their horrid behavior, but relapsed when DH had a health crisis in the fall. They were allowed back in the house and it was pure HELL. I still haven't recovered. I need sage, a week in a spa, a shaman, a ceremony, and a shrink. lol.
DH generally talks to the spawn when I'm at work/not home (or goes outside to talk to them!) and never responds to them when we're out.
Say it again: Nobody is going to change.
Don't forget a blood
Don't forget a blood sacrifice!
I dread the thought of
I dread the thought of SDiablas 24&26 having children one day. So far OSD can't find or keep a BF. YSD shows no interest in anyone except herself and is still weirdly delayed. DH thinks she may be gay but we have never seen her show interest in either sex. She still throws tantrums so I think she is just too much of a baby to get a life of her own. When she visits us her only goal seems to be to monopolize DH''s time. A pattern that started with BM being jealous of us and trying to ruin holidays and everyday by inserting SD's and attempting to make her own personal problems our problem. SD's took up the torch of attempting to keep the first family relevant and ever present in our lives. The only think that works is putting them consistently back in their place as DH's children, not rulers. They eventually tire of annoying us and go find something else to do for awhile. DH could do a better job of maintaining strong boundaries. They will take advantage of any gray area. He is getting sick of the games and does better than he used to.
I dread the thought of
First, I love your name for them. How fitting! :) Your comment about the pattern gives me PTSD. That was a longstanding BM pattern with us . . . drama would light up just before and during the holidays or just before DH and I would leave (sometimes AS we were leaving) for vacation (back in the day, he'd always let the skids know where and when we were going). It was so difficult, and we would start getting majorly stressed before each holiday (like "Batten down the hatches!"). How horrible!
My SD ("Pwecious Pwincess") at almost 30 still brings up Mommy 50 times a day (and calls her multiple times) when she visits with us (which is extremely rare anymore). It's like a sick addiction. She is truly in a cult (in more ways than one). You put it perfectly about trying to make the "first family" relevant and ever-present. In fact, had Mommy behaved like anything less than the monster she is, that family WOULD be relevant. It's just that she needed to be #1, always the one in control, and she just could not handle that her ex had moved on.